Breaking Point
There are a lot of things in my personal life that I don't touch on here. I just don't feel comfortable with my whole life out there on the internet, even though there are many of you that I would share with in a heartbeat.
I say that to say that there are a lot of personal struggles we are going through at the moment. It seems to be one of those times when God has something he really wants us to get, and apparently we are slow learners. It feels like we are being brought to our knees in so many areas.
We have been through hard times before, many. And God has always brought us through. He will bring us through this time too, I know this with all my heart. Yesterday was a day that broke us in a way that I haven't experienced since the loss of my daughter.
Now the experiences are completely different and I don't think any sorrow or heartbreak compares to the loss of a child, but this time in our lives could be almost as crippling. But I don't feel crippled. I feel relieved.
I feel overwhelming relief, because I feel like God is in control. Instead of us scrambling to maintain control of our crazy life, we have had to just let go. We have done everything in our power and now there is nothing left for us to do.
It's all you God.
I truly wish that we would have just let go and let God, many months or years ago. Maybe we would not be where we are now. But we have made the choices that have brought us to this place. Unfortunately.
A lot of this part of our struggle has been my partner's, it has been much harder on him. And I have felt resentment and anger growing in my heart towards him for some time. (I have done plenty of damage on my own that I am dealing with.) I feel like that those horrid emotions have been washed from my heart today. I feel ready and eager to support my husband in this period of hard choices. And I am looking forward to the day that is coming soon, filled with healing and renewal. A journey that we are on together, lifting each other up, encouraging one another and building a new thing in Christ.
This song is touching my heart and I am hoping that my husband hears it today and knows that his God is running towards him with open arms, shouting, "Son, my precious son."
I say that to say that there are a lot of personal struggles we are going through at the moment. It seems to be one of those times when God has something he really wants us to get, and apparently we are slow learners. It feels like we are being brought to our knees in so many areas.
We have been through hard times before, many. And God has always brought us through. He will bring us through this time too, I know this with all my heart. Yesterday was a day that broke us in a way that I haven't experienced since the loss of my daughter.
Now the experiences are completely different and I don't think any sorrow or heartbreak compares to the loss of a child, but this time in our lives could be almost as crippling. But I don't feel crippled. I feel relieved.
I feel overwhelming relief, because I feel like God is in control. Instead of us scrambling to maintain control of our crazy life, we have had to just let go. We have done everything in our power and now there is nothing left for us to do.
It's all you God.
I truly wish that we would have just let go and let God, many months or years ago. Maybe we would not be where we are now. But we have made the choices that have brought us to this place. Unfortunately.
A lot of this part of our struggle has been my partner's, it has been much harder on him. And I have felt resentment and anger growing in my heart towards him for some time. (I have done plenty of damage on my own that I am dealing with.) I feel like that those horrid emotions have been washed from my heart today. I feel ready and eager to support my husband in this period of hard choices. And I am looking forward to the day that is coming soon, filled with healing and renewal. A journey that we are on together, lifting each other up, encouraging one another and building a new thing in Christ.
This song is touching my heart and I am hoping that my husband hears it today and knows that his God is running towards him with open arms, shouting, "Son, my precious son."
I'm sorry you all are going through such a difficult time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that all works out and that God takes care of you and your family!!!
ReplyDeleteSee you soon - Kellan
Prayers for your family. Hold on. He is always there.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why, but this post has brought me to tears. I'm writing this comment as I listen to that beautiful song and try to type through my tears. You should call me, friend. I'll listen to your heart and you can listen to mine. I'm having a hard time right now, too, but about totally different issues than you. I HEAR your heart for your husband through this sweet post.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find peace and can get through whatever you are dealing with stronger and happier together in the end. My thoughts are with you all and my arms are around you.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that I admire about you Kristen, is your willingness to always look at yourself to improve. You've touched on it so often, and it's one thing I know I could really learn a lot about from you (and goodness knows I need it :)).
ReplyDeleteI wish you and your husband all the best in the coming time. I will be thinking about you.
Hugs - Heidi
*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI hope your path gets easier soon. We don't have to know the details to be supportive.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you guys are going through such a rough time, but I agree that it is a relief when you let God take over. I completely understand that and have been struggling myself with giving Him complete control. I hope that you guys come out of this closer and stronger.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you are going through rough times, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))....many, many (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteoh Kris...
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you and your sweet Godly spirit shines through this post.
You know you can always phone, tell me to shut up and I'll just pray.
I love you and Brent dearly. Hugs,
Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog when you are going through a rough time.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers.
"It seems to be one of those times when God has something he really wants us to get, and apparently we are slow learners." But, you are doing it . . . you are learning. You are growing.
ReplyDeleteIt is so easy to say, "Let go and let God," but it isn't always easy to do.
I don't need to know the details to understand that you are one strong person and that you will find your way through this--with HIS help.
And, it appears you have a lot of awesome people who will be there for you--count me among them.
Love to you . . .
(isn't it amazing how close we all can become when we've never even met IRL?)
i have tears falling freely down my face. i love how honest and from the hear this post is. i am a new reader of yours, but i can FEEL your heart through your words. and this song...wow.
ReplyDeleteFaith will see you through..i truly believe that with all that i am. God is good.
i will add your family to my prayers.
I love this song. It is such a great reminder
ReplyDeleteI hope you guys work through what ever needs to be done. Faith, Hope, Love.
ReplyDeleteIt seems as though your family has the love and strength to come through anything together. You are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI am sending you and your whole family my prayers right now.
ReplyDeleteI pray that healing, renewal and hope are making their way to you this very day.
i love the part of the service when we say peace be with you. because the best thing for me isn't great joy but just some peace. i hope you find more peace soon.
ReplyDeleteOh, honey! My prayers are with your family! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are suffering right now Kristen. I think we are in the same boat - my struggles are primarily my husband's as well and it is so hard to try and be supportive and to press through and not be angry...so very very hard. I am going to try and follow your example and just let God deal with it...(I'm not even a relligious person normally but I feel like I need some help anyway...)
ReplyDelete