Tuesday, July 22, 2008

We are fine.

K, here is a sign of our booming economy here in Alberta. First we drove around for an hour looking for a place to drop off our used clothing and bedding. The Goodwill had closed and all we could find were some drop boxes for charities I had never heard of. Today we drove over to the Salvation Army store and they told us that they have no staff to sort and price their donations. They have a warehouse full of stuff and can't even sell it. The woman kindly suggested giving our things directly to shelters, so that is what we will do from now on. Because the thrift stores can not hire staff.
I know that tons of the fast food joints in the area have closed their drive-thrus in the past 2 years because they can not hire enough people and all customer service has greatly suffered.
But. But, as we drove home there were still young guys standing on the meridian panhandling. One wearing designer jeans??? anyway.

So I had my OB appointment this morning. Remember how I said that I had lost 5 pounds last time? Well this week they were back. With 2 friends. oops.
I had a little scare while there. My blood pressure has been high for me for the last couple months. I am usually a 90's over 60's gal while pregnant. Well I have been 120's over 80's and 90's. So not officially high, but borderline. This doesn't seem to be of concern to my doctor, but has been worrying me off and on. So before I went, I prayed that if there was any issues that they would make themselves apparent to my doctor while I was there. Thinking that maybe my blood pressure is higher sometimes, but not showing that while at the doctor.
So they do my blood pressure, it is 'fine', 120 over 80. Then the doctor comes in and listens to babe. I know within seconds that she is concerned because she keeps the doppler there for a very long time. Like a minute or two. Which seems like a long time when you are worried.
She then tells me to just hop on over to the hospital for a non-stress test. Right now. Baby's heart rate is elevated, probably nothing, just an active phase, but go anyway.
I get all the way to the bathroom before I cry.
See, when you have had a previous baby die in your womb, there is a moment of panic every time that doppler gets near your tummy. What if this is the time she can't find his heartbeat? Every time you are busily engrossed in your day and you stop and realize you haven't felt any movements for a while, you freak out for a second. Usually I then have a piece of chocolate and try to sit quietly until I feel baby again.
Part of the reason I haven't done any shopping for this baby yet, is that I can hardly believe that I will get to hold a living child at the end. This seems ridiculous, because my body has managed to produce 4 living babies and only 1 dead baby. But that is just my truth right now.
I received a lovely little onesie the other day from a friend. The first thing that anyone has give me for baby 'Ra. My first thought was, 'Ack!' Then I told myself that it was okay, if baby died maybe I could dress him in it still.
So, I cried for a second and then I pulled it together and walked down to pay for more parking and hike over to the hospital. I got lost. I found my way and made it to perinatal and sat to wait my turn. And I cried again. Just a teensy bit. And then baby started to move around a lot and I just prayed for him and wiped away the tears.
The results of the test were perfect. Baby is fine. He has a high baseline heart rate (150's to 160's), so the accelerations are relatively high as well. Into the 180's while on monitor. That is what my doctor was hearing, thankfully.
So I left there a little worse for wear, but relieved. And I didn't even get a ticket, though my parking had expired!
A nice bonus-my hubby had gotten my upset message about going for the test and decided to come home and make sure we were okay, so I got to melt into his arms and be comforted when I got home. Perfect.

21 comments:

  1. Glad everything is fine!
    (((hugs)))

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  2. How scary! I'm so glad that you and the baby are both alright! Glad your husband was there to comfort you when you got home.

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  3. So glad eveyrthing is fine. BIG hugs to you.

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  4. Those are the best embraces...from the man we love. Glad you are doing well.

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  5. Ugh. I so know those scary feelings just before every check up, every ultrasound, every doppler check... That moment when you allow your heart and mind to go to your worst fear- the fear we both know can actually become a reality. I know that most of the time I managed to keep my worries in check and could stay focused on all of the positive statistics, but it just isn't possible to stay in that frame of mind all of the time. Not when you have held a baby you wanted and loved and watched him or her (or in my case, both) slip away. You just can't help it...

    I'm so very thankful that both you and the baby are okay. Very, very thankful.

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  6. Great to read everything warm and fine with you.


    Mike
    http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/


    Looking for photo ideas? Please visit 12 Photo Ideas To Try This Summer

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  7. oh honey - so sad you had that scare...glad you are both fine now. Hang in there. HUGS

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  8. I am so thankful that everything is alright with you & your precious baby. I understand "your truth"(because it has been mine, too).. after you've lost one(or more) little ones it is hard to not be waiting for the doctor to announce that something is really wrong. Sitting & waiting for test results & trying to read doctor's faces is a very scary place to be.

    I am praying for God to give you peace & that the rest of your pregnancy will go perfectly, too.

    I love you, My Sweet Sister in Christ! Thank you for all of your encouraging words!

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  9. Glad to hear everything is ok! I'd be scared too. You're almost done!

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  10. So very scary, dude. So very scary.

    *hugs*

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  11. I'm so glad that everything is ok....I won't pretend to know exactly how you feel, but I have been pregnant more than my two children show....and Olivia never cooperated for me in-utero. She never moved. Even after my glucose test she didn't move. I had so many ultrasounds and random heart checks because I was so paranoid and scared that I was going to lose her too....but nope, she was just already giving me troubles right from the start! I should have known she was just going to be defiant and do her own thing no matter what!! :) hugs to you. This baby will be here, soon. Healthy and happy.

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  12. I am telling you I have had a good feeling about this pregnancy and this baby all along. And I am the third daughter of the third daughter. We are witchy and we know...

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  13. It must be very scary. I'm glad all the news was good.

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  14. I can't imagine how frightening it must be to have to go through a pregnancy again after having a baby die. I am in awe of how brave you are! I am so glad everything is ok :) Thinking of you and hoping everything continues to go well for you!

    Best wishes
    Jane
    x

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  15. So glad to hear that everything is ok. Guess I didn't know about your previous experience and I am so sorry that happened to your and your family.

    Many prayers that all continues to go well and for a healthy last few weeks & delivery...

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  16. I'm so happy that everything is okay. I can say that reading your blog brought tears to my eyes. Especially the last line about your husband-- super sweet and supportive. Have a wonderful day!

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  17. Glad to know that things are ok. Your husband is a wise man.

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  18. argh! It wouldn't post my comment yesterday.
    I'm so glad all is well with Ra:) We're praying too.
    Love you and big hugs. Can't wait to actually meet him irl.

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  19. Oh, I'm so glad that all is well. You WILL be holding that precious baby in your arms soon. Keep that chin up, hon!

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  20. Oh, I'm sorry for the scare, but so happy everything is going well with your sweet baby. You take care of yourself - see you soon - Kellan

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  21. Glad things are ok. And Yay for hubby being such a sweet guy

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