Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Mission Impossible

June 5, 2013

Wee Sunshine brought me a letter from the Melissa and Doug mailbox. It was the secret mission letter, so I pretended to open it with him. Zed wanted to come and be a part of the secret mission so I told them that the secret mission was to find 4 orange items in the house. Orange is Sunshine's favourite colour.

They quickly came back with 4 orange items and a map. They wanted another mission. Find 6 blue items was the next mission. When they  came back with their blue items and tallied them for me, they wanted yet another mission. My bed was now piled high with their treasures, so I knew what the next mission had to be. Put all the blue and orange items away.

Zed immediately rebutted with, "I do not choose to accept that mission, Mom." and off he went.

Friday, May 03, 2013


I was weary today, and didn't really feel like doing anything, never mind playing make believe while I was trying to cook. But my almost 8 year old Girly and her 2.5 year old Sunny sidekick were in costume and knocking at the kitchen entrance, pretending to be trick or treaters. What was I supposed to do?

I grudgingly answered the door and handed out pretend treats, then retreated back to the stove. Seconds later, they arrived at the other side of the kitchen, knocking at the entrance. So over I went, 'pretending' to be a grumpy person, irritated at trick or treaters. My sweet kids giggled. By the third knock at the door, I was ready to enter their make believe.

Each knock was answered by a different character. There was the funny woman with the accent, the giant who was relieved the kids weren't there to play tricks on him and had a treasure chest of candy to share. There was the 'gangsta', the little old lady, and the sheltered princess who had never eaten candy or been trick or treating.

She was invited along for the fun, dressed as what else, but a princess. She was well loved by the Halloweeners and ended up having her first sleepover complete with movies and soda!

Imaginary play is not something that I think of myself as doing well. I am often way to immersed in the drudgery of the real world to allow myself to be caught up in their play. But we had fun, even if it was soon interrupted by dinner. And my daughter was so pleased to be my playmate.

PS: These photos are wishful thinking. We do not have green grass yet. We finally got rid of the snow in the last week! These shots are from last spring, boy have my sweeties grown!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


As I step outside, I am rendered momentarily blind by the dazzling light, reflected off of the fresh snow. The sky so stunningly blue, I can barely look at it. I quickly grab my shades off of my head (where they act as a headband for my unruly mop of hair) and plunk them on my nose, instantly releasing a sigh of relief.
Oh, glorious sunshine. Spring in the North! I don't know that the sun is ever as bright, anywhere else on earth.
Even that spring sunshine is barely making a dent in the bone-deep weariness that has overtaken me. Winter has been long. By Halloween, we had cold and snow. Then more and more and more snow. Then, we had a gorgeous February, the world was alive with hope of the end. But it was a false, temporal hope. March roared in like a lion and he keeps rearing his ugly head.
Yesterday was very emotional, something shattered my dented hope, and I reacted with volatile anger, rather than grace. I am defeated and ashamed. I feel powerless in my situation and have lost my perspective. But these are just feelings. Feelings that are temporary. My hope is not in the temporal, but in the eternal. There is a pinhole in the shroud of my weariness, and through it I can glimpse hope. Glorious hope. Redemption, forgiveness, the relinquishing of my burdens to one far better equipped to carry them. And he wants to. Carry my burdens, I mean. He tells me so, over and over again. I can be thick-headed at times. (Usually.) But I can hear him still. "Let me carry that for you. My shoulders are strong. Come on, give it up! What are you going to do with that garbage, it is weighing you down. You can't live in my freedom, rest in my grace, rise on my wings while carrying that stuff. My daughter! Give me your worries, your shame, your fear. Let me release you of their shackles so you can get on with the important stuff. Living out my love. Sharing of grace. Peaceful rest. Victorious, fearless, abundant life!"
I am trying to let go. Trying to breath deeply, release the tight pain in my face and neck and shoulders. I am trying so hard!
That isn't how it works though, is it. It isn't in the trying. Striving is just another way of hanging on. Doing it myself...
It is in surrender.
So I need to learn to surrender. What does that look like? I can't envision it right now. Oh God, show me!

Created with Haiku Deck, the free presentation app for iPad

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Blessed am I.

February 17, 2013

37. Eternity. Pastor B was speaking from 1 Peter 4 today, and talking about eternity. My heart did a little lurch. I thought of how, as a parent and as a person, if I have goals set in eternity,  does that change what I am doing each day? Yes! It should! I need that perspective shift. May it be so.

38. Pastor B and his heart for people. He never comes across as pretentious or judgey. He leads with the hearts of the people in his. As Christ does.

39. My mother-in-law sitting in church with us this morning. Pink in her cheeks and a smile on her lips. Thank you God!

40. My oldest son asking for his one-on-one time with me. Can't wait to spend some time with him, that is all about him.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

I am blessed.

About a year ago, a friend introduced me to Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts, a challenge to recognize and celebrate all of God's gifts in your life. I recorded 20 gifts and then kind of kept putting off the writing of my gifts. ahh, procrastination, my nemesis...
Here are my gifts today:

21. A little girl who is so very thrilled to spend tonight with her Daddy.
22. A husband, who is such an amazing father that he recognizes the need to treat his daughter as a princess, to take her to the Daddy/Daughter Ball, and to even fill her request to get a tie that matches her dress.
23. A daughter who notices things like 'men should wear a tie that matches their date's dress'
24. A wee boy who yells, "HUG!" as Daddy is putting him to bed for his nap, and then he wraps his wee, darling arms around my neck, squeezing me in the most precious embrace.
24. Teenagers who still laugh and wrestle with their Dad and want their mama to hug them and rub their backs.
25. My husband's job where he is off work at 2:30pm, the same time the teens are done school.
26. 2 afternoons this week, spent sitting in the living room, in the sun, chatting with my teenaged boys and their father, while the younger siblings drifted in and out, gifting us with cuddles and their play.
27. Peaceful littles during our homeschool/Classical Conversations morning. Last week they were chaotic, so it was an extra gift.
28. Lovely, Christian, praying and also home educating friends.
29. My mother-in-law was fine, even though she had a missed bleed after her angiogram
30. Listening to and marvelling at my 2 year old's developing speech. super sweet!
31. My husband teaching our four year old to count higher.
32. Knowing that there are 3 more days in our weekend!
33. The joy and fear of learning new choir music for our Easter choir. I don't think I found one right note on Tuesday, but the music and fellowship are gorgeous and I know that it will all come together!
34. The encouragement I have already found in our studying of 1 Peter. The challenge too!
35. Our home. I have felt discouraged and frustrated at the mess it is currently in. But it is ours. And we are healthy and strong and able to clean and improve it! And we have lots of time this weekend too.
36. The inventiveness and creativity of my eldest son. And the time my husband took to help him bring his creation to life, in metal! They welded a DNA model for B's bio class. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Little Lie

January, 2013
2! How fun is 2?
My baby is 2 and a bit and has been making me laugh so much lately. Yesterday I was reading an article about preschoolers and lying. A group of researchers was conducting experiments with children and lying. They were shocked to find out that 30% of the 2 year olds would lie. It had previously been thought that they were not cognitively mature enough to lie.
Well apparently 2 year olds can lie. I have proof! This morning, my wonderful father-in-law rescued me by bringing my keys, after my husband accidentally took them to work with him. He also brought doughnuts for the kids. Sweet torture for mom, but I let the grandparents do some spoiling if they want.
Anyhoo... There was a doughnut sitting on the counter after the kids each ate one. I went upstairs for a minute and came back down to see many wee bites had been taken out of it. Sunshine was in the kitchen, so I asked him who had eaten the doughnut.
"Oohdah!" he said. Which is how he says his big brother's name. Someone else called out that Sunshine had eaten it.
"Sunshine, did you eat the doughnut?"
He sheepishly grinned at me, tilted his head to the side and sighed resignedly, "Mmmhmmm."

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

The post in which I whine...

Today is one of those days. One in which I know that the only way I will get through is by the grace and strength I find in my God. One that started way too early with a little boy who had wet his bed. Then he wet his bed again. Then he wet my bed. Then my toddler wet through his diaper, all over his bed.
I knew by the second wet bed that there was little hope of getting enough rest to rid myself of the headache that has been sitting above my right eyeball for 13 days. Or for the flu that has been making me ache and moan for 5 days or so, to leave. I laid in bed, next to the wet, wee boy and the giant wet spot, praying, "God, please let us all sleep just a wee bit more. Please. Sleep."
The little boy, who kept wetting the bed, also has the flu (as does Daddy). He is feverish and whiny, extremely whiny. My newly preteen boy, has a newly minted attitude problem to go with his new potty humour fetish. So our school day has been full of whining and eye rolling and arm folding. (and a few inappropriate body part references...)

Brent called from work, right in the middle of the chaos. After making a few sympathetic noises, he made the little chuckle that I know means that he is very thankful to be at work, and not dealing with the chaos. I whimpered through the phone, "Please come and save me..."
Brent laughed and said, "If I am coming home, I am bringing my man cold with me."
I had to laugh. I know what that means. He goes to bed until he feels better and I still deal with the rest. Funny only because we both know it to be true.

Don't get me wrong, he is an awesome partner and co-parent. He has been trying really hard to let me rest and feel better, he took over all weekend. He is a very active parent, he shares in the cooking, shopping and cleaning. Usually. And he can suck it up and work hard, even when he is very sick. But if he gets sick and has the luxury of being home, well, we don't see him again until he is well. He is smart like that. If only we were all so smart as to get man colds. Instead of lingering martyr/mother illnesses, which stick around because either we can't get enough rest to get well, or they keep getting passed back and forth between us and our boogery faced children.

Silly mama. I think that as soon as I finish the 5 loads of bedding I have to wash today, I will curl up with one of my sickies (and my freshly laundered duvet) and take a nap.

PS: It is not all bad. My previously bickering and whining children, took over the iPad to finish their memory work while I was on the phone and are now all sitting together watching some Brain Pop and getting along while I hide type. And I barely feel guilty, because it is educational.
Now to go make some KD for lunch, which I won't feel guilty about either. My husband picked that and a bunch of fruit and yogurt up (all favourites) for us this week, to make things easier for me!


As I was typing that, I heard the telltale, "click, click, click," of the ignitor on my gas stove. I ran downstairs to find the 2 year old, ripping open a box of KD and trying to start the stove. Apparently he was not content to wait for me to feed him.

Now that I wrote all that down, I feel surprisingly better. Ready to go and cope with the rest of the day. I think I will let the kids do their UB David and I'll B Jonathan Bible studies on the computers this afternoon, while hopefully the 2 small kids nap and I rest. Maybe I will even get out the tea things and the poetry and art books for a tea time with them. Maybe...