Wednesday, July 20, 2011

What Was I Thinking?!

I think about this place everyday. I want to write, I have so many things rushing around in my head, just itching to get out. So many memories that get lost in the jumble of my thoughts because I haven't taken the time to put them to paper. (or screen as the case may be) The last 2+ years have been a blur, a crazy, fun, messy, sleepless blur. Having kids in your mid-thirties on top of the ones you had in your early twenties....
and your early thirties...          is insane!
My body is definitely showing its age. Going without sleep results in grumpy, headachey mommy with tight skin and wrinkles and dark circles. At 20-something, the sleeplessness was a minor blip!
I love my nutty life! My kids are amazing, if a bit loud and not a few of them remind me of  Pig Pen. I am daily amazed at what goes on in their wee brains and comes out of their not-so-wee mouths. Their deliciously tight hugs and sticky kisses, warm the cockles of my heart and plaster over the cracks left in my sanity by the constant whirlwinds of activity, noise and dirt.
There was a time when I wondered what the heck I was thinking, having kids (to be honest, I wonder this daily), staying at home with them, home educating... I questioned whether or not what I was doing had value in this world, I thought others would look down on me for not having a big career or finishing my education. Heck, I looked down upon my self, my vocation at times. I thought it somehow made me less than.
But I am so much smarter now. As I get older, I understand, more and more, the idea that our lives have seasons. This is my season for raising and launching my children. For giving them the best start that I can, for embracing the opportunity I have been given to stay at home with them and pour as much love and care into them as I possibly can. For preparing them to lauch successully into their own lives.
Of course I am sometimes anxious and excited to learn what the next season will hold, but for now, I want to soak up as many cuddles and snuggles, baby rolls and wet kisses, dirt and noise that I can.

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