Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I am glad that tomorrow is Thursday.

Interesting day. I feel crappy. My whole head and face hurt, right down to my freckles. I feel weepy and overwhelmed, like I am not dealing. I really want to eat some sugar and fat. Together. Cookies, brownies, cake, oh my!

It was, in reality, a pretty good day. I finished up the kids school schedule, got it printed and all their assignments ready. (My days go so much better when they know what is expected and they have stuff to keep them busy.) They did their work and were done school by 11 am again. I did kindergarten with Monkey and Girly, pre-writing activities, matching and sorting games, reading. The big brothers played board games with the littles and took them outside to run around. After dinner, we all played a game of cranium cadoo together while Zed cried in my arms. Girly was on my team and she is great at charades!

A good day, but not one I could wholly enjoy. Their laughter and energy hurt my ears and made me feel irritable. Can I admit that I really didn't want to go downstairs and play a board game with them? I wanted to curl up in my bed and watch tv. By myself. But more than that, I wanted my kids to have a happy memory of us all playing together. I love them all to pieces. I want them to have fun and enjoy themselves. But we are all in each other's space all the time. Our house is so teensy for all the people in it. All. The. Time. I am totally praying for a house that fits our needs a bit better. I am so thankful for our home, but some space would be nice.

I need to remember a few things. I need to get out of the house every day. By myself preferably. Even a quick, 15 minute walk would do the trick. I need to remember that Zed is only 2 weeks old, and I can give myself some leeway. Some permission to feel how I do and to take it easy for a bit. I need to take naps and remember to take my iron to build my levels back up. I need to let go and enjoy hanging out with my kids, that is why I do this crazy stay-at-home mom / homeschooling thing. Because I have the most terrific kids and I want to spend time with them.

I am sure there are some things I am forgetting to remember! But that's okay. I am tired, I am allowed to forget stuff. Right?

12 comments:

  1. Hi Kristen!

    You are entitled to feel overwhelmed, over-joyed.. etc right now. You're an awesome Mommy & your kids are amazing.

    We all have days when we want so.. very much to truly enjoy the little moments with our kiddos & yet, we feel like we're holding the weight of the world on our shoulders & just want to curl up in a corner somewhere-all alone--for a while.

    Know that you have friends praying for you & your family & that you are loved.

    Keep your chin up & your eyes on Jesus.. He will give you the joy, strength & energy that you need! :)

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  2. Sorry you're feeling down. I think it's completely understandable, and the 15 minutes a day for yourself sounds like a great idea. Glad schooling is going well!

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  3. AW sweetie. I understand...completely! Take some time. I think you're amazing for playing that board game. I'm not sure I would have been so generous.

    Hugs. I'll be praying for your home too!

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  4. Of course, you're allowed! And those happy memories are so worth the sacrifice!

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  5. Ahh, this one really spoke to me, and I only have two now. We're all in each other's space, sharing a bathroom, knocking into each other at every turn. I can't wait 'til this stinking construction is over.

    I hope you can sneak in some time for you; it's been a long nine months you need to recover from. You're such an inspiration to me -- and I *so* mean that in an incredibly corny way. ;)

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  6. Girl,I had major post-partum depression and circumstances of my "real" life complicated it a lot. I often felt overwhelmed and happy and sad at the same time. And at the time, it seemed like I would feel that extreme rollercoater of emotions for the rest of my life. Our youngest is 10 now and it seems easy (finally) for the first time and it only took ten years to get here! Anyway, I didn't mean to make this all about me! :-)
    The walking by yourself sounds like a great idea!!!! Hang in there, friend. You are such a great mom and your honesty and sweetness is such an encouragement to me!

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  7. You're doing great for two weeks post. That's a lot of stuff in one day, try to get a little time for yourself if that's at all possible. Feel better.

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  8. I hope you're getting a great night's rest. :)

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  9. You're my hero. Like, seriously.

    My two little ones make me feel overwhelmed daily.

    I don't know how you do it!! :)

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  10. Of course you don't always want to play the game darlin' girl....You do it because your commitment to them and this thing called family is bigger than you. But keep yourself in the frame or pretty soon you won't have enough left to give.
    You ma'am need a foot rub and a hot bath. Tell your husband it is a prescription. Your harmones are still in a whirl and of course you are a teensy little bit, hardly worth mentioning really, tired.....Add a little really dark chocolate to that bath and foot rub and I promise you will be all set....

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  11. oh sweet girl. I agree - foot rub and a hot bath. A dark room and your body to yourself for an hour.

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