Sunday, June 03, 2007

Lilacs

The huge lilac outside my bedroom window is finally in full bloom, each blossom opened and rich with wonderful scent. My head cold has abated just enough that I can catch the occasional scent of my flowers. I am hoping that as I lay in bed tonight I will 'unstuff' enough to inhale their heady aroma as I fall into beautiful dreams...
I just realized that I have spent this day almost entirely silent. The house around me has been buzzing, as it always is with children and all their sounds. The stereo in the car was turned way up as is usual. There were people all around me talking and interacting throughout the day, but I have been carrying on dialogue almost exclusively with myself. This, of course, is not entirely unusual for me, I often have quiet days. Days where I have to force myself to speak, even to my children. Of course when they speak to me I wake a little from my reverie, and interact with them, but on these days I do not seek out conversation even with them.
Often on my silent days, I am content in my head, happy to analyze my life and my heart. Figure out where I am and where I am going, pleased to be allowed the opportunity for peace and quiet. But today I feel profoundly alone.
Now I have lots of people I could call on days like today, friends and family who love me and would love the opportunity to minister to my heart. But even lonely as I feel, I need to be where I am at this moment. To feel what I feel, to think what I think, to process and chew on each morsel until I am done. Tomorrow I will reach out, tomorrow I will call a friend or two to chat or visit and remember that I am never truly alone.

2 comments:

  1. Wise words my friend. I make my life so full of talk that I don't take time for the silent internal dialog with Him that I need.
    Thanks for the chat btw. I'm praying and I miss you.

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  2. *hugs* as long as you know we're here when u need us - thats all that matters. time alone is very good. i myself need more...*hugs*

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