Monday, May 16, 2011

Sunshine

Oh my goodness! Spring has really and truly sprung! The sun has been shining and it was warm enough this week for the kids to want to run through the sprinkler. I even dug out my shorts... and revealed my pasty, Canadian legs to the world. (or at least the other soccer parents)
Our schedule has filled up again and our evenings feel a bit rushed, but we love watching the kids running about after the soccer ball. Brent is coaching Girly's U6 team on Monday nights, and Super Boy's Bantam football team on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays. Girly plays on M/W and Dr. J plays soccer on T/T, so there is a lot of running around to do, but lots of fresh air and laughs too. The weather has been warm and windy, the wind helping to ward of the killer swarms of mosquitoes that have been a plague this spring, and I feel as if spring has blossomed in me as well.
Winter in the Canadian North is interminably long.  I do pretty well until February and then I feel as if I am coming a bit unravelled. I slow down, I want to spend long afternoons curled in my bed with a book. I don't really want to bundle up my 6 children to take them out. I begin to resent mittens and gloves that never seem to be where they are supposed to be. I am sure there are mitten brownies that visit in the night and hide the darn things, permanently.

By April, I need the sun and the warmth and the ability to go outside without 30 extra pounds of clothing per child. I get a bit depressed and it takes until we start having 20 plus days and the flowers on the trees are blooming before I really start to feel like myself again. And now we are having a lovely May and my heart is warm and fuzzy again!

Monday, May 09, 2011

Mother's Day

Hope your Mother's Day was lovely. I had a pretty blessed day. I woke up with only one wee babe in my bed and listened to the hurried preparations downstairs. Cards were being crafted, pancakes flipped, milk was being steamed. While my 13 year old slept, the Boy (16) was busy cooking my breakfast while my husband coordinated and made my yummy latte. I am so thankful that my husband was home this year, and that he took it upon himself to make my day special. I love Mother's day morning, there is nothing like that joyful expectation as I await the appearance of all those smiling faces and giddy gift giving.

But not all Mother's Days are joyful, and if yours was not, please know that I empathize with you and I am so sorry. Some years, we are sad because our own Mothers are sick or have passed away. Some of us do not have mothers worthy of celebration. (I am so thankful that I do, my Mother is amazing!) And sometimes, we are aching to be mothers, but our arms are empty.

I will never forget the first Mother's Day after we had our sweet, stillborn baby, Kalila. She was born on April 26, so only a few weeks before Mother's day. As Mother's day approached, I only wanted one thing - my Mother. So I went home to my Mom and was able to just let all my pain hang out with her. She was my rock, she just wept with me. It was a bit hard to be around my sisters who were also pregnant, but mostly because I really didn't want them to feel badly. I wanted their happiness with all my heart, but I wanted mine back too.

That was the hardest Mother's day I have ever had, even though I had two amazing living children, I so wanted my missing daughter, to hold her in my arms. The only way I survived that time was to picture myself in God's arms, big enough for all my sorrow, pain and anger, and to picture Him rocking me as I rocked my baby girl. He was my Mother and my Father through all that time and is still today.

I hope you had an amazing Mother's day, filled with the people you love. Know that you are not alone.