Friday, August 17, 2007

A legend in my own mind.

I find with each passing day I am living a bit more in my head. I have begun blogging in my head, thinking of what I would be writing if I was blogging at any particular moment in time. Then I sit down to write and it is all gone. mind blank. Not that any of it is that exciting or amusing to anyone but myself of course.
When I was a girl and had to spend any time sitting still with nothing to occupy my mind, (like sitting on the toilet, after I read all the shampoo bottles) I would pretend I was on television. I would even open the cupboard door beside me so no one could see I was nekkid from the waist down. My tv show was usually a talk show format, like the Donahue show my mom would turn on when we weren't in the room. I would interview literary characters, my favorite author's, the cute boy from school. All of this took place quietly in my head, never spoken aloud. I made myself laugh, silently of course, kept myself amused. Now, I find myself doing the same thing as a 32 year old mom of 4. Having this dialogue in my head, like I am speaking to an audience. Maybe it's cuz I no longer have a baby to talk to. At least when I am talking to my babies it is out loud. My baby is 2 now, and she likes to do the talking. A lot of talking. Maybe I just need to get out more. hmmm...

Speaking of getting out more, I had a really nice time with my girlfriend last night. We went to check out the fringe festival, but it was the first night so not much was happening down there. We hopped over to Chianti's for some appies and then across to O'byrn's for a pint and live music. Well I sipped some cola, as I am still a probationary driver and have a zero alcohol tolerance clause on my license. I so needed to just hang out with my friend, unload for a bit. She is one of those rare people that you can be completely honest with. She doesn't judge, she knows enough of human frailty, especially that of mothers and wives that she just listens and accepts you for who you are and where your heart is. I love her to pieces, her friendship is a rare gift. Thank you girl! I hope I can be that kind of friend for you too. Sorry for being caught up in my own crud so much lately.

I think I need to do something active tonight, maybe I can convince dh to go for a run with me. then maybe I can stop thinking so much...

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