So I am doing the single parenting while married thing again. Hubby was laid off a few weeks ago and we have been praying really hard for God's provision and for hubby to be able to stay home. The company that he had been working for called and said that they wanted to send him out of town to work, and since nothing else has come up, Brent left on Sunday to go up north.
I thought I would be fine. That I could handle it. God is here, he is taking care of me. But it is hard. I feel overwhelmed most of the time. It is so noisy here! And I can't sleep! and I have been having migraines. Last night I just wept, wishing someone would come and just hold the baby for a few minutes and give me a break. It has only been 3 days!
Sometimes the everyone needing me, every moment of every day, touching me, whining at me, climbing into my bed at 3 am, when I was finally drifting off to sleep, and then bickering with each other all day while I try not to blow my top and pull out my hair, gets to me.
(Speaking of hair, remember all that hair I lost? It is coming back. Grey. I have all these inch long, wiry, grey hairs sticking up all over my head. I had no grey at all until this last pregnancy. ugh.)
I feel a bit whiny, but this is where I am. I know it is temporary, I keep telling myself this. I know God will carry me. Us. I know there are so many women in the same spot, many of them for much longer and under much scarier circumstances, like those with spouses in the military. But I just want my hubby home. The last 6 months to a year have been an incredible time of growth for us, we are in a wonderful and hopeful place in our relationship and family and I want that to continue. God's blessings are so evident in our life, but I still get worried and scared sometimes.
Thank you God for your provision and abundant blessings and please bring my hubby home safe. Soon.
*edited to add:
Part of my difficulty in his absence is the realization that we are finally finding our rhythm together again. After years of his working out of town off and on; after years of heartaches and upheavals; years of trying to make a go of a business and then letting it go; after years of having babies and even losing one; after all this, I finally feel like we are on the same page, drawing together and drawing closer to God. Not that we have arrived, by any means. But that we are walking in sync, at the beginning of a new path and now we are separated. And I question the wisdom in this. Could this possibly be God's path for us or are we heading off on our own again? Are we letting God, or are we trying to fix it on our own.
It is one thing for me, I just have to stay here and take care of the kids. But what about my husband? The weight of these decisions weighs on him. He wants to be here with us, but he also wants us to have a roof over our heads and food to eat. He desires to walk in God's will, but to do that he has to act and trust that he is making the right decisions. And then he has me at home, crying on the phone and then he questions himself.
I think that by making the best of the opportunities presented to us, being present and open God's direction and remembering to rest in Him, we shall be fine. I need to stop struggling and start trusting.