Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Husband Matters

My husband has been home from work for about a month and I am reminded of why we are married. We truly like each other. In general, the more time we get to spend together, the better we get along. Of course, my love language is 'quality time' and that means that I want people to sit with me and look at me and talk with me. I need my partner to pay attention to me and and to hear me. I also love doing active things together, working out, running, playing, anything that promotes togetherness.
So he is home everyday, we are out and about doing things with the kids and with each other and... I kinda like the guy. That was not necessarily the case a few weeks ago, I mean I love him. That is a choice I make each day. But when he is working a lot or out of town, communication breaks down. I feel completely alone at times, that all the stress of running a household and raising kids falls on my shoulders. But that is never really true. I have a partner in this journey of life, in parenting, even if he is just a voice on the phone at the end of a very long day. He truly does want to be a part of every aspect of our family, and is often frustrated that his distance from us prevents him from participating fully.
Those first few days home are always difficult. He has been away from the craziness that is our house, away from the hustle and bustle of family life, away from the whining and laughing and crying and fighting. He has been in the land of grownups and answering only to himself. So it is always an adjustment for him to be at home. He has to acclimate to us once again and that is not always a gentle transition.
For my part, I have to adjust all my patterns and schedules and my ideas of doing things MY way to accommodate another adult in the home. There is often some butting of heads in the first few days as we learn to make compromises for each other. I have a tendency to expect too much of my husband in those first few days and therefore I am a bit impatient with his need for transition time. When he loses his temper with the kids, I get indignant and say things like, "I am the one who has had to deal with these kids all by myself for the last month, why do you have the right to get frustrated with them?" This is usually done in a rather loud, obnoxious voice in an octave that my husband can barely hear.
For the most part though, my husband and I are so thankful to be together once again that we are pretty forgiving and learn to make things work. Right now I am so enjoying his company and support. He is putting himself fully into our family, more than he has in months and I can not begin to express how grateful for that. I need him and the children need him, we think he is pretty terrific. And now it is really looking like he may have to go away again. I don't know how I will stand that again. God's grace is sufficient for all my needs, my brain knows this, but is has yet to tell my heart.


  1. This is a great post. I have just completed a post for tonight about esentially the same thing - my hubby is often away at work and readjusting to having him around is hard!

  2. Great post....I totally know where you are coming from. My husband owned a landscaping business when we first lived together, and he would be gone all the time from May to November, and just as soon as I got used to doing things my own way it would be winter and he'd be home all the time, bored, and getting in my hair! And we didn't even have kids then....I imagine if it's hard on you, it's sometimes excruciating for them to understand. Big hugs!

  3. Ah Kris,
    I love ya. You should tell Brent to read this, he'll be honored by your words!
    Wish we were closer!

  4. oh and ps - I tagged you. Don't do it if you don't want too:)

  5. This was such a nice post about what sounds like a really great relationship - I loved it! See you soon. Kellan

  6. You're lucky to have such a close relationship with your husband!

    I hope he doesn't have to go away again. If so, and you get lonesome, feel free to email me or chat! *hugs*

  7. Oh Kristen,
    My heart hurts for you that he might need to go away again. My love language is quality time too and I can only imagine how bad it would be for us if I didn't have any of that quality time for a while. I'm so glad you are trusting God to sustain you. Hang in there, my friend.

  8. Miss Sniz - so, your love language is "quality time?" Sheesh. I wish you would have told me all these years. I have to go and read it on someone else's blog.


  9. "I am the one who has had to deal with these kids all by myself for the last month, why do you have the right to get frustrated with them?"

    We share a brain!