Why I may continue to be a crappy blogger:

Girly threw a toy across the room and it hit my laptop screen. I yelped and she said, "But I made Zed laugh!"
Like that made it all okay.
sigh. But I could barely muster any anger, just resignation.
So my screen is hooped. No scrapbooking for me. Even logging on is a crapshoot. I think I will be saving my pennies for a repair or a new laptop. Maybe I can convince my hubby I need a new macbook pro...

What an adventure yesterday was. Girly and I baked cookies and bread and while I was kneading the bread, I knocked a whole gallon of canola oil off of the counter and spilled it all over the floor. And wall. And the exersaucer. The grossest mess evah! Then I put another roast in the oven for supper and today's sandwiches. And I forgot to turn off the oven when I made the 2 hour trip to get the boys from daycamp and their dad from work. Oops!
It was a wee bit dry! And somehow, the rice turned out soggy. Oh, well, no one complained. Well no one but me.
Now I am off to run and get them all again. I am not leaving anything cooking today . And praying that the threatening tornadoes hold off. Don't want to run into any of that action!
I still plan on sharing my weekend with you, including Zed's big news. Which all of you who follow me on facebook or twitter already know...
I look forward to catching up on your lives too, I hear there is some baby news out there...

Supermom?

Wow, it is so quiet around here today. All 3 of my big boys are gone for the week. The two eldest boys, 12 and 14, are camp counselors for the week at our church day camp. And my Monkey Boy (5) is attending the camp, so it is just Girly, Baby Zed and I for the whole week.
By the time I had driven the long, muddy detour home from drop-off this morning, I had a whole laundry list of stuff that I could get done this week while I only had 2 kids. Then I got home and reality hit. No big kids around means that not only do I have to do their chores, I have no one to hold the baby while I get stuff done. And no one to run and open the baby-gates for Girly every 5 seconds. And no one else to blame for the disaster zone that is my house. Sigh. I guess I need to modify my list a little.
When we arrived home last night, I realized that I had nothing to send with my boys for their lunches all week. Home educating usually means that I don't have to worry about such things as packing lunches, so when they do have to take a lunch it is a big deal and I like to make it special. So what did I do all night? I baked. Muffins for breakfast and cookies for their lunch, all while cooking a roast so that they have meat for the their 'peanut free' sandwiches.
I love my hubby, he came in as I was putting the cookies in the oven and remarked that I was a 'supermom'. I was all, "Whatevah! These cookies were from frozen cookie dough I had in my oven..."
And he was all, "Whatevah! We just got back from a very busy weekend out of town and you are making a roast for sandwiches, you made yummy, berry muffins for their breakfast and here you are making cookies so that they have a treat. Anyone could see that you are a supermom!"

I really do love him, he didn't even mention that I totally overcooked the first bunch of muffins (I forgot while dealing with a moody tween) AND the cookies (Baby HAD to nurse when they were almost done). And he didn`t complain when I asked him to put on a load of laundry and he went to the store to get bread and cut up the roast when it came out of the oven at 11pm.
Of course I had to disappoint him when later when I told him that if I had some spare cash, I would have bought the kids Subway for lunch and skipped all the cooking. So much for honesty!

I can hardly believe that I been away from you all for so long. I have missed you so!
Check back later this week to see what I was up to this weekend!

Wednesday is for cuteness.

Look at what my 5 year old can do!
Cutie smartiepants.


Have you ever seen anything cuter?

Girly sings

At bedtime we sing lullabies with our kids. Lately, Girly has volunteered to sing to me after I sing to her. She makes up hilarious, random, disjointed songs.

Last night's installment went something like this:

I don't like you.
I love my mommy so very much.
She is so beautiful,
because she wears nice makeup.
It takes her an hour to wash
it off before bed.
I lo-ve elephants.

There were then some verses about lions and tigers...
Have I mentioned that she is obsessed with my makeup and skin care products? She keeps 'borrowing' things from my room and hiding them in her room. I caught her perusing her stash the other day, she had 3 of my deodorants! No wonder I can never find any.

Another night, her little ditty was a bit more... uh... bloodthirsty:

Sharky don't swim in the fish pool
Sharky don't swim in the fish pool
Sharky don't swim in the fish pool,
And Fishy stay out of the shark pool!

Her imagination is out of control! She tells stories all day long and sings crazy songs, I need to get a little voice recorder and capture some of the cuteness.

Time to be a Family

It is Tuesday after the May long weekend and I am watching the snow fall outside my window. I need to weed my garden, but it is too cold and snowy! It is 9:30 am and I have already been up for 4 hours, had breakfast and some quiet time, a cup of tea, a latte and driven to the airport and back. Baby Zed sang with me and the radio for most of the drive home and then he cried for the last 10 minutes. The singing was really cute.
My hubby has been home for exactly one week today, thank goodness. He has come along with me for my morning walks and we have stopped off for coffee on the way. I am enjoying getting reaquainted. It has been a busy time though, and we haven't really done any fun things with the family yet, maybe today we will go out.
On Thursday, we had a 14 cubic yard garbage bin delivered and we spent the weekend filling it with renovation rubbish and all the junk from our garage and basement. I had no idea that we had so much stuff! I wish I had taken before and after pictures, you would not have believed the messes. We have just been putting stuff away in those places while they waited for more permanent homes and then never got around to it. The dumpster is over-flowing and we have numerous bags and boxes of recycling at the curb and a bunch of things to take to the Goodwill and for freecycle.
My aunt came to the city to meet up with my Mom for a girls' weekend on Thursday. She spent all day Friday with us and we had such a nice visit. Girly would not leave her alone, she was Auntie's little shadow. On Sunday, Mom and Auntie came over for a lobster feast. Our neighbour owns a seafood shop and they had brought in a huge order of fresh, spring lobster and he gave us a sweet deal. Even I liked it and I don't like seafood! We had lobster and garlic butter and tons of bbq-roasted veggies, yum-my. I am going to make a veggie lasagna tonight with the leftovers.
Baby Zed is a completely different kid than when Daddy went away. He was 5 months old and barely sitting and belly crawling then. Now he is eight months and walking around and between the furniture, easily making the transitions between laying, sitting and standing. He is constantly climbing the stairs if allowed, we have to be ever-vigilant of the stair-gates. Oh! hang on...
He was eating playdough. yucky!
He has been saying, "Hi," and "Mom," for quite some time and this weekend he started with the yayaya, dadada, mumumumum, bababas. Love!
He is just so very anxious to be big and to follow his big brothers and sister. I am pretty sure that he will be walking by 9 months. He is already balancing quite well and is pretty impatient with not being able to keep up with the others. My last baby is growing up so very fast. Sigh...
I have been quite content with just being a family again this week, I haven't even thought about hanging out with friends or going out. But it looks like Brent will start a new job tomorrow, and even though it will be close by (30-45 minutes drive), he works 12-14 hour days and often 7 days a week, so we won't see much of him for a while. So we will get back in the swing of life without him around again far too quickly, so I will grab ahold of all the moments with him that I can.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day my lovelies! Have an amazing day. I am already sitting in my bed with my breakfast prepared by my sweethearts. Enjoy your babies today.

repeat.

He has not been home yet. Every day is supposed to be the day and then the day ends and still no hubby. I kept busy this week, spent some time with friends and in the few rays of sun that broke through the rain. But emotionally, I am exhausted and I feel like I have nothing left. I can`t even read a book, nothing makes any sense as I stare at the pages. I can`t do anything on the computer but stare at the screen. I am trying to build a website, but I can't make heads nor tails of anything.

I did enjoy trying out my new Mary Kay goodies and have given myself two new looks already and made over my girly a few times. She won't leave my stuff alone. Every day I find items from my room, usually cosmetics, hidden away in her room. She is a teensy girly mouse burrowing things away for a distant winter. teenage-hood.

I am going to bed, it has been a very long day and my throat hurts. My eldest had a sleepover last night (hate!) and they were all up all night. At 4:30 am, Baby Zed woke up and the boys were up and then at 7 the littles were up and so were the teens. Crazy. I hope we all sleep soundly and maybe tomorrow will bring my husband. Or at least some sunshine and smiles.

Warning, teary rant ahead.

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
UGH!
WAHHHHH!

...sigh...

I am trying really hard not to burst into tears. I am actually in the middle of cleaning my fridge, so I shouldn't be stopping to write while my groceries sit on the counter getting warm, but UGH!
My hubby has been working up north for about 10 weeks now. It was supposed to be a couple of weeks. And then they promised him a position here in town for a while. A few weeks came and went, and then a few more. The past week or two it looked like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. His new job starts on the 10th they told him. May tenth he would start working a half an hour away rather than 5 or 6 hours away. They said he would have some time off beforehand. He should have been done by today and on his way home to me now.
No. They told him to take a few days off and come back to finish up. Then they want him to start work on another unit up there. What???
He is supposed to be on his way home. For good. Job over.
I am tired. I am done. I held on this far, with the hope of his return this week and now that may be ripped from my hands. I don't want to wait a few more weeks. I want him home now. I don't even want to wait a few more days.
I guess it should be a positive that they want him to stay. He is very good at what he does. He has special skills that no one else up there right now has. They need his skills. But I need him too. I just need a soft place to land at the end of the day, is that too much to ask?

He told them no. He said he would finish what he was working on and they he was coming home. But it is hard, because they hold the keys to the next job. And we can't afford for him to not be employed right now. I guess all I can do is to give it to God.

...sigh...

Bits and Bites

Nearing the end of my reserves (reserves... bwahahahah... snort...ha) today. Baby Zed has been awake around 3:30 am for a few nights, with a poopy bottom and then ready to play. (I think those teeth have been reaking havoc with his bowels) Then the preschoolers had been up at 6, just about when the baby was going back to sleep. Tilerd... Last night, after months of being dry, both preschoolers wet the bed and came nudey bum to my bed in the wee hours. So this morning, I am a wee bit sleepy plus I have 4 extra loads of laundry. Fun.

I think my hubby's job up north is coming to an end, but I still don't know exactly when he will be home. I am mostly okay with that. I am in the groove. I feel capable and able and have almost given up on having a tidy house so that helps.

I live for nap-time. Oh blessed nap-time, when I can feel free for a few moments. Free from constant vigilance for baby's safety, free from being continually entertaining and chatty, and free of being constantly on. He is a lot of work! So much fun, but a lot of work. He does help find all those teensy, lost items that no one has seen in weeks. Guaranteed they will end up in his mouth. The big boys and I got the family room mucked out again this week, Zed kept finding things he shouldn't have, so I insisted on every nook and cranny being cleaned out. I also dug a huge clog out of the vacuum so the carpet is actually clean!

Oh, the washer stopped! I better hop in the shower and then get another load in before baby Zed wakes up. Nap-time is awesome but short!

My Boy

My Monkey boy is getting so big! At 5 years old, he is no longer one of the 'babies' as we have always said, but one of the big boys.
The last two nights he has come awake with the proud announcement that he didn't suck his thumb last night! What a big boy, he is stopping that habit all on his own. We bought the puppet months ago to put on when he went to bed as a way to discourage thumb sucking and offer alternative comfort. It wasn't a magical cure, but it did start the ball rolling.
I haven't made a big deal about it, I have let him lead the way, but recently I have noticed his mouth really changing shape from the thumb and I mentioned that to him. As with everything else, he internalized that information and must have come to a decision all on his own. I am so proud!

A couple days ago, we went for pizza with Grandma and Uncle D. The kids played the claw game after with Uncle. You know, the one where they use the claw to try and grab a toy and drop it in the slot. Well, Monkey rocked that claw! He got 3 toys on the first try. When he came out to the van, where I had already buckled in his sister and baby brother, he was psyched! He immediately gave each of his little siblings one of his toys. My heart burst with pride in his sharing and generosity.

Monkey Boy is a really neat kid, he is very affectionate and loving. He is gentle with his baby brother and sensitive to his sister. He longs to be a big guy and hang with his big brothers, he loves wrestling with them and playing video games with them. We call Monkey our Ninja because he runs around high kicking all day long. He never stops moving, except to cuddle with mommy. Which he is doing right now. And therefore reading over my shoulder and editing my post:D He said that the big brothers mostly play video games by themselves and he gets left out.
(Which is a shame because he is everyone's biggest cheerleader. He just ran up to make sure his little sister made it to the potty okay, she was freaking out because she has a tendency to leave it to the last second.)

I love nothing more than to spend some time with my monkey, he always amazes me with his wise questions. He is an expert at delaying bedtime with deep conversation. He is a philosopher in a 5 year old body. He makes my heart ache with love and pride every day. I am such a lucky mommy!

Don't forget to ask me your questions so that I can answer them for my 500th post! Thanks!

Ask me Anything!

Don't forget to ask me your questions so that I can answer them for my 500th post! Thanks!

April 26, 2002

7 years. Seven years have passed since I gave birth to my oldest daughter. As most of you know, she died in my womb and then we birthed her and held her still body. It was heart-wrenching, but beautiful. The peace that I experienced as I held her little body in my arms was incredible. We miss her, but the ache, the pain is gone. We know that one day we will hold her in our arms again and she will be whole. She will be full of life again, and that is the day that we live for.
Last night, I read through my journal that I wrote at that time. It is full of pain, and tears filled my eyes more than once. But it is also filled with hope and it is filled with the evidence of God working in our lives. God promised to carry us and he did. He held us and comforted us and I am so thankful for every step of our journey. I am thankful for the pain that opened our hearts wider to God and to his creation. To beautiful, hurting people all around us.
I think I will share some of those entries with you in the weeks to come. I will also finish the birth story I started to write a couple years ago. Oops!

Kalila Dorothy, April 26, 2002
Her name means Precious - Gift of God. Kalila is an Arabic term of endearment and Dorothy is my middle name and the first name of both of my Grandmothers, I always planned on giving it to my first born daughter, so I did.

My journal post from the day Kalila was born.

To my precious one,
I have loved you since before I knew you existed. You have been growing inside of me for almost five months. I have thought of you each day with love, hope and excitement as well as with fear and anxiety over the future. When I first felt your stirrings inside of me, it was Easter weekend and we were at Nana's. I felt utter joy - you were real! All the following week (your 18th), when I would sit still in the evenings with your aunties (with your cousins in their tummies), I would feel your movements.
I am so thankful for that time.
At night, your Daddy would talk to you and hug you - we were anxiously awaiting the time when you could hear our voices and we were trying to choose your special lullaby.
On the Monday after you turned 18 weeks old, we went to have an ultrasound done. I was so excited! We all were, we would finally get to see you. When the sonographer was done, she went and got Daddy and your brothers. We saw your beautiful, perfect form, lovely legs and toes, arms and hand. You waved to us, we were so thrilled that you were saying hi to us, but I guess it was good bye. (The boys always talk of her waving good bye. to this day.) That is how the boys remember you. I am so thankful that we had that opportunity to see you and that you knew us already. You heard your brothers playing, and all of our family times and knew our love.
I love you.
We watched you gulping and I imagined you nursing at my breast and greedily gulping. When I saw your heart beating, I was ecstatic, 154 beats per minute. I had been longing to hear that sound, but the sound was off, so we never did hear your heart beat.

Later, after she was born:

I felt such peace as I watched you laying in the bassinet, curled up as if asleep. Holding you in my hand, I just love you. I can't imagine having to wait my entire life to hold you whole and full of life. I long to hold you at my breast and watch you eat, stroke your cheek and whisper sweetness in your ear. I love you so much.
Kalila Dorothy, you are the baby girl I have dreamed of since I was a little girl. Your brothers wished and prayed for a little sister.

Thinking of you my precious daughter and of all the other mommy's who are missing their babies.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Same old, same old around here. Hubby is still away at work. House is still a mess. Baby is still teething. (one tooth through and one almost through) One child is still giving me a hard time about school, every. single. day. They are all still growing up way too darn fast. It just hit me that my eldest will be in grade 10 next year! Here in AB, that is the beginning of high school. I just can't imagine! My grade 10 year still feels like yesterday, how could I have a kid that old?!

Having a lazy Saturday morning, at least I am. The kids did not accomplish much of what I asked of them this week, so I am having them finish up some school. Apparently I am the meanest mom ever and therefore subject to the most insane eye-rolling ever inflicted on a human being.
I do need to catch up on some marking and housework, so I shan't be lazy for long. Unfortunately. I would really like to just spend the day scrapping photos on HM.

So. I have been blogging for a while now and I am at my 500th post! I usually let all these blog-milestones pass by, but I know a lot of you have done a question-answer thing for them and since I seem to be having a hard time writing lately I think having you ask me questions would be a great plan.
So for the next week, I will be collecting your questions and then answering them in a big bloggiversary post for my 500th post. So ask me anything!

missed bits...

OH! I forgot to mention! Zed is sleeping through the night! From at least 11 til 7, so I am rejoicing. All my other kids were excellent sleepers by about 2 months, and at the latest by 5 months. So this non-sleeping baby was a shocker, but he has got it now. phew! He is even napping.
Oh! And he is drinking from a cup and eating everything in sight and still nursing like a champ. I keep expecting him to plump up a bit, but so far, not so much. He does this really cute biting thing with the rubber spout on his cup, it makes a squeaking sound that makes him laugh. Aw!

My weekly post... *Gasp!*

Well I have started 5 or 6 posts recently that just haven't gotten written, but Mrs. P told me to post something so here I am.
I have a teething baby and we are all just getting over some wicked colds. Poor Zed and Monkey are working on their second, yucky, 2 to 3 week viruses back to back. It has been a fun week! Zed's bottom right tooth has broken through, and the other one is getting there. His gums are swollen and bleeding and he is uncharacteristically miserable. Even in the midst of his horrible cold, he would flash us his face-lighting smile constantly. Today? He has been yelling and crying at me and pulling my hair.
He has had a huge week, he is changing in leaps and bounds. He is starting to creep along the furniture, I can't keep him from pulling up on everything and climbing things. Every time I turn around, he is in the bottom of the exersaucer or on the bottom shelf of something. Each day he spends more time crawling on hands and knees and less on his belly. He learned his second word. When my sister was here last week, he kept waving at her and saying, "Hiyeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" No babababa for this guy, right on to the real words. His first word was Mama, of course. It seems as if he has always said, "Maaaaaam," while crying, I can't remember him not doing it. Girly did too.
Zed went to his first hockey game this weekend. I took all of the kids to my nephew's hockey tournament and remembered that though I have missed the kids playing hockey this year, it is a huge pain taking a mobile baby to the arena. Ugh.
Hmm... What else is happening here at casa de mighty? Oh! I know, I have joined my sister as a Mary Kay consultant. What an amazing company, I am thrilled to be associated with them and sharing their products with people. They truly are a company built by women helping women both in business and through the Mary Kay Ash foundation. I am having my debut this weekend and if you ever need anything, let me know!
The weather here is gorgeous, the sun is shining and it is a balmy 18 degrees. Can't wait for my walk, I should step away from my computer and out into the day.