Saturday, September 18, 2010

Breakdown

I think the lack of sleep and 8.5 months pregnant thing is starting to get to me. Last night I had 2 complete breakdowns. At one point I was laying on my bed sobbing for everyone to just stop touching me. My whole body was sore and achy and my 3 littles wouldn't stop climbing all over me, leaning on my belly and jiggling the bed. Then my husband came home and laid himself down and then started wrestling with them. That was the breaking point. "Please, just get them off of me... He is hurting my tummy, please get him off of me... Please stop moving... All of you....hiccup... sob..."

Can I just say, he wasn't all that helpful.

Brent is working his last week at the refinery as a foreman on a shutdown. He is getting up at 4 to work a 13 hour shift and then drive an hour back home at night. He is exhausted when he comes home. He picks up Superboy from football on his way home, then helps me put the kids to bed and collapses on the bed.

After a week of really not connecting, last night he engaged me in conversation. He was asking me about some friends who are going through difficult times and so I shared a bit with him. He then proceeds to play devil's advocate for 45 minutes. This put his already over-emotional and over-tired wife on the defensive. So instead of having some connecting time, me sharing some of my burden with him and us praying together, we were kind of arguing.

So, breakdown number two. "Why do you always have to do that?! Why turn every conversation into a fight?! I am worried and upset and instead of caring about me and our friends, you are being an ASS!"
I am not even sure how I got so many awful, inflammatory words out of my mouth in between the earth shattering sobs wracking my body, but there you are.

I almost cried myself to sleep, but instead I roused myself to be mad that he wasn't comforting me in my sobbing. Poor guy. Couldn't win for losing.

Finally I got up to blow my nose, crawled into bed, buried my head in his chest and we both went to sleep. Thank goodness. I am sure if he had been more awake, he would have been thankful too.

This morning, I am feeling almost as fragile as I did last night, so I am going to be watching myself carefully. I have a big to do list, but that may become more 'nap and have a cup of tea' than 'clean my entire house and teach a full day of school.'

4 comments:

  1. Oh no! Controlling emotions while being so pregnant was tough for me, too. And I only had one small child to deal with at that time! I hope you did relax and drink tea and didn't even think about cleaning the house.

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  2. I hope you do take some time for yourself. No one is going to be happy if the mama's not happy.

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  3. Oh this is not good for you. I hope you find some peace and relaxation somehow. I hope things turn around and you are feeling better soon.

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  4. It sounds like you're doing just fine - everyone loses it a little sometimes. Just rest and put your feet up, and try not to worry about the house. If you clean it, someone will just mess it up for you again!

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