Monday, May 09, 2011

Mother's Day

Hope your Mother's Day was lovely. I had a pretty blessed day. I woke up with only one wee babe in my bed and listened to the hurried preparations downstairs. Cards were being crafted, pancakes flipped, milk was being steamed. While my 13 year old slept, the Boy (16) was busy cooking my breakfast while my husband coordinated and made my yummy latte. I am so thankful that my husband was home this year, and that he took it upon himself to make my day special. I love Mother's day morning, there is nothing like that joyful expectation as I await the appearance of all those smiling faces and giddy gift giving.

But not all Mother's Days are joyful, and if yours was not, please know that I empathize with you and I am so sorry. Some years, we are sad because our own Mothers are sick or have passed away. Some of us do not have mothers worthy of celebration. (I am so thankful that I do, my Mother is amazing!) And sometimes, we are aching to be mothers, but our arms are empty.

I will never forget the first Mother's Day after we had our sweet, stillborn baby, Kalila. She was born on April 26, so only a few weeks before Mother's day. As Mother's day approached, I only wanted one thing - my Mother. So I went home to my Mom and was able to just let all my pain hang out with her. She was my rock, she just wept with me. It was a bit hard to be around my sisters who were also pregnant, but mostly because I really didn't want them to feel badly. I wanted their happiness with all my heart, but I wanted mine back too.

That was the hardest Mother's day I have ever had, even though I had two amazing living children, I so wanted my missing daughter, to hold her in my arms. The only way I survived that time was to picture myself in God's arms, big enough for all my sorrow, pain and anger, and to picture Him rocking me as I rocked my baby girl. He was my Mother and my Father through all that time and is still today.

I hope you had an amazing Mother's day, filled with the people you love. Know that you are not alone.

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