There are a lot of things in my personal life that I don't touch on here. I just don't feel comfortable with my whole life out there on the internet, even though there are many of you that I would share with in a heartbeat.
I say that to say that there are a lot of personal struggles we are going through at the moment. It seems to be one of those times when God has something he really wants us to get, and apparently we are slow learners. It feels like we are being brought to our knees in so many areas.
We have been through hard times before, many. And God has always brought us through. He will bring us through this time too, I know this with all my heart. Yesterday was a day that broke us in a way that I haven't experienced since the loss of my daughter.
Now the experiences are completely different and I don't think any sorrow or heartbreak compares to the loss of a child, but this time in our lives could be almost as crippling. But I don't feel crippled. I feel relieved.
I feel overwhelming relief, because I feel like God is in control. Instead of us scrambling to maintain control of our crazy life, we have had to just let go. We have done everything in our power and now there is nothing left for us to do.
It's all you God.
I truly wish that we would have just let go and let God, many months or years ago. Maybe we would not be where we are now. But we have made the choices that have brought us to this place. Unfortunately.
A lot of this part of our struggle has been my partner's, it has been much harder on him. And I have felt resentment and anger growing in my heart towards him for some time. (I have done plenty of damage on my own that I am dealing with.) I feel like that those horrid emotions have been washed from my heart today. I feel ready and eager to support my husband in this period of hard choices. And I am looking forward to the day that is coming soon, filled with healing and renewal. A journey that we are on together, lifting each other up, encouraging one another and building a new thing in Christ.
This song is touching my heart and I am hoping that my husband hears it today and knows that his God is running towards him with open arms, shouting, "Son, my precious son."