Mighty Morphin' Mama

22/366

2012-01-22T21:41:00.002-07:00

Today was pink and slow.

The kids and Brent are entering the Valentine's day Hair Massacure, to help kids with cancer and their families. The first step in this process was to dye everyone's hair pink. Even Zed did it, we only let Girly do one pink foil though. On the second day of February, they will all have their heads shaved. We are asking friends and family to donate on our page and hopefully the kids will have a bit of empathy with kids who lose their hair due to their treatments.
Unfortunately, I chickened out and am not getting my head shaved this year. And Girly isn't either, but the 4 big boys all pinked their hair and will be bald soon.

9/366

2012-01-09T18:52:00.002-07:00

The kids have been playing outside in the front yard because the back is completely covered in ice. Today Dr. J was climbing the tree and throwing down the berries to Girly and Zed.
The preschooler has added wetting his pants to the screaming. Recently, he has gotten in the habit of holding his pee until the last second, where he is running around, screaming like his hair is on fire, before finally consenting to use the bathroom. Today, apparently, he has given up trying to use the toilet and just let it go in his pants. sigh. I took to rewarding him, with the gum he has been screaming for, when he finally peed on the toilet.
We started our schooling back up this week, the big guys did their online stuff last week, but I did math, LA, Bible and History with the younger kids today. It was nice to feel like we accomplished something.
The Boy had guitar lessons today and Brent received his certificate for the adult educator course he took before Christmas. Oh! And it is football registration for Superboy again tonight. phew!

8/366

2012-01-09T18:50:00.001-07:00

So warm for January!
Today was a total fail for me. We made it to church, 15 minutes late, and that was the very best part of the day. I have a preschooler who has been whining continually for days and he just keeps yelling the same thing over and over again at me and I am pretty done. I guess I have a new parenting challenge to figure out.

6/366

2012-01-06T21:10:00.002-07:00

My gorgeous girl, in her leopard 'skin' coat, with her baby snow leopard. And the too small hat I crocheted. In the gorgeous winter afternoon sun, on this 0 degree day.

5/366

2012-01-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

We are forever freaking out because someone has left the bathroom door open and baby Sunshine loves to play in the toilet. Tonight at bedtime, we were racing around looking for him, found the door open and were despairing of the mess we expected to find. That is until we found him sitting in the tub in the dark. Waiting for a bath.

4/366

2012-01-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

"My Hockey Shirt!" "Is today a game day, Momma?"
Nana got this jersey for him for Christmas, best reaction ever, he was so excited.

3/366

2012-01-06T21:04:00.001-07:00

Baby Sunshine has decided that his favourite breakfast is MiniWheats with milk. The cutest part is when he drinks the milk out of the bowl. (I actually gave him a little portion of seconds so that I could catch him on camera after I saw him do this.)

2/366

2012-01-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

My long forgotten Santa's village was brought out this year. I think it may be time to take down the decorations.

1/366

2012-01-06T20:58:00.001-07:00

Zed made a cracker man at supper. I thought it was brilliant! We had a lovely day with special friends, visiting to celebrate the new year and Dr. J's birthday. With lots of snacks.

The Real Mighty's

2011-12-04T17:21:00.001-07:00

I absolutely can't wait to print the last 5 of these goofy, photobooth canvases I did of our family. I made the kids pose for some silly shots and then put the photos into 8" x 20" rectangular canvases at MamasMemories.ca. When I finally get my hallway painted, these are going on the wall as you go up the stairs. I found the inspiration for these on Pinterest, one of my visual obsessions! These are 3 separate canvases of my middle kids.

Explosions.

2011-11-30T12:20:00.001-07:00

Zed has had a language explosion in the last month or two. He has always spoken a lot, but he has had a very hard time making himself understood. I had to try really hard and I only got maybe half of what he was trying to say. I can't imagine how frustrating the last year or two has been for him. He has always been extremely verbal; he could use pronouns correctly before he was two; he could also construct complex sentences.

Finally, we can understand most of what he is saying. Sometimes it takes a little guessing, but he is doing so much better. And the things he has to say are pretty insightful and incredible. "Mama, what 'be careful' mean?" "Okay, I see..." he says when he gets his answers. So cute.

The one sad spot for me in his newfound verbal growth is that he has started calling me, "Mo-ee," (mommy) instead of my beloved, "Mama." Mama is by far, my favourite name.

Zed is also showing great interest in the written word. He knows a number of letters and what words or sounds they stand for. P is for Papa was his favourite. Then E is for Eppy, which is what he calls himself.
He now points to words that he finds and asks me, "Mama, what this word say?" and then I have to read it to him. He will sit with me and a book and point to the words and 'read' them. Or I will read and point and he will read along out loud, pointing as he goes. I have a feeling that he will be another early reader.

Baby Sunshine is also having a language explosion. He, at 1, already has a lot of words. He has names for all of us, plus he says 'brother'. He says hi and ball, up, asks 'what dat?', says wah wah (water), bo-uh (for cup or water bottle), and lots of other things that escape me at the moment. Apparently, he is continuing his trend of trying to keep up with his older siblings; sort of like when he walked by nine months. His favourite word is Be-uh, which is what he calls his big sister. She is the highlight of his life, the apple of his eye. She is his little momma and plays with him and caretakes him.

This week, we had a rash of tooth loss. Teeth were popping out all over the place. Dr. J is officially toothless. He has one giant front tooth and 4 missing around it. I do not know how he eats! Girly also lost 2 teeth. Our hapless and inept tooth fairy is officially broke. (inept because she is continually missing appointments and leaving teeth behind...)

Life with 6 children is full of explosions. Excitement and noise and messes and is often so fast-paced that you can get lost in the hectic pace and forget to be still in the eye of the hurricane and record, remember, have gratitude, be present and enjoy. Over the Christmas season, I want to be really deliberate in these things and let go of expectations and shoulds so that I can count it joy with my family. Part of that journey this year is celebrating Advent and doing a Jesse tree with my kids. This is the study we are using, it is technically missing a few days as advent is at its longest this year, but it will work for us.

Hope you are enjoying this time of preparation as we await the celebration of our most precious gift.

This week with the MMM's

2011-11-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

Today is good. We are on the uphill after a wobbly week. My four little people started getting sick ten days ago, but they are finally getting better. I only have one humidifier going tonight and I didn't have to give any meds at bedtime!

Poor baby Sunshine ended up in the hospital very early Monday morning after a night of not sleeping and labouring to breathe. He had a particularily nasty case of croup, but after 3 treatments of inhaled epinephrine, two steroids and getting his oxygen sats up to 95% he was ready to go home. He was breathing much easier, though he still had some stridor until Tuesday.

None of us did much sleeping in the last week and a half, but after two straight nights of everyone sleeping all night, we are doing much better.

In other, more positive news, my two teenaged sons were involved in a youth drama production at our Church on Sunday. They have been working very hard for the past month and they did an excellent job. I was a little shocked at the powerful message portrayed in the play and how well the group did it. I cried like a baby during the first show. And laughed a lot too. The boys had told us some of the goofy scenes they were in, but until watching, the real message hadn't really sunk in. In one scene, one of the boys gives up his life for the other. Hard for momma to watch. But really good. When it is up on the Church website, I will post the link.

It finally snowed here on Monday, the roads were nutty, but things have settled now. My lovely husband went and got groceries and diapers for us, so I wouldn't have to.

Oh! and Zed started potty learning this week. He was doing fantastic, including doing all his number 2's on the toilet until tonight, when he did 2 of them in his underwear. Not sure what happened there, but tomorrow is a new day. He has actually been taking himself to the potty since January or so, but every time we would put underwear on him, he would piddle. And his siblings were not comfortable with him running bare bum all day! So I just left it, until he was ready, which he seems to be now.

Finally and happily, my husband is working on my kitchen this week. I full expect to have an entire wall of pantry and my wall oven/microwave combo completed this week. They the difficult stuff starts, the ripping out of the entire old kitchen and install of the new. I am hoping for my kitchen to be done by Christmas... I guess we will see. I think this whole thing started in 2007, maybe even 2006!

Lots going on in our family at any given time. I am so thankful that we are all together and that we have so many awesome opportunities.

Broken Wing

2011-08-28T10:25:00.005-06:00

Last year, my second son, Superboy, discovered football. More importantly, he discovered that football is his passion and that it allowed him to grow more into who he is. I love my boy as a footballer, he is just so much happier and content. Even when they were losing, he was just jazzed to be a part of it all.
Yesterday was probably the hardest day in his football career. All was excitement as they got on the bus for their trip to the first game of the season. Dad is coaching this year, so he was there too. Their team then won a decisive victory against their rivals. 5 touchdowns! The first one of the game, with a huge run, was scored by Superboy's backup.
Remember, Superboy broke his arm 2 weeks ago in practice. He couldn't play. He couldn't help his team to victory. He couldn't have his taste of that delicious pie.
Now don't get me wrong. That kid has been at every practice, helping his team with his great understanding and eye for the game. He sat on the sidelines, being eyes for his coaches during this game. Being his teams biggest cheerleader. Encouraging his teammates, patting their backs after a tough play and screaming at the top of his lungs at the great ones. No one was happier to see their team win than my boy.
But he truly felt the sting of not being part of it all. Not running that touchdown in himself. Who wouldn't want to be that guy?
He had a pretty rough rest of his day. I saw the tears welling in his eyes more than once. My heart broke for him, I ached to trade him my good arm for his broken wing. I am worried about him, about depression setting in. I just pray that he turns to God to sustain him and that God heals him quickly so that he can get back to his love. I love my footballer, but I am so very proud of my boy who can't play. That team couldn't ask for a better support than him. He has really shown the kind of man that he is. And I couldn't be more proud.

What a Week!

2011-08-24T10:53:00.001-06:00

Well, first off, The Boy is home safe from his mission's trip. More on that tomorrow.

My original plan for the past week was to have previously got everyone ready to move out for a couple weeks, to have organized and decluttered the house and garage and to have packed up my kitchen. Then the littles and I would leave for Grande Prairie after dropping The Boy off at the airport.
The actuality was that I didn't get anything on my list done except packing The Boy up and a lot of laundry done. When I got home from my 4 am drop-off at the airport and dropped dead asleep in my bed for a bit. I tried to pretend to stay asleep as the kids crawled on my head and asked me repeatedly when we could go to GP.
Then we got up, did some laundry, I packed and loaded the van, buckled the kids and I fed them. I think it was about 2pm by the time we finally left town.
The kids travelled really well, after only 2 stops and under 6 hours, we were in GP and at Nana's house, visiting with my sister and niece. The best friends/cousins were so happy to be together finally! The next day we packed up again and were on the road first thing in the morning to go to our hometown in Northern BC for my Dad's 60th birthday party. Only a 2.5 hour drive each way...
We had a fantastic time there, visiting with my 3 sisters, our extended family, meeting new cousins, eating and remembering. I just wished we had planned on staying there longer, like maybe overnight. There was so much that I wanted to show my kids, the places we used to hang out when we were young and I felt like I barely got to see my Dad at all. Next time we will have to do that.
Tuesday we spent at my Mom's, mostly just us, but my sister did come by and spend the evening with us and my Mom. That evening I got a phone call that I thought was a joke.
My husband was on the phone, it was after football practice and I expected to hear from him then. I could hear Superboy in the background and he was making a fair amout of noise, I assumed he and his Dad were fooling around. Then Brent tells me that Superboy broke his arm. "Whatever", I said, "Don't joke around like that!" Superboy's strange sounds are louder now. I realize he is moaning and hear some choked back sobs. So I waver. Normally, my Superboy doesn't have much reaction to pain, he had a very high tolerance for it. I was sure that he was putting on a show to reinforce his Dad's tale. But maybe, just maybe he really was in a lot of pain.
So then I was trying not to cry, my Mom caught my eye, so I quickly reassured her that Superboy broke his arm and not that something bad has happened to my older son in Mexico.
My husband reassured me, he was taking Superboy to the hospital, they will take good care of him. And they did. His arm was visibly broken. They got him in right away, did x-rays, set his arm, casted and x-rayed again. He was on his way home again within 2 hours. I was so sad to not be there holding his hand. Especially when they drugged him and set his arm. My husband insisted on explaining to me how the nurses held his shoulder and the doctor hung off the bed on the end of Superboy's arm.
To be honest, I am glad that I wasn't there for that. It is so awful that they give the kids an amnesia drug so they don't remember the pain that was so intense it woke my boy from his sedation. I hated hearing about the drugs' effects on my boy too. He was confused and my heart hurt for him.
So, when I went to GP, I was supposed to be there for a week or two and work was supposed to be done on my kitchen. I had cut my time away to one week, because it was evident, because of my husband's job, that the kitchen was not getting demo-ed. After the broken arm, I felt that I should be home with my hurt boy, but my husband and I decided that he would take the next day off and I would stay and rest in GP for a day before driving again. The kids and I were all sick of being on the highway!
Thursday came and we were back home, after almost 18 hours of driving in 5 days, the littles bugging their big brother and happy to be home. And though I love being with my family, I was glad to be home too, much easier to take care of 2 toddlers when you are in your own space. Especially now that they are all sick. And so am I. But it is okay, we are all home and safe. Together.

Ready to Launch

2011-08-19T11:01:00.000-06:00

August 14, 2011
I know you can't tell by looking at me (wishful thinking...), but I have 2 teenaged sons. My eldest, affectionately blog-named, The Boy), is almost 17 and he is about to leave the nest. Well only for 2 weeks, but it feels like he will be gone forever! The Boy is on his way to Mexico with a group from our church to do a short-term mission. I couldn't be more proud of him, he has a servant's heart and missions is a perfect extension of that.
They will be in the far South of the Baja peninsula at a mission that houses an orphanage and has a macadamia nut orchard. They will be working with the kids, doing manual labour, clearing brush in the orchards and working in the migrant camps with both kids and adults. Real hands on, life-changing stuff. I can't wait for him to get home and tell me all about it!
After being up until after 11, doing last minute packing, we were up by 3:30 am to take him to the airport. I had a hard time not sobbing the whole way. I took him in, he joined his group and got checked in. He gave me a few hugs and I tried to choke back my tears. I was the only mom hanging around, so I soon made my exit, even though everything in me screamed that I should keep him in my sight as long as humanly possible.
I knew he was feeling my mixed emotions, he is empathetic to the extreme. When we asked him how he was feeling on the way to the airport, he said he was worried about how his little brothers and sisters would handle him being gone. We reassured him, and that is part of why I wanted to get out of there. He was excited and I didn't want to taint that.
When I got back out to the car, I told my husband that it was just like his first day of kindergarten. He ran off excitedly, ready for the new adventure, while I stood back, watching him in awe and balling. And I think that is how it is supposed to be. We raise them so that we can launch them off into the world. We are left behind, but hopefully ready to begin our next adventure too.

Sleep. Again.

2011-08-13T09:19:00.000-06:00

So last night, on the Twitter, I realized that we Moms talk about sleep a lot. (There is an awesome thread on there devoted to sleep-deprived moms, called #zombiemoms.) Once you become a Mom, your sleep changes forever. I have a child or two that sleep like the dead. Heavy, heavy sleepers, don't wake up for anything. I used to sleep like that, when I could get to sleep that is. But not for the past 17 years.

Now I wake at every change in breathing. I can hear their wee snores from my room, and can tell when one of them has awoken in the night, just by the absence of their heavy, sleepy breathing. I have missed more sleep than I can even begin to count, between baby feedings and middle-of-the-night sickies and night terrors... My sleep debt can not be made up. The last 3 years, I have slept through the night maybe 2 weeks worth of nights.

I am not exaggerating. Baby Zed, who is now almost 3, has not been much of a sleeper and comes into my bed most nights. Usually, especially since Baby Sunshine's birth, one of us moves him back to his own bed, but sometimes we are just too tired to bother. The biggest problem with that is I can't sleep with him in my bed. He breathes too loud. He lays on my head. He wiggles. He thrashes and sleep talks. sigh.

I really don't understand what happened with him. His older 4 siblings all slept like a dream. Through the night by a few months, most of them for 12 hours stretches. Of course there were blips. The non-nappers. The 'I am 5 months old and I am going to start waking at night again just to torture Mom' times. The teething for weeks blips. But overall, they were all amazing sleepers. I will admit to being a bit judgemental of parents who's kids wouldn't go to bed or stay in bed. "Just put them to bed!" I would think to myself. "Why on earth would you lay down with them when they don't want to sleep, this sleep thing just requires a bit of discipline!" "It ain't gonna kill the kid to cry for 5 minutes..." (which is all I could ever handle!)
Then I had Baby Zed. He did not sleep independently. He did not self-soothe. He did not stay in his bed for more than 6 hours. "What on earth was I doing wrong??? What did I forget???" and then, "Why am I being punished???" Well, we know why, don't we? It was my self-righteous scoffing at all those other sleepless parents!
Whatever the reason, Zed has not been a sleeper. We have tried everything. We finally did establish a bed time routine that has helped get him to stay in bed in under an hour, without us laying down with him. At least most nights. But in reality, he is still a crappy sleeper and does not nap. And when he does nap, he wakes up grumpy and often screaming inconsolably for an hour. (I think it is low blood sugar, but not sure)

Then Baby Sunshine was added to this mix. His sleep looked promising, he was going 6 hours at a time almost right away. Then 8! Unfortunately, never more than 10. But I will take 10. The only problem with Baby Sunshine's sleep is that he has been in our room for the last 9+ months. Where I can hear every sound. Where I stir at every breath. Don't get me wrong, I love co-sleeping with my newborns. It is the perfect solution when your new little bundle wakes every 2 hours to feed. But once they go 4-6 hours, and especially when they start wiggling and rolling, I much prefer them in their own bed. And it is much easier for them and you to sleep through the night when they are not in your room. Every time baby stirs, I hear him and wake up. If he whimpers a bit, I find it much easier to get him and take him to bed and nurse him, than to lie awake wondering if he is going to go back to sleep or scream. So I did. And therefore, we were both night waking again.

Last weekend, we finally put him in with Girly and it has been awesome. Sunshine has slept every night, he is even napping better. I have yet to sleep through the night, but I am working on it. Maybe we will even get Zed to sleep. Now that would be awesome!

Sunshine Speaks!

2011-08-11T17:03:00.001-06:00

I keep noticing that Baby Sunshine seems to copy words that I say, in his wee baby voice. The names of his brothers and sister. His name, when he was chatting with Daddy on the phone one night. Various other things that sound suspiciously like words. But at nine months, I was sure that I was just putting words in his mouth.

But just now, The Boy and I were sitting here and big brother said, " I love you," to baby brother. And Baby Sunshine said it right back. The Boy and I just stared at each other in disbelief. Woah. He speaks.

Sleep is the new coffee!

2011-08-11T09:05:00.000-06:00

So we spent the weekend covered in paint and got Girly's room almost finished. Brent put all the trim up and we got a few coats of white up, we just need to fix the colour transition corners and put up all the art I have so far. Brent had built some shelves and a window seat to go along the front wall in there, but the room is just not big enough for the built-ins and two kids' beds.
When we were finished, Brent built the crib for baby Sunshine and he has now spent 3 nights in there. 3 WHOLE nights! I can't remember the last time he slept through the night, 3 nights in a row. It is heaven. I love having my room back! In fact, he is having a nap in there right now. He rarely has a morning nap! Of course, he usually just goes right back to sleep after his morning nurse, and sleeps until 9. Today, he got up and had breakfast with the other 3 littles, and now he is napping. I like this way better!
Like the stellar parent I am, I am upstairs while the littles are all in the family room watching TV and the teens are still in bed. I don't feel like rocking the boat quite yet. So I will hide out with my laptop and a cup of tea, and blog or scrapbook, until I hear Zed getting into something or the baby wakes up. Then I will make everyone get dressed and go outside.
I don't know if that is really the best thing, but I am feeling the need for a wee break and a bit of time to myself.
...
and I spoke too soon. Here comes Zed...

oh well, I had 5 whole minutes to myself, now I get to cuddle with my cutie. Hope you have a great one!

Perspective. I need to get me some o'dat.

2011-07-30T18:18:00.000-06:00

So Brent has been working out of town since July 4. I just realized that he has been away all month. All summer. No wonder I feel a little loopy. He did come home last weekend and we spent the entire weekend ordering a kitchen. Literally 11 hours spent at Ikea. Worth it, but not exactly every one's idea of quality time with Dad.

You would think that after having him here for a few days, this week would have been easier. But really, it just sucked. I sucked. I was not a fun parent. I did not enjoy my kids. I love them, but I really did not want to hang out with them this week. The constant noise and bickering grated on my nerves. Some of them spent an inordinate amount of time shrieking. Some picking on others. Some telling me no and to go away they hated me. I didn't even enjoy my baby all the time. I felt exhausted by having to carry him around all day and dig things out of his mouth every five seconds because we can't seem to keep the floors clean and safe around here for even 5 minutes.

I haven't even slept alone. Both Zed and Sunshine have been in my bed every night that Brent has been gone. Girly has made numerous appearances at the end of my bed too, I awake with her asleep on my feet like a cat!

Anyway, the other night, after 2 hours of struggling, I had finally got all four littles asleep. The baby had drifted off in my arms and I gently laid him in his bed. All I had been able to think of for hours was escaping for a few minutes to be alone and maybe drink a coffee or get some groceries or something.

As I laid him down, Sunshine immediately started screaming. I tried to comfort him, but I was pretty sure it was pointless. He has been doing that lately, barely napping or sleeping without me next to him. He had been doing so well, I could lay him down awake and he would go to sleep on his own... Anyway, I couldn't deal with starting all over again. I left him in his bed and went downstairs for a couple minutes to cry and regroup. I called my husband and whined and listened to my baby scream.

After about 5 minutes I couldn't take it anymore and I went up to check on babe. He was so upset. I picked him up and he puked all over both of us. I felt like the worst parent ever. I just balled as I cleaned us both up. I took him to my bed to comfort him and nurse him. I looked over at his bed and realized he had puked all over it. Poor thing! I was sure that he was puking because he was so upset and that made me a monster.

I was a wee bit relieved the next day when he was still puking and had watery stools. I knew that he wasn't sick from crying then. But my heart hurt that he was sick.

I love my family, I adore staying home with my kids and spending time with them. But a girl needs some support and some mental health time. I am trying to let go of the guilt, change my attitude of wanting escape and give myself some breaks. I want to be the best mom I can. I want to enjoy my kids and our time together. I don't want to be grumpy and short with them, I don't want to resent them and their presence. But sometimes, I feel all of those negative things and little of the positive. That is the truth.

And then life gets back to normal and one of them wraps their sticky little arms around my neck, or my teenager speaks to me in a silly accent about breakfast sausage and all is right in my little universe. I am thankful for my life and I love my kids. That is also truth.

But I am human. And once in a while I lose it, or wish I was on a beach with a fruity drink and a book and no kids. I was going to say, "No one calling me Mom." but what sweeter sound is there in the world than a wee voice saying, "Mom," and they are talking to you? I can't think of any...
Perspective. It is a good thing.

What Was I Thinking?!

2011-07-20T08:41:00.001-06:00

I think about this place everyday. I want to write, I have so many things rushing around in my head, just itching to get out. So many memories that get lost in the jumble of my thoughts because I haven't taken the time to put them to paper. (or screen as the case may be) The last 2+ years have been a blur, a crazy, fun, messy, sleepless blur. Having kids in your mid-thirties on top of the ones you had in your early twenties....
and your early thirties... is insane!
My body is definitely showing its age. Going without sleep results in grumpy, headachey mommy with tight skin and wrinkles and dark circles. At 20-something, the sleeplessness was a minor blip!
I love my nutty life! My kids are amazing, if a bit loud and not a few of them remind me of Pig Pen. I am daily amazed at what goes on in their wee brains and comes out of their not-so-wee mouths. Their deliciously tight hugs and sticky kisses, warm the cockles of my heart and plaster over the cracks left in my sanity by the constant whirlwinds of activity, noise and dirt.
There was a time when I wondered what the heck I was thinking, having kids (to be honest, I wonder this daily), staying at home with them, home educating... I questioned whether or not what I was doing had value in this world, I thought others would look down on me for not having a big career or finishing my education. Heck, I looked down upon my self, my vocation at times. I thought it somehow made me less than.
But I am so much smarter now. As I get older, I understand, more and more, the idea that our lives have seasons. This is my season for raising and launching my children. For giving them the best start that I can, for embracing the opportunity I have been given to stay at home with them and pour as much love and care into them as I possibly can. For preparing them to lauch successully into their own lives.
Of course I am sometimes anxious and excited to learn what the next season will hold, but for now, I want to soak up as many cuddles and snuggles, baby rolls and wet kisses, dirt and noise that I can.

Sunshine

2011-05-16T11:09:00.001-06:00

Oh my goodness! Spring has really and truly sprung! The sun has been shining and it was warm enough this week for the kids to want to run through the sprinkler. I even dug out my shorts... and revealed my pasty, Canadian legs to the world. (or at least the other soccer parents)
Our schedule has filled up again and our evenings feel a bit rushed, but we love watching the kids running about after the soccer ball. Brent is coaching Girly's U6 team on Monday nights, and Super Boy's Bantam football team on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays. Girly plays on M/W and Dr. J plays soccer on T/T, so there is a lot of running around to do, but lots of fresh air and laughs too. The weather has been warm and windy, the wind helping to ward of the killer swarms of mosquitoes that have been a plague this spring, and I feel as if spring has blossomed in me as well.
Winter in the Canadian North is interminably long. I do pretty well until February and then I feel as if I am coming a bit unravelled. I slow down, I want to spend long afternoons curled in my bed with a book. I don't really want to bundle up my 6 children to take them out. I begin to resent mittens and gloves that never seem to be where they are supposed to be. I am sure there are mitten brownies that visit in the night and hide the darn things, permanently.

By April, I need the sun and the warmth and the ability to go outside without 30 extra pounds of clothing per child. I get a bit depressed and it takes until we start having 20 plus days and the flowers on the trees are blooming before I really start to feel like myself again. And now we are having a lovely May and my heart is warm and fuzzy again!

Mother's Day

2011-05-09T12:53:00.002-06:00

Hope your Mother's Day was lovely. I had a pretty blessed day. I woke up with only one wee babe in my bed and listened to the hurried preparations downstairs. Cards were being crafted, pancakes flipped, milk was being steamed. While my 13 year old slept, the Boy (16) was busy cooking my breakfast while my husband coordinated and made my yummy latte. I am so thankful that my husband was home this year, and that he took it upon himself to make my day special. I love Mother's day morning, there is nothing like that joyful expectation as I await the appearance of all those smiling faces and giddy gift giving.

But not all Mother's Days are joyful, and if yours was not, please know that I empathize with you and I am so sorry. Some years, we are sad because our own Mothers are sick or have passed away. Some of us do not have mothers worthy of celebration. (I am so thankful that I do, my Mother is amazing!) And sometimes, we are aching to be mothers, but our arms are empty.

I will never forget the first Mother's Day after we had our sweet, stillborn baby, Kalila. She was born on April 26, so only a few weeks before Mother's day. As Mother's day approached, I only wanted one thing - my Mother. So I went home to my Mom and was able to just let all my pain hang out with her. She was my rock, she just wept with me. It was a bit hard to be around my sisters who were also pregnant, but mostly because I really didn't want them to feel badly. I wanted their happiness with all my heart, but I wanted mine back too.

That was the hardest Mother's day I have ever had, even though I had two amazing living children, I so wanted my missing daughter, to hold her in my arms. The only way I survived that time was to picture myself in God's arms, big enough for all my sorrow, pain and anger, and to picture Him rocking me as I rocked my baby girl. He was my Mother and my Father through all that time and is still today.

I hope you had an amazing Mother's day, filled with the people you love. Know that you are not alone.

Mess.

2011-04-05T12:32:00.003-06:00

Goodness, I feel like crying. I guess Zed decided to poop on the potty by himself. He then went to play in his room. He kept sitting on the carpet in different places and getting poop everywhere. He then realized his mistake and got some toilet paper and tried to wipe himself and the floor and toys. There is poop everywhere and the headache I have been fighting for 3 days is starting to win.
Growing kids is a job full of growing pains. Their need for independence and their skill levels are in constant opposition. This creates mess, both physical and emotional, and some days I do not feel equal to the task of managing and facilitating, never mind the clean up.

Hello. Goodbye.

2011-01-13T15:13:00.000-07:00

Last night was not only the last day of the year, but it was my Monkey's seventh birthday. We had planned to spend the evening at a friend's New Year's bash, but decided to stay home as a family. We had a lovely day of cake with relatives and friends, supper with Gramps and board games together in the evening. All but Zed stayed up for the countdown. As midnight arrived and everyone was cheering and kissing, my Monkey wept. Granted, it was late and he is only just seven, but I recognized and sympathized with his melancholy. He was disappointed that his birthday was over, that the year was over. The extra-special day that he had been waiting all year for, was not quite as spectacular as he had built it up to be. His lovely year of six, was done.
Today, he was back to himself. The mourning of the previous night, seemingly forgotten. But I get it. I felt it too. Firstly, I was a bit sad to see 6 leave and 7 begin. He is no longer my little guy, but a big boy and that pinches just a bit. Also, I always feel that sense of disappointment at the end of my birthday. I always want something to make it an extra special day, but as a grown up, my birthday seems to have lost something. More that any of these though, I am sad to say good bye to 2010.
This year was very full. Joy and loss, expectancy and fulfillment, extreme fatigue and rest, need and great blessing. I can see God's hand in it all, and I am so thankful for it all. The whole journey, especially where we find ourselves now. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us in 2011. I know that there will be hard times and sorrow, but there is much to be gained there. So I look forward to the joys and the opportunities to grow with equal optimism. And I look forward to the seemingly impossible, a full night's sleep, that I know 2011 will bring.

Introducing...

2010-11-04T12:27:00.000-06:00

the newest member of the Mighty family!
Mighty baby #7 (no blog name yet...)!
born October 13, 2010 at 4:07pm after a very short labour and delivery.
He was 8 lb 5 oz and almost 22 inches long, with beautiful dark hair and blond eyebrows/lashes.

Anybody have some jumper cables?!

2010-10-05T18:16:00.000-06:00

Well, my due date is tomorrow! 9 months of anticipation and anxiety come and gone, and now? We wait...

This is pregnancy number 7 and I was induced for all of the previous 6. Four of those were post-dates, one was my stillborn baby, and with the Monkey I was induced early as a precautionary measure due to low fluid and slow growth. I have fully expected to go post-dates with this one as well. That would explain why, until 2 days ago, I have done nothing to prepare for baby's imminent arrival.

Even at that, I bought the wrong size diapers and last night discovered that I truly have no clothing for this little one. I gave it all away after Zed was born. Remember? He was going to be my last? I have exactly 2 sleepers, one nightie and 2 undershirts! That might get me through the drive home from the hospital. Guess I get to do some shopping, or beg some stuff off of some sweet mom with a 6 month old.

So, the last few weeks, I have been having bouts of feeling awful. Nausea, diarrhea, cold sweats and shaking. Add to that, intense braxton hicks and warmth radiating from my belly outward. It has felt just like the beginning of labour, at least from my experiences with labour. These bouts have lasted anywhere from 20 minutes to almost a whole day, coming and going at random and keeping me up at night.

And then? Nothing happens! They leave as quickly as they came and I feel fine again. I feel like my uterus' starter keeps trying and trying, but it just won't turn over. 'raarrr, raarrr, raarrr.... sputter... nothing. '

So where will you find the Mighty Mama? Right here waiting... at least until next week when they give me a wee boost.

xo
Kristen

Sleep? What's That?

2010-10-03T18:11:00.000-06:00

So one Sunday afternoon, we laid Zed in his crib for his nap. We then walked across the hall to our room and sat on our bed to chat. 2 minutes later we heard a squeak as Zed's bedroom door opened a crack and as we looked up we saw an adorable face grinning at us around the edge of the door.

What????

That little goof had climbed out of his crib! His very high crib, like up to my chest height high. Hmm... we thought that maybe it was a fluke and he wouldn't be able to do it again. Okay, okay, that was just wishful thinking. We did try to lay him down a few more times, but he just kept getting up.

I just wanted to cry. I really need him to nap. Naptime is the only real time I can be at rest because I know he isn't getting into anything. Naptime is when I concentrate on bookwork with the kids. Naptime is when I can get my housework done or fold laundry without him climbing in it and unfolding it. Naptime is when I can have a nap! I am going to have a baby in the next 2 weeks and I really need Zed to nap!

One of his older brothers started to climb out of his crib before he was 2, and that was the end of his naps. It was also the beginning of a couple months of training him to stay in his bed at night. I so don't want that with Zed.

The first week was a very sleepless one. He had not napped except 1 day that he cried himself to sleep in my arms, in my bed and a couple times he fell asleep in the car. It is actually kind of funny because he is so tired that he comes to me crying, "Nap! Nap!" and we go put him in his bed, but within seconds he is up and peeking out the door. At night he started getting up in the night and wandering into our room. Then his 5 and 6 year old siblings started night waking too, so we have had at least one or two of them waking us at various hours for a few weeks. A very long few weeks.

Now we kind of have a system for getting Zed to sleep. At bed time, Daddy lays on the floor between Zed and Monkey's beds until Zed falls asleep. It is only taking 5 to 15 minutes, down from 2 hours the first night. Unless Daddy falls asleep! Naps are still not happening, unless we take him for a drive, which happens at least 4 or 5 times a week. He so needs that sleep that it is worth the time and gas, I think.

I think all of the children are a bit off because of baby coming, maybe they are sensing some anxiety on my part. Last night was the first night that all of them slept through to almost 7 and most nights Girly has been in my room 5 or 6 times. I have been pretty much useless for the last few weeks because I really need some sleep. I am praying that they will all settle a bit and the only thing waking me up will be my bladder for the next few days until baby gets here!

Today, Baby Zed had gone into the house while the rest of us were still outside gathering all the kids to come in for dinner. When Daddy and I came in the backdoor, he was furiously trying to mop the floor with the broom. Turns out that he had found a marker and had written all over the kitchen floor and he was trying to clean it up before we came in. Monkey!

Football

2010-09-22T09:09:00.002-06:00

Since our eldest boy was conceived, 16.5 years ago, my husband has been dreaming of the day when he could watch his child play football. The love of the game is rooted deep within their DNA, and by the time they are of school age they can talk the game with the best of them.

But our eldest child is not the football playing kind. He could strategize with the winningest coach, read books about the game, watch with his dad, but running full force into other human beings is really not his thing.

Thankfully for their father, that is exactly Superboy's thing.

Superboy is playing his first year of club football, he is thirteen. His Dad informs me that they can play at 7! I think he is trying to talk me into letting my teeny Monkey boy play next year. I don't think so!

Superboy and football go together like peanut butter and jelly and he is totally blossoming in that environment. It is something just for him, away from the rest of our huge family and The Boy's shadow. He is part of a team, they need him and he needs them. My very social child thrives on that stuff.

As a first-timer, he started the year as a second-string running back, and he was perfectly happy there. For Mom and Dad watching, the first game or two were frustrating because he didn't get to play much in the first half, but it always seemed that he would get a fair amount of play in the second. And every time he took the field, he did amazingly well. He has played consistently, being where he needed to be, blocking and running as needed. Taking a ton of hits and ending up in the bottom of not a few dog-piles, while his momma bit her lip and prayed.

Injuries began to stack up and our boy was called on more and more. And he stepped up to the plate. We were so proud watching him run for first downs and taking hits to protect his quarterback. He wasn't the fastest or the biggest kid on the team, but he got the job done.

So last week, we travelled to a neighbouring town to watch our boy play. We get settled in and look for his jersey number on the field. And nothing. The whole first quarter went by without our son taking the field once. Now this mama bear is getting riled up. Do they not see what value my son brings to the team?! He gains yardage every time they pass him the ball! How can they afford not to put him on the field?! (our team had been blown out every game so far! Our offense had a hard time getting anything going throwing-wise and the defenders were always in our back field!)

Anyhoo, I was soon placated as my son joined his team for the rest of the game, and played really well. He had numerous first downs and his team managed a few touchdowns in an otherwise horrific game. After the game, his coach had nothing but praise for our boy. He told us what a team player Superboy is, how he gave up his shoulderpads at the beginning of the game for the quarterback who had forgot his at home. That is why our boy was not playing, he was waiting for the other boy's mom to return with his pads. The coach also spoke about Superboy's consistent play and how they know they can rely on him.

This was further confirmed after his first practice last week. The coach announced that Superboy was moving to starting running back, the running back was moving to full and the full back was moving to another position. My boy was grinning ear to ear and brimming with joy and confidence. My mama heart was full. Not only had my boy proven to be a great contributor to the team, his coaches had recognized and rewarded him for that effort. Something that does not always happen. Especially if you are not the most gifted athlete on the team. But they see in my son a little of what I see, the spirit and passion, the hard work and effort, the encouragement and team spirit.

I couldn't be more proud or more pleased.

PS
And! Superboy's team got their very first win this past Saturday! They beat the other team 28-6 and that was Superboy's first game as a starter. So exciting!

Breakdown

2010-09-18T09:12:00.005-06:00

I think the lack of sleep and 8.5 months pregnant thing is starting to get to me. Last night I had 2 complete breakdowns. At one point I was laying on my bed sobbing for everyone to just stop touching me. My whole body was sore and achy and my 3 littles wouldn't stop climbing all over me, leaning on my belly and jiggling the bed. Then my husband came home and laid himself down and then started wrestling with them. That was the breaking point. "Please, just get them off of me... He is hurting my tummy, please get him off of me... Please stop moving... All of you....hiccup... sob..."

Can I just say, he wasn't all that helpful.

Brent is working his last week at the refinery as a foreman on a shutdown. He is getting up at 4 to work a 13 hour shift and then drive an hour back home at night. He is exhausted when he comes home. He picks up Superboy from football on his way home, then helps me put the kids to bed and collapses on the bed.

After a week of really not connecting, last night he engaged me in conversation. He was asking me about some friends who are going through difficult times and so I shared a bit with him. He then proceeds to play devil's advocate for 45 minutes. This put his already over-emotional and over-tired wife on the defensive. So instead of having some connecting time, me sharing some of my burden with him and us praying together, we were kind of arguing.

So, breakdown number two. "Why do you always have to do that?! Why turn every conversation into a fight?! I am worried and upset and instead of caring about me and our friends, you are being an ASS!"
I am not even sure how I got so many awful, inflammatory words out of my mouth in between the earth shattering sobs wracking my body, but there you are.

I almost cried myself to sleep, but instead I roused myself to be mad that he wasn't comforting me in my sobbing. Poor guy. Couldn't win for losing.

Finally I got up to blow my nose, crawled into bed, buried my head in his chest and we both went to sleep. Thank goodness. I am sure if he had been more awake, he would have been thankful too.

This morning, I am feeling almost as fragile as I did last night, so I am going to be watching myself carefully. I have a big to do list, but that may become more 'nap and have a cup of tea' than 'clean my entire house and teach a full day of school.'

The Mouth's of Babes

2010-09-17T09:04:00.002-06:00

As I was going into hour 3 of cleaning dried on diarrhea from Zed's crib yesterday, (I guess he pulled of his diaper during naptime, while I was out for coffee with a girlfriend, and it took my eldest a while to hear him and rescue him. Zed had lots of time to make a mess.) my 5 year old Girly piped up, "Mom, I think you need to get a new husband. One who will listen to you. So then he can do some of your work, like clean up this poop! You do all the cleaning, and sweeping, and bathrooms around here. If you had a new husband, he could do some of that stuff."

I just about peed my pants! I chatted with her a while, trying to figure out where that was coming from. And defending my current husband, who does do some of those things (and a lot more!) when he is home.

Unfortunately, I think maybe she was taking some of my complaining to heart. I remember saying last week, that I was the only one in this house who ever sweeps. And complaining to my husband because he had promised to help me with some things and then he wasn't getting around to it. I guess I need to watch my words a little more carefully! And maybe cut the drama just a little.

My Girly really empathizes with me and embraces our sisterhood in this house of boys. I guess she was feeling sorry for me, though I do find it hilarious that she thinks my husband should listen to me...

I think I will keep the husband I have, but I wouldn't mind a maid!

First Love

2010-09-16T09:34:00.002-06:00

Baby Zed has become quite the lover boy. Every time Daddy tries to kiss Mommy, Zed pushes Daddy away with a loud, "No, MY Mama!" Then Zed grabs my face with both hands and plants a big kiss on my lips. As long as Daddy is hanging around, he keeps kissing me, usually with a sloppy grin on his face. This makes both Daddy and Mommy giggle, and Daddy keeps teasing and trying to kiss Mommy. The other night, Zed was kissing me so enthusiastically that he knocked me right over on the bed, and then we were all laughing.
I don't know how long this little game will last, but it sure melts my mommy heart and I will take all the kisses and cuddles I can get from my sweet boy. But there is a downside (other than a slobbery face) to all this kissing.
Last weekend at Superboy's football game, we were playing in the playground with the coach's wife and their 2 year old twins. The 3 two year olds were having a blast together, running and sliding and chattering. At one point, their little girl was sitting at the bottom of the slide when Zed decided to go down. I called for him to stop, but by the time I ran (read: waddled) the 2 steps, he had slid into her. She was fine, but I quickly explained to Zed that he should wait and asked him to apologize. "Sowwy," she said. "Oh, no sweetheart, not you. Zed, please tell the girl that you are sorry."
So he bent down a little, patted her head, made sympathetic sounds and then proceeded to put both hands on her face and go in for the big smooch! Then he kissed her again!
The mom and I killed ourselves laughing, I apologized and she started teasing her daughter about having a boyfriend. It really was adorable, we had a laugh and the kids went back to playing.

At least I don't have to worry about that kind of boy-girl interaction between 2 year olds. I am a bit more concerned about my fifteen year old. sigh.

Baby Zed is 2!

2010-09-09T09:54:00.006-06:00

"2! 2!" He has been chanting for weeks. Our baby boy is a big boy now and he makes sure we all know it. Ever since Superboy's 13th birthday on Friday, Zed has been running around yelling, "No! Ma birf!" and now it finally is.

yummy whales!

He is such a sweetheart and he melts my heart each and every day with his sweet, shrugging smile and his crazy antics. 8 months ago, I thought I might lose my mind. He still wasn't sleeping through the night, and every waking moment was filled with mischief and destruction. Then we found out that we were expecting another baby. I literally thought that I would be pushed over the edge. But by 18 months, he was sleeping through most nights. And he was communicating with greater ease, making him a happier baby. He could also figure out how to get into all the things he couldn't reach before and that was joy unspeakable for Zed.
Last night as we were waiting for Daddy to come and finish the bedtime routine, Zed had Girly's maracas and was rockin' out. He was shaking them with all his might, scream singing (like some of his teen brothers' music) and then playing some air guitar before pausing for applause and smiles. I couldn't help but squeeze him in delight! Half an hour later, my ears were ringing and my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing.
He is so very smart. I have, of course, thought this of all my children. And they all are! But this baby Zed is determined too. If he wants something, he will stop at nothing to get it. A number of months ago, when we started putting valuables like the video camera, on top of the fridge for safe-keeping he immediately figured out how to use the broom to knock them down. He will climb anything in his pursuit of mischief. He plays in the sink and the toilet. He will get the jar of peanut butter (buuu-er) open and double-fist it into his grinning maw. Child-proof containers do not even slow him down, nor do cupboard door latches. He has been able to open doors for at least 6 months....
Sorry, got interupted there... Zed took off his poopy diaper and sat on my bed and then he peed. ugh. The laundry and messes are endless. But the bedtime kisses and wuv woo's, and snuggles more than make up for the craziness.
At 2, Zed loves peanut butter, meat, mashed potatoes, fruit, corn on the cob, music (louder the better), robots and puppies. He also loves everything his older siblings like. He thoroughly enjoys drawing with markers (all over himself), climbing, sitting in the sink with the water running, and TV (especially Phineas and Ferb and anything with music). When he is feeling shy or sheepish, he will shrug one shoulder while turning on one foot. If you ask him a silly question, he will scrunch up his nose and lower his chin, say,"No-oo," and give you the goofiest grin. He loves to tickle and beat up his Dad and big brothers, wrestle with Monkey, and cuddle dolls. He is sunny and sweet, loud and quick, fun and independent. We have so much fun with our friendly sweetheart.

Baby Zed and Grandma!

Love you Baby Zed! You are not a baby any more, you are such a big kid, but you are still my baby. Happy Birthday!

Broken

2010-09-08T10:39:00.000-06:00

Profoundly sad this morning. There is a young woman in our church who thinks herself 'in love' with my eldest boy. And really, who wouldn't be?! There has been some normal teenage angst happening there for a bit, but that seems supremely unimportant right now. This young girl and her four sisters lost their mom to cancer yesterday. My heart is broken for them. I can not begin to imagine what their family has been through and will go through. I can't imagine being without my mother and I am a grown woman with 6 kids of my own. How much more devastating for a teenage girl.
My husband lost his Dad, his stepfather to cancer this summer, after a short and absolutely devastating struggle. It was horrific watching him waste away and watching dh's mother suffer with him. This family has been through a similar, but prolonged experience in which they had great hope of their mother being well again. May God wrap his big arms around them and keep them close and comfort them.
If you are a praying person, please keep these five young girls in your prayers.

For Girly's New Room

2010-08-30T17:51:00.003-06:00

Mighty Baby Zed

2010-08-26T10:13:00.000-06:00

What a morning! As usual, I awoke (the 6th time) to my lovely Baby Zed screaming from his crib. I dragged my sorry butt from my bed and went across the hall to get him. He was holding his hand up to show me something! Poop. Poop all over my beautiful baby and his crib. Off to the showers and then the bleach.
Pretty typical stuff around here, especially with this almost 2 year old monkey. He spends his entire day looking for the next mess to make! Breakfast is not even over yet and I have cleaned up a path of chocolate milk from the table, through the kitchen and all the way up the stairs, as well as a path of egg shells from a hard boiled egg he helped himself to. He can not be left unattended for even a moment.
He sure has his redeeming moments though. He is just starting to string 2 words together and really gain confidence in his speech. Two nights ago, as Daddy was taking him to his bed and they were going through the usual blowing kisses and waving and 'night, night' routine, Daddy told Zed to tell Mommy, 'Love you!"
So baby Zed tried whispering, "Love you," in the teensiest voice. His 'trying it out' voice. Well last night, he said, "Love you," to me, right out loud. Again and again. My mommy heart turned instantly to mush. sigh.
It doesn't matter how many children I have, all these little firsts never lose their novelty. I treasure each moment and hold them all in my heart. I absolutely love watching my children discover their world, trying new things, succeeding or failing and trying again.
I derive endless amusement watching him play make-believe. He makes me tea and serves it, "Mom, Tea," he stirs a pot and then carefully uses tongs to pick something up and place it on a tray. For hours. The concentration on his teensy face amazes me.
Baby Zed is no longer an appropriate monicker for my boy. He will turn 2 in two weeks time! He is no longer a baby. And, in fact, he is no longer our last baby. In January, a few days before my husband's scheduled vasectomy, we found out that we are expecting Mighty baby #7! Now when we made that appointment, I prayed hard. I told God that I was hesitant to end our baby making days even though I could not imagine having any more, but I knew that He could do anything and if He was not done blessing us with children, that I knew that no vasectomy would get in His way.
Apparently God's plans are not our plans, and thankfully so. It took me a while to accept that I could possibly raise another child, but I could hear God whispering in my ear, "Not your strength, but mine, you are not alone." I knew that all I had to do was surrender to the blessings He wants to pour out on our life, and lean on Him each day. Sounds simple, hey?
So we are excitedly awaiting the birth of our next child in October! I can't wait to meet him (or her), discover his quirks and abilities, snuggle and nurse him and introduce him to his incredible brothers and sisters. God has blessed us abundantly, beyond our greatest imaginings. I can't wait to discover what is around the next corner.

16 years!

2010-08-20T09:53:00.008-06:00

What can I say, we ain't the teenage newlyweds we once were. But it is so very much better at 35 than it ever was at 20.

Sun comes in the morning...

2010-07-22T10:23:00.000-06:00

The summer days are passing quickly, I have been thoroughly enjoying my morning tea on the deck in the sunshine each morning. Well each morning that it hasn't rained, and those have been regrettably few. Today we are in the throws of vacation preparedness. Laundry, lists, cleaning, packing... we are off to the Shuswap with our wonderful, old friends. We have the best times together, all the kids get along and we never run out of things to talk about. It has been two years since we have been together, and we can't wait!

My husband will arrive home tonight to help with the prep. He has been working up North for the last week or so, and we can't wait for him to be home again. His work life is different from most people's. He doesn't work a steady job, but a steady series of jobs set up by his union. We really don't know from day to day if he will have a job to go to the next day. And when the job he is on ends, we usually don't know when he will work again.
This kind of uncertainty can be stressful and worrisome at times, but it is our life. We are quite used to it. It means we live by faith, daily. Faith that more work will come. Faith that we will find a way to pay the bills and provide for our ever-growing family. Faith that, no matter what the work situation, God will provide.
The last few years have been pretty comfy. My husband has had a fairly steady position at a local refinery, doing maintenance welding/repair and the weekly paychecks have been reassuringly steady. Then, this past February, the company he has been working for, made him a foreman on a huge refinery shutdown. He worked more hours in the first 6 months of this year than the entire year previous. We never saw him. He left long before dawn and arrived home around 9pm each night.
The money was fantastic though and allowed us to catch up on a lot of debt left behind by his welding contracting business. What a blessing to have that taken from our shoulders. Now that summer has come and shutdown season is finished, my husband is tired and thankful for the slower pace of work and life. So are we. But with spring came the announcement that his maintenance position was gone and he would have to go back to the realm of unsteady work. As our holiday approached, we were a bit stressed about the lack of income coming in, but as He always has in the past, God provided this short term job and therefore provided for all of our expenses.
Even better than that, my husband received a call that the company he is working for, wants to send him on a bunch of leadership and safety training for the week we get back. That is something that doesn't happen often, the knowing in advance that he has work and therefore income coming in when we get home. I just had to praise God that He gave us the gift of peace of mind. Now we can truly relax on our vacation!
In related news, my husband has recently applied for a new position that would not only provide steady work and income, but it would allow for him to have all his evenings and weekends at home, great time off and to not be exposed to all the dangerous chemicals etc. that he encounters daily now. We are just waiting for God's answer in this, I know that whether or not he gets this position, that God is looking out for us and will provide for us in amazing ways. He always has.

Well I...

2010-03-10T11:59:00.001-07:00

Had a good cry this morning after I said goodbye to my Dad. He has been staying with us twice a month for 5 years now, as he travels to and from work in the Northwest Territories. This morning was the last time. I am, of course, thankful that he found work close to home and won't have to be away from his sweetheart for 2+ weeks at a time anymore. And his job in the north was coming to an end in the near future anyway. But how can I help but mourn his being an everyday part of my and my children's lives.
For the five years previous, we had lived 1200km away from my dad and we saw him very little. Maybe a couple times a year. My kids didn't really know him. It was like when I was a child, my grandparents live 2 days drive from us and we usually only saw them on summer vacation. I so wanted my children to know their grandparents, to adore them and have their influence in their lives.
When we moved to Edmonton from Calgary, that was a huge part of the decision making process. Brent's family lives here in Edmonton and it is much closer to my family as well. My mom and 2 sisters are only 5-6 hours away and Dad and my other sister are about 8 hours away. And when Dad started staying with us on his way to and from work, that was the very best part of our move for me.
He has held my babies as wailing newborns and played patiently with them as toddlers. He has put up with their preschooler antics and teenage attitude. He has been a marvelous support for me, quietly distracting a fussing child so that I could get some dinner on or giving my tired arms a break when my baby wanted to be held non-stop.
I can't begin to tell you how many stories he has read. Over and over and over again. When Girly was little, she would wait at the window for his arrival, books in hand. She knew that he was hers. She would take his hand in her teensy one, lead him to the couch and curl up at his side and he would read. And read. And read.
Just this morning, he was ready to leave - had already started his car - and Girly and Monkey said, "Papa, come downstairs and play Uno with us!"
Papa smiled and said resignedly, "Well, maybe just one game." 10 rounds later, when Girly finally won a game, he got up and started the good bye hugs. I got an extra one as Dad couldn't help but notice the tears glistening in my eyes.
I can't help but cry, because though I know there will be many visits in the future, I also know that their is no replacement for the beautiful gift he has give me and my children. His time. Precious, lovely time. Something that I am coming to understand is very finite.

Baby Zed's Board Book

2009-11-13T17:57:00.002-07:00

Check out this board book I made with my Heritage Makers studio!
You can make one too, it's easy, just ask me how! Sign up for your free studio here. www.heritagemakers.com/283163

Get Me Out of Here!

2009-11-04T15:40:00.005-07:00

Well Monkey boy has spent the day annoying his brothers and sister, so apparently he is starting to feel better. He still has a fever of 101, but with acetaminophen on board he seems to feel okay. Girly and Baby Zed are both sick as well, today being baby's worst. I have a call into the doctor about him, because he seems to have a secondary infection. So far so good though. They seem to be going through their illness quite quickly and I hope they will all be better by the weekend.
Mama is a bit tired, but keeping her sense of humour about the whole thing. I thought that their little cups of meds lined up on the counter was kinda funny and they looked so cute when they are all sitting there with thermometers under their arms. Not so cute is Zed's pathetic, little cough. sigh.

The big boys are still healthy and bickering at the moment. They decided that we should give Nanowrimo a shot again this year. They are both pretty psyched about it, especially because all youth who meet their goal get a proof copy of their novel published. So cool! Can you imagine being 12 and passing around a book that you wrote! They are both keeping up with their word count goals. I have done exactly zero words today. I am avoiding it by blogging these lame-o paragraphs...

So far this week we have missed swimming and choir and tonight is supposed to be soccer practice. I haven't minded the lack of rushing around, but I am starting to go a little stir crazy. On top of staying home with sick kids, I have been doing it alone. My husband had to work all weekend and then he worked late last night and now it is looking like tonight as well. And maybe this weekend. He hasn't said as much, but he did tell me that the plant co-gen went down so the refinery has no electricity. Kind of important. And they will need him there for the fixing. Regardless I really need to get out of the house tonight. Maybe I can get a walk in before bed.

Anyhoo, back to tylenol and tea and avoiding my chores...

Hey! Are you guys on twitter? If so, why don't you come and find me, I am mightymama1, let's tweet!

Sick day.

2009-11-02T07:56:00.004-07:00

Well, the flu has hit my house for the second time this fall. My Monkey boy woke up this morning screaming. He had an awful bad dream and was coughing and screaming that he was covered in blood, and when I turned on the light I saw that he was. He just had a bleeding nose, but he was terrified. When I held him, his little body was on fire. So I put him into a tepid bath to wash off the blood and try to bring down his temp. He won't eat and I have to make him drink, he is just laying lethargically in my bed. Poor guy. Tylenol and fluids are the order of the day and maybe some cuddles and stories and movies.
I am just praying that everyone else stays healthy and that he is well soon.
I definitely don't mind slowing down for the week, staying home and tucking in. We are well into our fall schedule of ballet and soccer, swimming and youth groups, choir and YMCA programs, not to mention school. My house could really use some attention, and I wouldn't mind getting some quiet work done, like crocheting Zed's stocking that never got done or writing or scrapbooking.
So that is where you will find me this week. Tucked in with my babies. Administering soup and stories, Tylenol and snuggles. And saying a large number of prayers for the health of my kids and yours too.

Naptime.

2009-10-27T12:21:00.002-06:00

Already this morning, Baby Zed has said 2 new words. Naana for banana, and daa-er for diaper. He is a talker! He talks all day long, every day and when he is not talking he is singing. He brings us so much joy.
Of course there is the whole not sleeping through the night thing. I have only slept through the night a handful of times in the last 14 months. And it is taking a toll on me. I am a wee bit tired and my kids might say I am a bit grumpy. I can feel wrinkles growing on my face from exhaustion. And I have learned how to live on caffeine. Not something I aspired to, but a fact of my life none-the-less. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just Baby Zed who was night waking, but it is not. My 4 year old Girly and my 5.8 (he is very exacting about his age) year old Monkey are both still getting up at night occasionally. Most nights there are 2 kids trying to get in my bed around 3 or 4. sigh.
Regardless, I adore them and their sleepy cuddles. I have a hard time booting any of them back to their beds at night, which has probably compounded the problem. I am now trying to make myself get up and put them back to bed, or at least put myself in one of their beds!
I think this sleeplessness has something to do with the not blogging thing, I find it really hard to look at the computer screen or concentrate when my eyeballs are sandy and I have the brain pain (migraines). I have a million posts in my head, but they are not making their way to screen or paper. I may have even forgotten how to write...
I do adore you dear bloggy friends, I hope to see more of you. Sweet dreams all. I plan on taking a nap.

New, but not.

2009-10-06T16:42:00.003-06:00

I was driving home from the airport this morning and was just overcome with my adoration of autumn. The colours made my heart sing. I love the new-oldness of fall. The year is getting to be middle-aged, but it takes on all this gorgeous shading and personality and light. I hope that I will be made newly beautiful as I age, resplendent with graciousness and radiating confidence and joy. My son keeps telling me that at 34.5 I am almost middle aged, so I hope to see some of these fruits soon. You know, stuff other than those random grey strands and crow's feet. I am sure not feeling that new right now...

I do have a new computer though. (how's that for an awkward segue?) It is actually my old laptop with my son's laptop screen. We both had broken laptops, (remember this!) so my dad put them together and now I have a working computer with an intact screen!
Joy of joys! The first thing I did was put Photoshop back on so that I can play with my pictures and scrapbook. I can't wait!

My favourite photo subject is snoring beside me, baby Zed has a bit of a cold and is thankfully taking an extra nap right now. Poor snurgelly guy. We went to take some fall photos in the river valley this past weekend and he has snoogies in every one. nice. What was really nice was that not one photo turned out because not one of my 5 angels were the least bit cooperative. sigh. Oh well, I guess I can just comfort myself with the knowledge that every photo shows who they really are. I will have to share them with you tomorrow, I hope they make you smile.

Birthdays and such.

2009-09-30T21:02:00.012-06:00

I figured since it has been so long, photos and cake were in order. So here goes.

September held Superboy and Baby Zed's birthdays. Superboy's was on the third and we had a little family celebration on the day. With my messy but yummy Black Forrest cake, Butter Chicken and Naan Bread.

Then we had a huge Labour Day bash to celebrate all of our September birthdays. Superboy, Baby Z, 2 Uncles and an Aunt.
Black Forrest cake was once again called for, in size ENORMOUS. Baby Zed had his own yummy cake, with ganache poured over top. The ganache ended up a little thick as I wasn't sure what the 'drip down the sides, but not pour everywhere' consistency would be. Poor thing was almost in sugar shock by the time we wrenched it from his delicious fingers. All the relatives brought food so we had yummy Ukranian along with our BBQ burgers and stuff.
We had an amazing day with our friends and family, what blessings they all are to us.
3 of our birthday celebrants, they span 9 decades!

"Yay! Cake!" Happy 1st Birthday Baby Zed! (the cake is chocolate and blue to match his room)

"Hmm. Pretty good stuff."

"Yum!" I just wanted to eat him up! But definitely time for a bath and some milk.

Thanks Grumps! (He usually runs away from Grumps and hides behind my leg, but he gave it a go with Eeyore. It lasted 15 seconds before he yelped for me.

On the ninth, for Baby Zed's real birthday, I tried to cut back on the insulin OD's so I just make some carrot cupcakes. He was just as excited about cake part deux as he was the first time.

But these people, these were the best evah! For Superboy's friend party, I made these cupcakes. I found them on Bakerella's site and they were so very cute. Love!

15 years

2009-08-20T10:30:00.002-06:00

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. That sounds so weird to me. It sounds so old and grown up and I still feel like the teenage bride that I once was. Most of the time anyway.
What an adventure marriage has been, and adulthood for that matter. We have been through so many of life's ups and downs together already. Births (we have 6 kids) and deaths (our 3rd child as well as extended family); marriage and divorce (my parents, soon after our marriage, his dad's); sickness (his mom's breast cancer and others) and health; poorer (living on 1 small income, failed business) and richer (thank goodness we don't have to live on dried pasta and beans anymore!); depression (both of us) and joys (innumerable).
I would love to say that through each roller coaster ride, we clung to each other and supported each other without fail. But that would not be entirely true. There have been times when we have turned our backs to each other, times when we have failed each other, times when we have not chosen to love with God's perfect love. We, as individuals, are not perfect and therefore as a couple, are not perfect. But we have persevered and God has protected us. When one of us felt like giving up, the other was there holding tight and refusing to let go. Refusing to let us fail. When one of us wanted to run away(usually me), the other gently closed the door and held the runner in his arms (usually him). When one of us could not take another step in life, when we felt overwhelmed with grief and circumstance, the other carried us on their backs and prayed us through the darkness.
Regardless of our individual failures, we as a couple have held fast, and with God's grace we have come out the other side stronger and better for it.
Marriage has not been an easy road for either of us, and over the last few years we have struggled often. I knew that we could stay together with God's help, but I had no hope of better than that. I had no idea of the redemption God had in store for us. What it would look like when we both saw each other as God sees us, when we loved each other with His love.
We have a marriage redeemed and sanctified in God. Now that is something worth celebrating! I can barely comprehend the difference in our relationship. I am so thankful for our life together and the man I married. He makes me beautiful, he is dead sexy, he protects and cherishes me and his unconditional love is the greatest gift he could and does give. I hope that I have many more years to show him my love, to be his biggest cheerleader, to give him my greatest respect and to watch our family grow up together.
Honey, I love you, I thank God for you every day, I can't wait to see what the next 60 years have in store for us and how we will succeed as a team. You make me weak in the knees every. single. day. I can't wait to see you tonight, tell you of my love and to be held in your arms once more. Forever and ever, amen.

This post is supposed to have some lovely photos of us taken over the years, but I can't find my darn mini usb cord and the card reader on this thing is broke. So maybe later. Or just maybe I don't have to be humiliated by my nineties hair today.

Oh My Aching Uterus

2009-08-13T08:23:00.000-06:00

Have I mentioned my rampant hormones? Or maybe it just has to do with my baby turning 1 in less than a month. But I am starting to mourn the end of my baby years. So much so that I almost begged my hubby for a puppy. I am so not a dog person, so he figured that it must be baby cravings causing these mad ravings.
Then, this weekend, the accident. The dread condom accident. You know the kind, the one where you think you are all protected and stuff and it turns out that the birth control was faulty. Like broken faulty. Crap! and then, to make things worse? You ovulate the next day. And then you realize how insane those baby cravings are, because really? Who on earth could possibly think I could raise 6 kids. Not me! And hopefully no one in heaven does either, because, seriously?
Now I would happily raise a passel of kids. In a bigger house. With domestic help. And maybe if they were not all from my womb. Because my womb? She is tired. And the fear of labour has increased with each pregnancy. Because labour? It hurts. A lot. So.
Here is hoping that if God intends for this old girl to do the baby birthing one last time that he also intends to send a windfall my way, in the shape of a huge house complete with housekeeping and meal making.
Crossing my fingers for the negative pg test,
and crossing my legs until the VASectomy,
your overly fertile friend,
Mighty Morphin' Mama

Mid-year Resolutions

2009-08-12T07:52:00.000-06:00

We are trying some new things around here, like budgets. We are so many and we only have one income, my poor hubby can only work so much! So we are trying to reign in our spending so that we can afford the things we want, like new floors, vacations, books...
Our grocery bills have gotten out of control, what with teenagers and preschoolers that eat like teenagers. I think our biggest problem has been running to the store several times a week rather than meal planning and shopping accordingly. So.
Last week on pay day, I made a trip to Costco for meat and other essentials. I made it out of there having only spent $275! Amazing how much less you spend when you avoid the ready made foods and books,and clothes and other extras. Then I made a hundred dollar trip to the Superstore to get produce and a few other things. I assumed that I would have to make at least one more trip for produce this week as my teen eats 10 pieces of fruit a day at least. But I am going to make it until payday without having to go again. (Well I did make a stop into another store for the specific laundry detergent that we use, but we combined it with another errand.)
This week, I only need a few things like toilet paper, flour, and produce and milk, so I will be way under my allotted weekly grocery budget. Yea! (I was about a hundred over budget this week, but we were out of everything. EVERYTHING. All the overage will be snuck into savings before we can spend it.
We made a deal with the kids last night. We will forgo eating out and fast food and take-out and timmy's and VANILLA BEAN LATTES (oh the humanity!) for 12 months. And the money that we had been spending in that area will go into a vacation account. This was particularly timely as we told them that we will not be going to visit our best friends in Vancouver this year as we had planned. And boy are they motivated. My 11 year old was giving dad the gears about wasting time on the computer and using our electricity. Then he harrassed him about buying a case of Coke until Daddy pointed out that the case of pop for $2 was a huge savings over the $2 bottles of Coke he would be tempted to buy at work.
I am so looking forward to our success in this plan, not only will we take a fun vacation, but we should all be healthier and skinier. Plus, I am super motivated to cook wonderful meals. Last night I even made my hubby his favourite, scalloped potatoes. (I know, so not diet food) Something that I have only made once or twice in our whole married life. oops. I even precooked some things and threw them in the freezer to make life easier. I rawk! Domestic Diva-dom, here I come!

Spam prevention post

2009-08-11T11:45:00.002-06:00

I can always tell when it has been too long between posts because the spammers take over my comments!

I still have no computer, I can borrow my kids' computer, but I tend not to bother. I have really felt little urge to have anything to do with the internet. I occasionally check facebook or twitter from my phone, but I haven't even read email in weeks. It is difficult to weed out all the spam from the real emails on the little screen of my phone, so I have basically given up.

Today I decided that it was about time I reconnected. I apologise if you have tried to get a hold of me and have been unable. I will try to get through as much as I can today and throughout the week. I miss my internets!

Life is progressing as usual around here. Kids growing like weeds, my teenager is about to hit 6 feet and my baby is walking. My little Girly is a big 4 year old now, and not my baby anymore. My 5 year old Monkey, on the other hand, is still my baby, and that is the way we both like it. The little three still end up in my bed occasionally, so my sleep is not that much better. On the flipside, Baby Zed is regularly sleeping through the night and will go down for a nap now, even if I put him to bed awake. Yea!

In fact he is napping right now and it is glorious! Well it would be if my 11 and 14 year olds weren't fighting with each other and then huffing and puffing at me. I am in desperate need of a break. If only they would go for a nap.

We are back at renovating, my hubby seems to have got bitten by the bug and progress if finally being made. We took out another wall, and are finally in the process of putting back together. Mudding and taping of the drywall is happening. I have a kitchen plan. I am choosing my finishes! I am so excited about my new kitchen and flooring, I can envision it all in my mind - room to store all our groceries; the ability to open the dishwasher and the stove at the same time; my new patio doors opening onto my huge deck; baby not getting slivers on his toes and knees from plywood floors; baby not finding and eating a hacksaw that his Dad forgot to put away after last nights work... Glorious!

So life as usual at Casa de Mighty. Hope it is for you too, can't wait to catch up with you all.

Here we all are, squinting into the sun at my sister's wedding:)

Happy summer all.

Why I may continue to be a crappy blogger:

2009-07-08T15:43:00.002-06:00

Girly threw a toy across the room and it hit my laptop screen. I yelped and she said, "But I made Zed laugh!"
Like that made it all okay.
sigh. But I could barely muster any anger, just resignation.
So my screen is hooped. No scrapbooking for me. Even logging on is a crapshoot. I think I will be saving my pennies for a repair or a new laptop. Maybe I can convince my hubby I need a new macbook pro...

What an adventure yesterday was. Girly and I baked cookies and bread and while I was kneading the bread, I knocked a whole gallon of canola oil off of the counter and spilled it all over the floor. And wall. And the exersaucer. The grossest mess evah! Then I put another roast in the oven for supper and today's sandwiches. And I forgot to turn off the oven when I made the 2 hour trip to get the boys from daycamp and their dad from work. Oops!
It was a wee bit dry! And somehow, the rice turned out soggy. Oh, well, no one complained. Well no one but me.
Now I am off to run and get them all again. I am not leaving anything cooking today . And praying that the threatening tornadoes hold off. Don't want to run into any of that action!
I still plan on sharing my weekend with you, including Zed's big news. Which all of you who follow me on facebook or twitter already know...
I look forward to catching up on your lives too, I hear there is some baby news out there...

Supermom?

2009-07-06T13:25:00.004-06:00

Wow, it is so quiet around here today. All 3 of my big boys are gone for the week. The two eldest boys, 12 and 14, are camp counselors for the week at our church day camp. And my Monkey Boy (5) is attending the camp, so it is just Girly, Baby Zed and I for the whole week.
By the time I had driven the long, muddy detour home from drop-off this morning, I had a whole laundry list of stuff that I could get done this week while I only had 2 kids. Then I got home and reality hit. No big kids around means that not only do I have to do their chores, I have no one to hold the baby while I get stuff done. And no one to run and open the baby-gates for Girly every 5 seconds. And no one else to blame for the disaster zone that is my house. Sigh. I guess I need to modify my list a little.
When we arrived home last night, I realized that I had nothing to send with my boys for their lunches all week. Home educating usually means that I don't have to worry about such things as packing lunches, so when they do have to take a lunch it is a big deal and I like to make it special. So what did I do all night? I baked. Muffins for breakfast and cookies for their lunch, all while cooking a roast so that they have meat for the their 'peanut free' sandwiches.
I love my hubby, he came in as I was putting the cookies in the oven and remarked that I was a 'supermom'. I was all, "Whatevah! These cookies were from frozen cookie dough I had in my oven..."
And he was all, "Whatevah! We just got back from a very busy weekend out of town and you are making a roast for sandwiches, you made yummy, berry muffins for their breakfast and here you are making cookies so that they have a treat. Anyone could see that you are a supermom!"

I really do love him, he didn't even mention that I totally overcooked the first bunch of muffins (I forgot while dealing with a moody tween) AND the cookies (Baby HAD to nurse when they were almost done). And he didn`t complain when I asked him to put on a load of laundry and he went to the store to get bread and cut up the roast when it came out of the oven at 11pm.
Of course I had to disappoint him when later when I told him that if I had some spare cash, I would have bought the kids Subway for lunch and skipped all the cooking. So much for honesty!

I can hardly believe that I been away from you all for so long. I have missed you so!
Check back later this week to see what I was up to this weekend!

Wednesday is for cuteness.

2009-05-27T09:09:00.001-06:00

Look at what my 5 year old can do!
Cutie smartiepants.

Have you ever seen anything cuter?

Girly sings

2009-05-25T07:17:00.001-06:00

At bedtime we sing lullabies with our kids. Lately, Girly has volunteered to sing to me after I sing to her. She makes up hilarious, random, disjointed songs.

Last night's installment went something like this:

I don't like you.
I love my mommy so very much.
She is so beautiful,
because she wears nice makeup.
It takes her an hour to wash
it off before bed.
I lo-ve elephants.

There were then some verses about lions and tigers...
Have I mentioned that she is obsessed with my makeup and skin care products? She keeps 'borrowing' things from my room and hiding them in her room. I caught her perusing her stash the other day, she had 3 of my deodorants! No wonder I can never find any.

Another night, her little ditty was a bit more... uh... bloodthirsty:

Sharky don't swim in the fish pool
Sharky don't swim in the fish pool
Sharky don't swim in the fish pool,
And Fishy stay out of the shark pool!

Her imagination is out of control! She tells stories all day long and sings crazy songs, I need to get a little voice recorder and capture some of the cuteness.

Time to be a Family

2009-05-19T09:28:00.005-06:00

It is Tuesday after the May long weekend and I am watching the snow fall outside my window. I need to weed my garden, but it is too cold and snowy! It is 9:30 am and I have already been up for 4 hours, had breakfast and some quiet time, a cup of tea, a latte and driven to the airport and back. Baby Zed sang with me and the radio for most of the drive home and then he cried for the last 10 minutes. The singing was really cute.
My hubby has been home for exactly one week today, thank goodness. He has come along with me for my morning walks and we have stopped off for coffee on the way. I am enjoying getting reaquainted. It has been a busy time though, and we haven't really done any fun things with the family yet, maybe today we will go out.
On Thursday, we had a 14 cubic yard garbage bin delivered and we spent the weekend filling it with renovation rubbish and all the junk from our garage and basement. I had no idea that we had so much stuff! I wish I had taken before and after pictures, you would not have believed the messes. We have just been putting stuff away in those places while they waited for more permanent homes and then never got around to it. The dumpster is over-flowing and we have numerous bags and boxes of recycling at the curb and a bunch of things to take to the Goodwill and for freecycle.
My aunt came to the city to meet up with my Mom for a girls' weekend on Thursday. She spent all day Friday with us and we had such a nice visit. Girly would not leave her alone, she was Auntie's little shadow. On Sunday, Mom and Auntie came over for a lobster feast. Our neighbour owns a seafood shop and they had brought in a huge order of fresh, spring lobster and he gave us a sweet deal. Even I liked it and I don't like seafood! We had lobster and garlic butter and tons of bbq-roasted veggies, yum-my. I am going to make a veggie lasagna tonight with the leftovers.
Baby Zed is a completely different kid than when Daddy went away. He was 5 months old and barely sitting and belly crawling then. Now he is eight months and walking around and between the furniture, easily making the transitions between laying, sitting and standing. He is constantly climbing the stairs if allowed, we have to be ever-vigilant of the stair-gates. Oh! hang on...
He was eating playdough. yucky!
He has been saying, "Hi," and "Mom," for quite some time and this weekend he started with the yayaya, dadada, mumumumum, bababas. Love!
He is just so very anxious to be big and to follow his big brothers and sister. I am pretty sure that he will be walking by 9 months. He is already balancing quite well and is pretty impatient with not being able to keep up with the others. My last baby is growing up so very fast. Sigh...
I have been quite content with just being a family again this week, I haven't even thought about hanging out with friends or going out. But it looks like Brent will start a new job tomorrow, and even though it will be close by (30-45 minutes drive), he works 12-14 hour days and often 7 days a week, so we won't see much of him for a while. So we will get back in the swing of life without him around again far too quickly, so I will grab ahold of all the moments with him that I can.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T08:11:00.001-06:00

Happy Mother's Day my lovelies! Have an amazing day. I am already sitting in my bed with my breakfast prepared by my sweethearts. Enjoy your babies today.

repeat.

2009-05-09T20:54:00.003-06:00

He has not been home yet. Every day is supposed to be the day and then the day ends and still no hubby. I kept busy this week, spent some time with friends and in the few rays of sun that broke through the rain. But emotionally, I am exhausted and I feel like I have nothing left. I can`t even read a book, nothing makes any sense as I stare at the pages. I can`t do anything on the computer but stare at the screen. I am trying to build a website, but I can't make heads nor tails of anything.

I did enjoy trying out my new Mary Kay goodies and have given myself two new looks already and made over my girly a few times. She won't leave my stuff alone. Every day I find items from my room, usually cosmetics, hidden away in her room. She is a teensy girly mouse burrowing things away for a distant ~~winter.~~ teenage-hood.

I am going to bed, it has been a very long day and my throat hurts. My eldest had a sleepover last night (hate!) and they were all up all night. At 4:30 am, Baby Zed woke up and the boys were up and then at 7 the littles were up and so were the teens. Crazy. I hope we all sleep soundly and maybe tomorrow will bring my husband. Or at least some sunshine and smiles.

Warning, teary rant ahead.

2009-05-04T17:21:00.002-06:00

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
UGH!
WAHHHHH!

...sigh...

I am trying really hard not to burst into tears. I am actually in the middle of cleaning my fridge, so I shouldn't be stopping to write while my groceries sit on the counter getting warm, but UGH!
My hubby has been working up north for about 10 weeks now. It was supposed to be a couple of weeks. And then they promised him a position here in town for a while. A few weeks came and went, and then a few more. The past week or two it looked like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. His new job starts on the 10th they told him. May tenth he would start working a half an hour away rather than 5 or 6 hours away. They said he would have some time off beforehand. He should have been done by today and on his way home to me now.
No. They told him to take a few days off and come back to finish up. Then they want him to start work on another unit up there. What???
He is supposed to be on his way home. For good. Job over.
I am tired. I am done. I held on this far, with the hope of his return this week and now that may be ripped from my hands. I don't want to wait a few more weeks. I want him home now. I don't even want to wait a few more days.
I guess it should be a positive that they want him to stay. He is very good at what he does. He has special skills that no one else up there right now has. They need his skills. But I need him too. I just need a soft place to land at the end of the day, is that too much to ask?

He told them no. He said he would finish what he was working on and they he was coming home. But it is hard, because they hold the keys to the next job. And we can't afford for him to not be employed right now. I guess all I can do is to give it to God.

...sigh...

Bits and Bites

2009-04-30T10:07:00.003-06:00

Nearing the end of my reserves (reserves... bwahahahah... snort...ha) today. Baby Zed has been awake around 3:30 am for a few nights, with a poopy bottom and then ready to play. (I think those teeth have been reaking havoc with his bowels) Then the preschoolers had been up at 6, just about when the baby was going back to sleep. Tilerd... Last night, after months of being dry, both preschoolers wet the bed and came nudey bum to my bed in the wee hours. So this morning, I am a wee bit sleepy plus I have 4 extra loads of laundry. Fun.

I think my hubby's job up north is coming to an end, but I still don't know exactly when he will be home. I am mostly okay with that. I am in the groove. I feel capable and able and have almost given up on having a tidy house so that helps.

I live for nap-time. Oh blessed nap-time, when I can feel free for a few moments. Free from constant vigilance for baby's safety, free from being continually entertaining and chatty, and free of being constantly on. He is a lot of work! So much fun, but a lot of work. He does help find all those teensy, lost items that no one has seen in weeks. Guaranteed they will end up in his mouth. The big boys and I got the family room mucked out again this week, Zed kept finding things he shouldn't have, so I insisted on every nook and cranny being cleaned out. I also dug a huge clog out of the vacuum so the carpet is actually clean!

Oh, the washer stopped! I better hop in the shower and then get another load in before baby Zed wakes up. Nap-time is awesome but short!

My Boy

2009-04-28T08:10:00.005-06:00

My Monkey boy is getting so big! At 5 years old, he is no longer one of the 'babies' as we have always said, but one of the big boys.
The last two nights he has come awake with the proud announcement that he didn't suck his thumb last night! What a big boy, he is stopping that habit all on his own. We bought the puppet months ago to put on when he went to bed as a way to discourage thumb sucking and offer alternative comfort. It wasn't a magical cure, but it did start the ball rolling.
I haven't made a big deal about it, I have let him lead the way, but recently I have noticed his mouth really changing shape from the thumb and I mentioned that to him. As with everything else, he internalized that information and must have come to a decision all on his own. I am so proud!

A couple days ago, we went for pizza with Grandma and Uncle D. The kids played the claw game after with Uncle. You know, the one where they use the claw to try and grab a toy and drop it in the slot. Well, Monkey rocked that claw! He got 3 toys on the first try. When he came out to the van, where I had already buckled in his sister and baby brother, he was psyched! He immediately gave each of his little siblings one of his toys. My heart burst with pride in his sharing and generosity.

Monkey Boy is a really neat kid, he is very affectionate and loving. He is gentle with his baby brother and sensitive to his sister. He longs to be a big guy and hang with his big brothers, he loves wrestling with them and playing video games with them. We call Monkey our Ninja because he runs around high kicking all day long. He never stops moving, except to cuddle with mommy. Which he is doing right now. And therefore reading over my shoulder and editing my post:D He said that the big brothers mostly play video games by themselves and he gets left out.
(Which is a shame because he is everyone's biggest cheerleader. He just ran up to make sure his little sister made it to the potty okay, she was freaking out because she has a tendency to leave it to the last second.)

I love nothing more than to spend some time with my monkey, he always amazes me with his wise questions. He is an expert at delaying bedtime with deep conversation. He is a philosopher in a 5 year old body. He makes my heart ache with love and pride every day. I am such a lucky mommy!

Don't forget to ask me your questions so that I can answer them for my 500th post! Thanks!

Ask me Anything!

2009-04-27T11:43:00.002-06:00

Don't forget to ask me your questions so that I can answer them for my 500th post! Thanks!

April 26, 2002

2009-04-26T15:55:00.001-06:00

7 years. Seven years have passed since I gave birth to my oldest daughter. As most of you know, she died in my womb and then we birthed her and held her still body. It was heart-wrenching, but beautiful. The peace that I experienced as I held her little body in my arms was incredible. We miss her, but the ache, the pain is gone. We know that one day we will hold her in our arms again and she will be whole. She will be full of life again, and that is the day that we live for.
Last night, I read through my journal that I wrote at that time. It is full of pain, and tears filled my eyes more than once. But it is also filled with hope and it is filled with the evidence of God working in our lives. God promised to carry us and he did. He held us and comforted us and I am so thankful for every step of our journey. I am thankful for the pain that opened our hearts wider to God and to his creation. To beautiful, hurting people all around us.
I think I will share some of those entries with you in the weeks to come. I will also finish the birth story I started to write a couple years ago. Oops!

Kalila Dorothy, April 26, 2002
Her name means Precious - Gift of God. Kalila is an Arabic term of endearment and Dorothy is my middle name and the first name of both of my Grandmothers, I always planned on giving it to my first born daughter, so I did.

My journal post from the day Kalila was born.

To my precious one,
I have loved you since before I knew you existed. You have been growing inside of me for almost five months. I have thought of you each day with love, hope and excitement as well as with fear and anxiety over the future. When I first felt your stirrings inside of me, it was Easter weekend and we were at Nana's. I felt utter joy - you were real! All the following week (your 18th), when I would sit still in the evenings with your aunties (with your cousins in their tummies), I would feel your movements.
I am so thankful for that time.
At night, your Daddy would talk to you and hug you - we were anxiously awaiting the time when you could hear our voices and we were trying to choose your special lullaby.
On the Monday after you turned 18 weeks old, we went to have an ultrasound done. I was so excited! We all were, we would finally get to see you. When the sonographer was done, she went and got Daddy and your brothers. We saw your beautiful, perfect form, lovely legs and toes, arms and hand. You waved to us, we were so thrilled that you were saying hi to us, but I guess it was good bye. (The boys always talk of her waving good bye. to this day.) That is how the boys remember you. I am so thankful that we had that opportunity to see you and that you knew us already. You heard your brothers playing, and all of our family times and knew our love.
I love you.
We watched you gulping and I imagined you nursing at my breast and greedily gulping. When I saw your heart beating, I was ecstatic, 154 beats per minute. I had been longing to hear that sound, but the sound was off, so we never did hear your heart beat.

Later, after she was born:

I felt such peace as I watched you laying in the bassinet, curled up as if asleep. Holding you in my hand, I just love you. I can't imagine having to wait my entire life to hold you whole and full of life. I long to hold you at my breast and watch you eat, stroke your cheek and whisper sweetness in your ear. I love you so much.
Kalila Dorothy, you are the baby girl I have dreamed of since I was a little girl. Your brothers wished and prayed for a little sister.

Thinking of you my precious daughter and of all the other mommy's who are missing their babies.

Ask and ye shall receive.

2009-04-25T08:50:00.005-06:00

Same old, same old around here. Hubby is still away at work. House is still a mess. Baby is still teething. (one tooth through and one almost through) One child is still giving me a hard time about school, every. single. day. They are all still growing up way too darn fast. It just hit me that my eldest will be in grade 10 next year! Here in AB, that is the beginning of high school. I just can't imagine! My grade 10 year still feels like yesterday, how could I have a kid that old?!

Having a lazy Saturday morning, at least I am. The kids did not accomplish much of what I asked of them this week, so I am having them finish up some school. Apparently I am the meanest mom ever and therefore subject to the most insane eye-rolling ever inflicted on a human being.
I do need to catch up on some marking and housework, so I shan't be lazy for long. Unfortunately. I would really like to just spend the day scrapping photos on HM.

So. I have been blogging for a while now and I am at my 500th post! I usually let all these blog-milestones pass by, but I know a lot of you have done a question-answer thing for them and since I seem to be having a hard time writing lately I think having you ask me questions would be a great plan.
So for the next week, I will be collecting your questions and then answering them in a big bloggiversary post for my 500th post. So ask me anything!

missed bits...

2009-04-21T19:10:00.002-06:00

OH! I forgot to mention! Zed is sleeping through the night! From at least 11 til 7, so I am rejoicing. All my other kids were excellent sleepers by about 2 months, and at the latest by 5 months. So this non-sleeping baby was a shocker, but he has got it now. phew! He is even napping.
Oh! And he is drinking from a cup and eating everything in sight and still nursing like a champ. I keep expecting him to plump up a bit, but so far, not so much. He does this really cute biting thing with the rubber spout on his cup, it makes a squeaking sound that makes him laugh. Aw!

My weekly post... Gasp!

2009-04-21T14:46:00.005-06:00

Well I have started 5 or 6 posts recently that just haven't gotten written, but Mrs. P told me to post something so here I am.
I have a teething baby and we are all just getting over some wicked colds. Poor Zed and Monkey are working on their second, yucky, 2 to 3 week viruses back to back. It has been a fun week! Zed's bottom right tooth has broken through, and the other one is getting there. His gums are swollen and bleeding and he is uncharacteristically miserable. Even in the midst of his horrible cold, he would flash us his face-lighting smile constantly. Today? He has been yelling and crying at me and pulling my hair.
He has had a huge week, he is changing in leaps and bounds. He is starting to creep along the furniture, I can't keep him from pulling up on everything and climbing things. Every time I turn around, he is in the bottom of the exersaucer or on the bottom shelf of something. Each day he spends more time crawling on hands and knees and less on his belly. He learned his second word. When my sister was here last week, he kept waving at her and saying, "Hiyeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" No babababa for this guy, right on to the real words. His first word was Mama, of course. It seems as if he has always said, "Maaaaaam," while crying, I can't remember him not doing it. Girly did too.
Zed went to his first hockey game this weekend. I took all of the kids to my nephew's hockey tournament and remembered that though I have missed the kids playing hockey this year, it is a huge pain taking a mobile baby to the arena. Ugh.
Hmm... What else is happening here at casa de mighty? Oh! I know, I have joined my sister as a Mary Kay consultant. What an amazing company, I am thrilled to be associated with them and sharing their products with people. They truly are a company built by women helping women both in business and through the Mary Kay Ash foundation. I am having my debut this weekend and if you ever need anything, let me know!
The weather here is gorgeous, the sun is shining and it is a balmy 18 degrees. Can't wait for my walk, I should step away from my computer and out into the day.

Mid-week check in.

2009-04-15T15:55:00.002-06:00

We had an amazing weekend with family, celebrating our savior's resurrection and my birthday on the same day. My Mom even made me the same bunny cake that she made me for my first birthday, so sweet! But today, I am just wrung out. Maybe tomorrow I will have something to give because today I have nothing.

Gratitude

2009-04-08T09:08:00.003-06:00

Okay, enough of the whining from me. I didn't even think that my last post was quite so down, but everyone left me such sweet and encouraging comments that I must have sounded like I needed them! (I did!) Thank you guys, you are so sweet and make me feel so encouraged.
I am thankful for you.
I am thankful for irl friends have taken a kid or 2 for a few hours. Who have invited me for coffee or given me a well timed hug. And thankful for friends who have needed me, helping someone else is the best way to not feel sorry for yourself.
I am thankful for my mil who has taken the time to come for lunch with us or drop in and visit while Brent has been gone. She truly loves me and I love her and that is an awesome thing.
I am thankful that my hubby is working, and that his job is allowing us to recover from some difficult financial times.
I am thankful for my hubby and his willingness to do what needs to be done. Even when his wife makes it difficult.
I am thankful for each and every one of my amazing kids. And for the smiles they woke up with after a long night filled with coughing and tears.
I am thankful that I am going to see my mommy and my sisters for my birthday! I bet I will even get cake!
I am thankful for spring sunshine that soaks into my soul as I go for long walks with the kids.
I am thankful for lattes:)
I am thankful that I lost 3lbs last week...
I am so thankful that God's strength is enough to sustain me and his grace covers me in all my failings and weakness.
I could keep going all day, and this exercise is totally changing my outlook on the day, but baby needs me.
What are you thankful for?

Free Workshops

2009-04-07T07:04:00.000-06:00

Check out the free Heritage Makers Workshops today and Thursday. For more info click here.

Some bits 'o' nothingness.

2009-04-06T10:53:00.000-06:00

Girly is hilarious. Tonight she was telling me stories. "Firs o'ball..." (First of all) Most of her story telling involves her sighing and flinging her hair over her shoulder and talking just to hear the sound of her voice. Oh and saying 'Ack-chew-ee,' a lot. Tonight, she was also watching herself in the hallway mirror. hee hee.
She was telling me a story about Jesus dying on the cross and our whole family dying on the cross. She says, "And on page two..." as she pretends to turn the pages of a book.

"And the next story is about Princess 'insert her full 4 names here' who is a ballerina. And there are 3 lions. And they ate me and it really hurt and their breath was so cold that I can't stand it!"
After I stopped giggling, I made my escape before she could rope into listening to any more stories. I still had 4 kids to get to bed!

Baby Zed is going to be 7 months old this week. And just like all my other boys, he can't wait to be big. He is more than a little frustrated with being a baby at this point and considering how smiley and laid back he has been, this has been a hard transition for me. He is constantly grunting and yelling and then he starts in with the whining, you can just see him straining to make his little body do what he wants it to. As of yesterday, he can officially crawl on his hands and knees instead of his army crawl. He can pull to standing on furniture now, instead of just on soft things like him mommy like he was last week. He can even balance himself by holding on and scooch over a step or two. A week or two ago he would just let go and fall over, now he is starting to understand that you have to hold on.
He can sit indefinitely now and use his hands to transition to the floor and he can almost get into a sitting position from laying, but not quite. He can also climb a very small step as he was climbing stacks of mats at the rec centre the other day. With all this moving about, my life has become infinitely more complicated.
You see, I still have plywood instead of flooring on my main floor, so I can't put him down to play there. And he is only happy to play in the Exersaucer or be held for moments at a time. When we take him down to the family room to play on the floor, there are dozens of hazards because that is where the kids toys are and he is always finding stray pieces of Lego and such. And, of course, he is only happy to crawl around there for so long without getting bored. My baby loves to be on the go, he wants constant stimulation and changes of scenery. I am finding that my life is much easier if I take him out a couple times a day.
We have been going for 5 or 6 km walks every day or two, and after we strap the screaming babe in, he laughs for a bit and then naps. Car rides are also helpful in keeping him occupied. All of a sudden, our life seems to revolve around keeping our little tyrant occupied and happy. Oh, and digging things out of his mouth. He had a hairball in there yesterday. Along with a piece of Lego and 3 cheerios. I made the mistake of having his brothers watch him for a bit while I tried to vacuum. My house is a shambles. Courtesy of having nary a free moment to de-dustbunny.
I love my babies and revel in their every milestone, but I am now reminded of why we tend to rush them out of babyhood. This part is hard! Endlessly amusing and rewarding (what is better than great big eyes that light up every time they are turned your way and slobbery, gummy kisses?), but hard.

My hubby is still gone. He was home for 3 days the week before last and seemed intent on making sure I would be happy to see him leave again when the time came. When he did leave, I alternated between inconsolable sobbing and blind fury for 2 whole days. yeah, fun. We then made up and I got back to being capable and independent once again.
He had told me that he would be done and home early this week and we had made plans to go to my Mom's for Easter. His idea actually. But now he is telling me that he may not be back until Saturday and maybe we should cancel or he should meet me there. I promptly lost it. I just could not imagine packing everyone up and going on my own. I have done it before, I know that women do it all the time. But I just feel so overwhelmed and like anything extra would be the straw that breaks me.
I guess I will just have to see what happens. In any event, I need to get the laundry done, the car cleaned out and some shopping done before Friday. Should be a fun-filled week.

Everyday Miracles

2009-03-30T15:10:00.010-06:00

Holey potholes batman! Spring is sprung! My poor suspension, between the potholes and the snow ruts in my back alley, I am thoroughly rattled.

It is finally melting and sunny here in the northland.
Two weeks ago, it was melty and then we had a huge snow dump that Saturday night. By Sunday morning, the roads were a total hazard. We were driving to church and it was crazy slippery, with 6 inches of slush on all the roads. We were waiting to turn right out of our neighbourhood when a strange thing happened. The lights changed and I was waiting for a man to finish crossing the street so that I could go. I was worried about maneuvering around him, because berms of snow were preventing him from getting up to the sidewalk and he was inches from my bumper. When he was clear, I took my foot off of the brake and my car rolled backwards an inch. I tried the gas, and... nothing. I looked down at my displays, everything looked fine, so I tried it again. Same thing happened. Then I was really distracted, trying to figure out what was going on. I had put on my hazards so cars would go around me. I soon figured out that the van had stalled. So I turned the key off, restarted the car and waited for the intersection to clear and the lights to change again.

All this time, I was troubleshooting out loud, so my kids could hear what was happening. My son piped up, "Mom, good thing the car stalled then, because that truck went right by us."
"What?"
"That big truck went right by us when you couldn't get the car to go."
"You mean that car that went around us while we were stalled?"
"No, that truck went by in front of us while we had the green light."

Now I am confused. I try to clarify. It turns out that while I was distracted by not hitting the man on the side of the road, and then figuring out what had happened to my car, a truck had run the light. A truck that I didn't see. A truck that very likely would have hit us, me and my 5 kids, while we turned right onto the main artery.

Then I was a bit shaken up, "Wow, God gave us a miracle, eh?" I muttered to myself as I tried to blink back the tears that were gathering in my eyes.

"Wow, God really CAN do stuff, hey Mom, " Monkey boy (5) says from the back row.
"Yes, Monkey, God really can," and does, I thought to myself.

The whole rest of the drive, I valiantly held back the waterworks that kept threatening, breathing prayers of thanksgiving.

Today's Grade: Fail

2009-03-18T23:26:00.004-06:00

So by this afternoon, I was done. Done like dinner. Oh wait, dinner wasn't done and I still needed to feed the kids. By 4, I was completely wrung out, crying, yelling, frustrated and defeated. But guess what? Just like every other mom out there, I couldn't actually just give in and be done. Nope, there were kids to be fed. Faces to be washed. Teeth to be brushed. Jammies to be wrangled onto small bodies. Stories to be read. Lullabies to be sung. Prayers to be said. Driving teens around to be done. Chores to be done. More prayers and lullabies. Babies to be nursed and comforted. Repeat.

I took the littles to play group this morning and it was great until poor Monkey got something in his eye that we couldn't seem to flush out. So we went home a few minutes early. I had asked the boys to quickly do their chores while I was gone so that we could go out when I got home. Field trip day!
I bet you can't figure out what happened while I was gone! Nothing. They did nothing.
So I was a bit frustrated, but it was early and I asked them to quickly get them done. By 4 o'clock, they had still not completed the 10 to 15 minutes worth of work I had asked of them. For 5 hours I reminded, scolded, reminded, helped along, reminded, separated fighting kids and tried to get them back on task. By 4, I had resorted to trying to scare Superboy (11) with my loud voice into actually finishing the loading of the dishwasher. I had lost it. I was done.
All I had wanted to do was to take them out for some fun. Instead I waited for them all bloody day. And we did nothing. Well, they fought with each other and chased each other around the house. So that is something.
Now, I had been taking it easy on them this week. No school, very little chores. Giving grace and just dropping everything and taking them for a treat or some fun. Today, all I wanted was to not leave a food mess all over the house. So I asked them to do their regular, every day chore and expected it to be done. I thought, and still think, that if I said we could go when they were done, that I need to hold them to that. You know, consistency, follow-through, all that jazz. Anyhoo... needless to say, it was not one of my finest days.
So by evening, I just couldn't cope anymore. I wanted my hubby home desperately. I still had a laundry list of stuff to do before I could have my peace and quiet, a list I couldn't face, but had to. I so wished that I didn't have to make dinner. I just threw some pasta on to go with the yummy sauce I made yesterday and I took a fork to the leftover chocolate cake.
I spent most of my evening in tears. I still did the bedtime routines and there was something redeeming in that. I made sure that I apologized to each kid for yelling and that I spent some special time with them. I made sure that I let myself enjoy each of them and smiled real smiles at them, even though I was feeling kind of dead inside. My big boys even made me laugh with their boxer shorts ~~polka~~ jig!

I have really been able to feel the presence of God surrounding me and uplifting me in the last 3 weeks that my hubby has been gone. I have intensely felt that it has not been my strength, but God's that has sustained me. And apparently I forgot that today. I forgot to let go. I struggled and fought and tonight as I spoke to my hubby and told him that I needed him to come home NOW, I didn't even want to pray for God to help me again. I just wanted to pray for him to bring my hubby home. I didn't want to need God's strength in this. I just wanted it to be done and over with. But I do. I always need God. I am not strong enough, and my husband is not to carry me. That is for God. And He is enough.

hmm... maybe I learned something afterall...

Sweet Child of Mine

2009-03-17T21:34:00.011-06:00

Well that baby of mine slept the whole night through, right until 7 am when Monkey started yelling for me to wipe his bottom. I guess I wasn't the only one being disturbed by our bed-sharing. The temptation to midnight-nurse must have just been too great for him while in such close proximity to the milk bar.

He is starting to take a bit of solid food from me now. He eats cheerios or rice crackers on his own (if his sister will let him!) and will eat a few teaspoons of certain veggies at a time. I just had to keep trying I guess. He will not eat the baby cereal. I wouldn't bother with it at all, but it is fortified with iron that he needs now. I guess I will have to keep trying or find another source of iron for him.

Zed is a goer. He just can't wait to get up and play with those big sibs of his. He can get around the floor pretty quick and is really enjoying bouncing in the exersaucer we got second-hand. He can get bouncing pretty hard and he just screeches with joy.
He adores getting his photo taken, (how can you tell he is my child?) he smiles as soon as he sees that flash go off. Of course, if the camera is out, big sister Girly has to be in the shot too!

His big brothers and sister are amazed with him and smother him with kisses and raspberries. How blessed can one family be?!

For more WordFUL Wednesday go see Angie @ Seven Clown Circus

Too tired for paragraphs.

2009-03-16T23:24:00.005-06:00

Random thoughts:

My inner monologue voice keeps transitioning into King Julian's voice lately. I wonder what that says about me?
***

Music is the only thing keeping me together some days. I absolutely can't wait to hop in the car and turn up the stereo and sing at the top of my lungs.
***

I have realized that I am often whiny and selfish. Is me now being hyper-aware of this during every interaction I have, helpful in making a change, or does it just mean that I am completely self-absorbed?
***

My Girly told me tonight that, "One thing that I really love is MY JEWELERY and MY TIARA!" Her tiara, the one that she wears every moment of every day. Everywhere. People get such a kick out of her strutting through the grocery store in her tiara. In the morning when she wakes up, she takes her tiara and her jewels out of the hat box she keeps them in, and immediately puts them on. Just before bed, she returns the jewels to their box for safe-keeping. She is 3. I am a little concerned.
***

I am feeling conflicted at this exact second. I just put Zed to sleep in his own bed beside mine. Every night I battle with that decision. When he is snuggled up beside me, warm and sweet breath on my chest as I gaze upon his pale, round cheek and rose bud lips, I don't want to move him. But I know that when he is in my bed, I do not sleep. I will drowse and rest, but deep sleep does not come. When I put him in his own bed, my arms ache for him and my heart longs to hold him close. For most of the last week, I have kept him with me. But tonight I am utterly exhausted, I barely made it through bedtime with the kids. The reading aloud just about killed me. So I put my baby in his bed, hoping for sleep. And now? I want to rush over and scoop him up and wake him so that I can lay with him in my bed and have his eyes smiling up at me over my breast as he soothes himself into a milky stupor, and then feel his shallow breath on my skin as he drifts off to dreamland. without me.
***

Sockless Sunday

2009-03-15T15:41:00.005-06:00

I am really finding that every day is an adventure. Especially when I try to go anywhere with my very large crew. Just getting everyone clean and dressed is quite the thing, my poor kids rarely have socks on their feet when we leave. Oops! I always tell them to put socks on, but I rarely think to check if they have. So we will get somewhere and mine are the poor sockless waifs with uncombed hair. When did that happen? When did I go from being the Mom of the cute, clean and perfectly dressed kids to the Mom of the mismatched, sockless, dirty-faced gaggle? I think it was sometime between babies 4 and 5.
It was about the same time that I had to stop micro-managing my family and let them start getting themselves ready.
It was about the same time that I stopped getting my hair cut, using my blowdryer and putting make-up on. I have become a cliche. An unkempt cliche. An unkempt cliche with nothing to wear. Nothing to wear because she is too chubby for her old clothes and can't seem to find an hour to run to the mall and use her gift cards and buy something to wear.
Yeah.
I haven't gotten my hair cut in a year. It is longer than my bra strap. And my eight grey hairs show. In fact they stand straight up! They are kinky and grey and stand up from my head like some geriatric mohawk. I am starting to look a bit like a comic strip character I think. As soon as my hubby comes home, I am going for a haircut. And highlights to mask the grey. Maybe I will get my nails done! Or buy some clothes! And I am ordering some new makeup and skin care, oh yes I am. I have been using Vaseline as moisturizer for a few weeks, now that is just sad. And when I have managed to put some makeup on, I have been dusting the bottom of my makeup bag for powder, because I am out. And out of foundation. And mascara. And all the good colours of eyeshadow. You know the ones. The ones that run out first and all you are left with is the odd purple that makes you look like you were punched, or the blue that went out with the bouffant.
Oh well, these baby days are fleeting and one day I will have some me time again. Maybe my kids will even have paired socks again. Wouldn't that be the day! (and they wouldn't be shunned at the McD's playplace for pulling their bare toesies out of their rubber boots and climbing on in. Bad Mommy!)

Waiting...

2009-03-14T14:27:00.002-06:00

Waiting for my son to finish cleaning the kitchen. I have been waiting for him all week. He is 11 and he tries my patience every.single.day. He and his brother trade dish days. Superboy is M, W, F and The Boy is T, T, Sat. Well, Superboy has not finished his dishes once this week. The consequence is that you then have to do the dishes the next day too. Well, instead of convincing my son that he should maybe get down to his job and get it done, I have spent an extremely frustrating week with a very messy kitchen. Every.single.day.
School has been the same, I don't think he has actually put in a full school day's worth of work once this week. He has spent hours upon hours sitting and avoiding and sneaking off, but not one day just finishing his stuff. Today, he is supposed be finishing yesterday's work. Which is really Thursday's work... Well, actually I let them have Thursday off.
We spent the afternoon going for lunch and then at chapters. We read books and then spent an hour in the Starbucks having a hot bevvy and a cookie. It was so wonderful. I even got them each a book. And I finally bought Monkey a hand puppet to cuddle at night to discourage thumb sucking.
The first night went great, he didn't suck his thumb all night. Last night, not so much. He took it off in defiance apparently. At least that is what I got by the way he told me this morning. Oh well.
After our bookstore adventure, the big boys had Karate, so we dropped them off and headed out to get groceries at Superst0re. Me and the 3 littles. uh huh. I put Zed in the sling, Girly in the cart and had Monkey walk with me. It was okay, Monkey helped a lot. (even though I almost rolled him over with the cart a dozen times as he helped.) Getting the 20lb bag of potatoes into the bottom of the cart was a bit tricky, pushing the cart while slinging a baby who kept trying to turn around and eat the cart was very tricky to do without dropping said baby. But the kids were terrifically behaved, and it all went pretty smoothly. Until I got to the check out and tried to unload and then bag and reload the cart. While carrying baby in the sling. While baby tried to lean out and grab stuff. While working around helpful preschoolers. Not so easy. I was totally huffing and puffing by the time I got to the last bag. I am not sure how I did it, but I eventually got everything back on the cart. The nice man behind me kept telling me not to hurry, relax, everyone understood how hard that was to do. Which was great, but I think it would have been great if someone could have hauled the bag of potatoes or the cases of diapers and wipes onto the cart for me:)
The boy is sleeping today. He had a all-night birthday party last night. We don't usually allow them to spend the night at other people's homes, but he is 14 and feeling a bit lonely lately. So off he went. They did not sleep at all. I just pray he doesn't get sick this time!
Baby Zed is six months old, can you believe it? He is getting around all over the place, getting into everything. It is wonderful! And a wee bit inconvenient. Just a bit. Also? We are apparently passing around a fungus.(thrush) Both of us are screaming in pain when he nurses, and when he stops, my pain doesn't stop. It shoots through my breast like burning daggers for hours after. Ouch!
I just hope the doc can fit us in next week, because this has got to stop. Like soon!

I am still waiting for hubby to have a day off and come home to see us. We are doing okay, I really feel like God is sustaining me and keeping me. I just know I couldn't handle this on my own. Thankfully, I don't have to.

I think I shall take a walk to Starbucks this afternoon. I wish I had some rubber boots, it is so sloppy out, but I should make it if I load the kiddles into the chariot and go. The sun just came out! Have a great weekend!

My Voice

2009-03-13T13:48:00.003-06:00

As varied as are my reasons for blogging, are my reasons to not blog. One of the biggest being that I can`t find the space to use the bathroom by myself, never mind finding a half hour to write or the hour or two needed to keep up with my lovely blog friends. And I almost hate to write if I can't read and comment and email with you all.
Another thing that has been inhibiting me is how exposed I sometimes feel. It has become apparent to me that everyone I am acquainted with, reads my blog. It seems like every time I have a conversation with someone, I hear the words, "Oh, yeah, I read that on your blog!"
You did? I did not realize that you read my blog! You have never left a comment or anything!
And though I love that people read, I want them to know what is going on with us, it started to weird me out a little! Because this is mostly a journal, and having a relative stranger read your inner thoughts is one thing, having your family, friends and acquaintances read them is a whole other thing entirely.
So, I think I have reconciled that. I want to be transparent. I want people to really know me, and I think I have something to offer people through my experiences and my faith.
My last reason for my frequent blogging hiatuses(*?) is more problematic, but I think it is easily remedied. I often find it difficult to find my authentic voice when writing. I know that when something I have written resonates with people, it is because I am writing in my voice, from within, where the real me resides. It is when I can write just like I would talk to you if you were sitting write here beside me.
I am sure that no one reads my blog for my excellent grasp of grammar and editing. I know this because I never edit or worry about grammar, because I am writing just as I would speak to you. (And if I took the time to edit, I would never post a blessed thing.)
So I often want to blog, but don't, because my voice seems to be eluding me. And I hate just posting a list of happenings or what have you. If I can't write from a place of who I really am, then why bother?
How can I find my voice every time I try to write? How can I be consistent? Well, I think I have an idea. I need to write every day. I need to be consistent and then the words should flow more easily, don't you think? Writing is like anything else, you need to practice!
What about you? How do you find your voice? What keeps you blogging, day in and day out? Where do you find your inspiration? Inquiring minds NEED to know!

Yay! It's Monday!

2009-03-08T17:15:00.004-06:00

Did I happen to mention that it is 30 below zero C? And blowing snow. It is darn cold. I would definitely have to say that March has come in like a lion. I spent two days last week without a vehicle, as it was so cold my battery died and I couldn't start my car until Grandpa D came to my rescue.

Anyhoo, I am feeling much better today. I had a nice long chat with my sister last night. We haven't talked in ages, we have let our busy lives get in the way, I guess. She is an amazing Mary Kay consultant and had just finished a seminar weekend. She was setting new goals and making plans, very exciting. I am really proud of her for making such a success of her business. Her passion for her company and for women is totally inspiring.

Today is clean up my house day (mostly? folding laundry and scrubbing bathrooms day. Every day is scrubbing bathrooms day, my boys are gross) My girlfriend called and then came to pick up my preschoolers for the morning. Isn't that sweet? Another friend is coming for coffee tomorrow morning and then two of my sisters will be here. And my Dad! The rest of the week is adequately full as well. And when I am busy, I am much less lonely for my hubby. I still miss him terribly, but distraction is good.

I hope you guys have an amazing week, I look forward to chatting with you as the week progresses.

2009-03-08T16:53:00.003-06:00

I am totally crying right now. My sister had called a week or two ago and said she would be in town for the weekend (for a conference) in a couple weeks and would like to see us. I wrote it on my calendar for next weekend. Not this weekend. It was this weekend.
Needless to say, I missed her. I even saw the phone number on my phone and listened to the messages. I missed her message and assumed the number was the number of another message that I did hear, that was for my hubby and was someone that I didn't want to talk to, so I didn't even answer.
And in my stupidity, I missed my sister. I so needed to see her. I miss her! I was so very lonesome this weekend and really wanted to talk to her. I haven't seen my sister since last summer, she has never met Zed. And I screwed it up. I miss her!
I was really excited for the coming week, I am going to see my other two sisters on Tuesday and then I thought H would be here from Wed to Sun and that we could visit and maybe shop together. But, I missed her. WAH!
I love you H! I miss you so! I am so sorry that I messed up!

Alone?

2009-03-04T10:31:00.004-07:00

So I am doing the single parenting while married thing again. Hubby was laid off a few weeks ago and we have been praying really hard for God's provision and for hubby to be able to stay home. The company that he had been working for called and said that they wanted to send him out of town to work, and since nothing else has come up, Brent left on Sunday to go up north.
I thought I would be fine. That I could handle it. God is here, he is taking care of me. But it is hard. I feel overwhelmed most of the time. It is so noisy here! And I can't sleep! and I have been having migraines. Last night I just wept, wishing someone would come and just hold the baby for a few minutes and give me a break. It has only been 3 days!
Sometimes the everyone needing me, every moment of every day, touching me, whining at me, climbing into my bed at 3 am, when I was finally drifting off to sleep, and then bickering with each other all day while I try not to blow my top and pull out my hair, gets to me.
(Speaking of hair, remember all that hair I lost? It is coming back. Grey. I have all these inch long, wiry, grey hairs sticking up all over my head. I had no grey at all until this last pregnancy. ugh.)
I feel a bit whiny, but this is where I am. I know it is temporary, I keep telling myself this. I know God will carry me. Us. I know there are so many women in the same spot, many of them for much longer and under much scarier circumstances, like those with spouses in the military. But I just want my hubby home. The last 6 months to a year have been an incredible time of growth for us, we are in a wonderful and hopeful place in our relationship and family and I want that to continue. God's blessings are so evident in our life, but I still get worried and scared sometimes.
Thank you God for your provision and abundant blessings and please bring my hubby home safe. Soon.
*edited to add:
Part of my difficulty in his absence is the realization that we are finally finding our rhythm together again. After years of his working out of town off and on; after years of heartaches and upheavals; years of trying to make a go of a business and then letting it go; after years of having babies and even losing one; after all this, I finally feel like we are on the same page, drawing together and drawing closer to God. Not that we have arrived, by any means. But that we are walking in sync, at the beginning of a new path and now we are separated. And I question the wisdom in this. Could this possibly be God's path for us or are we heading off on our own again? Are we letting God, or are we trying to fix it on our own.
It is one thing for me, I just have to stay here and take care of the kids. But what about my husband? The weight of these decisions weighs on him. He wants to be here with us, but he also wants us to have a roof over our heads and food to eat. He desires to walk in God's will, but to do that he has to act and trust that he is making the right decisions. And then he has me at home, crying on the phone and then he questions himself.
I think that by making the best of the opportunities presented to us, being present and open God's direction and remembering to rest in Him, we shall be fine. I need to stop struggling and start trusting.

Mama Guilt Alert!

2009-03-02T21:36:00.003-07:00

So I took the kids to the eye doctor today. Well, not only did I find out that I haven't taken them in 3 years (oops!) she also told me that Superboy should have some reading glasses. I took him numerous times, telling the eye doctor that he seemed to be having a lot of trouble focusing during his bookwork and rubbed his eyes and seemed to get headaches. He has a bit of strabismus in one eye, it wanders a bit. The doc kept giving us exercises and saying that his problem was from the strabismus. He also said that he was a bit far-sighted, but all kids are and it shouldn't be a problem.
I kept telling my hubby that I wanted to take him somewhere else and get someone to listen to me. We never did. Hence my guilt. My instincts were right and I didn't didn't listen to them. And I am sure that this has contributed greatly to our school issues with Superboy. Math and writing have been huge sore spots and after a while I just thought he was being disobedient, which was part of it. But I think that it was so hard for him to focus that it created a bad habit in him.
This optometrist said that he really seems to have trouble focusing and even though his prescription is very, very slight, it may make a difference for him in reading and close up work.
Now I am praying that the glasses will help and that we can create some new habits and a positive attitude about school.

Spring comes early...

2009-03-02T19:04:00.002-07:00

At least on my new blog header! I whipped this up the other day to refresh things around here, I had the old one since I started this blog 3 years ago...
All the elements I used are from the Delightful collection by Gina Marie Huff from Weeds and Wildflowers

Just checking in...

2009-02-27T11:19:00.002-07:00

We are all fine and well and dandy. Life has kind of rushed in and overwhelmed me and I am finding that time is a precious commodity these days. And blogging has become difficult as opposed to enjoyable; another thing on my to do list, as opposed to the lovely break it had been. I have actually been avoiding my computer a lot...
Even though my words have stopped coming, I have still needed to express myself in some way. I managed to do a lot of scrapbooking this month, if you want to have a look, it is all over at immortality art or over on my facebook.
I have not forgot about you, my lovely blog friends. You have been in my heart and mind, I know some of you have really been struggling lately and I have truly been praying for you.
I hope to get back in the habit of blogging and building relationships with you in this coming month, thank you guys for remembering me and checking in, I so appreciate your friendships.

My Name is Mud...

2009-02-04T14:27:00.003-07:00

'Mudder,' that is. After months of adorable 'Mama's,' my Girly has now started calling me Mudder. "Right, Mudder?" "Did you know, Mudder?" "Get me a snack, Mudder!"
Uh huh.

My Monkey got his first pet last week. My sis bought him an adorable little fish tank for Christmas, and we finally set it up. The little turquoise beta he picked has got to be the most phlegmatic creature on this planet! I have never met a more boring pet. He just sits on the bottom of the tank, utterly still, and just when you are about to flush him, he swims to the top for a nice gulp of O2.
I think we will get a mirror for the tank and put it in occasionally so we get to see his beautiful fins flare up, but not too often, it is stressful for him!

Life here is beautifully boring, thank goodness. The weather is gorgeous, making it that much easier to get out and about. The kids have new activities starting and new friends to hang out with, and so do we. I feel like it is the beginning of spring here, even though I know we have some real winter to go through still.
Here is a baby fix for you all, me and my gorgeous boy! Kit from we are storytellers.

Tuesday News

2009-02-03T11:04:00.002-07:00

Ack! Sorry internets, I have not been absent on purpose. We are all well and fine, just running around like headless chickens. We moved the Monkey boy out of the nursery this weekend and tackled the dreaded family room. Yikes what a mess that was. And Girly had left a leaky milk cup in a bin for a couple days and the smell, oh.my.goodness. the smell! So this is just a quick update as we are on our way to the museum for the day.

Anyhoo, the worst part of my doctors appointment was when the, overweight herself, receptionist said, "Oh and you are, of course, a Mom care (maternity) patient?" Confirming that yes, my belly is still so big that I look obviously pregnant. Even with my 4 month old baby next to me. Nice.

So my thyroid, blood sugar and iron were all good. Doc diagnosed my tiredness as 'not getting enough sleep', 'having 5 kids', and 'not taking care of herself', to the first year med student she had with her. The student that asked me dumb questions like, "Are there things that make your symptoms better or worse?"
I was like, "Theoretically? Like if I slept for 8 hours, I might feel less tired... or if I wasn't awakened by kids 6 times per night... But the hair loss, doesn't seem to be anything that changes that..."
Of course, then I got to ask him some questions, like why did it take him 3 extra years of school to get into the MD program... he he he, poor guy:)

Doc also said that it could take up to a year for the hair loss to abate, that life changes/stress often cause hair loss, on top of the hormonal things. Which I knew.

Anyway, one of the other tests she did came back with abnormal results, so I am in for more blood tests and ultrasound. I won't be able to get in for the ultrasound for a couple months, so I am just praying that God will give me peace in the mean time. I really don't need two months of stewing and worrying. I am also praying that if it is something that needs attention right away that God will rush the health care system along a bit. My God is big enough for all my needs and he has me in his arms, so I needn't worry. I just keep reminding myself of that!

As for Becky's baby, she is doing well and is at home. They are still awaiting their specialist appointment to go over her test results, so keep them in your prayers. Becky and her family need some peace and assurance!

Girls, Girls, Girls

2009-01-30T09:46:00.005-07:00

Thankfully this week has flown by, today is my doctor's appointment and now that my mind and google have filled me with trepidation, I get the real scoop.

The weather is crazy here, it snowed all morning yesterday and rained all afternoon. The roads are awful. I had to drive hubby to work this morning so I could make my appointment and it was fine until we got past the neighbouring city. There were 3 or 4 cars in the ditch in a 2 km stretch. As in, had just left the road and gone into the ditch, police on scene. Needless to say I was white knuckling it after I dropped off Brent. I hate winter highway driving in the dark!

The boys had a great time at Karate yesterday, they found the transition quite easy. Monkey would really like to go, but he is too young. So disappointed.
Baby Zed is miserable this morning, not sure what is up, right now he is sobbing in his sleep. So sad!
Girly has been hilarious lately. Every time I turn around, she has her shirt up and bear on her chest. "I'm bwest feedin' bear mommy!" She loves to nurse bear. The funniest is when we are out and she is wearing a dress and decides that bear needs a little somethin'-somethin'. She just yanks her dress up around her neck and nurses bear. Can you tell that she really relates to me? "We are the only girls, right mommy?" or "We love each other, right mommy?" or "You and me are just alike, right sister-mommy?" I guess we girls have to stick together!

Oh, Please keep Becky in your prayers. Her baby girl, Amelia, is here and doing well, but they received some scary news and are awaiting more test results today.

When lives collide

2009-01-28T15:42:00.003-07:00

I was going to post about how well I am doing today with the sugar thing. I did great yesterday and today, other than absently eating a fruit loop from my son's breakfast dessert (I won't let them eat sugar cereal for breakfast, but since their dad bought fruit loops, I let them have a small bowl after a healthy breakfast). Right now however? I am totally craving sugar! I poured myself a cup of tea and immediately my mind did a mental inventory of my cupboards, looking for a treat.

But so far, so good.

After a fall of taking it easy, our schedule is becoming quite full all of a sudden. Both my hubby and I, seem to have simultaneously decided to get more involved at church. We have signed up for small groups, for a 'Guess Who's Coming to Dinner' event, Karate at church for the kids (and maybe me?), a men's event, a Marriage Seminar, Youth Convention, and are making an effort to reach out a bit. The Karate is a trial. The boys would really like to go back to Tae Kwon Do, but we haven't figured out how to make it fit our new budget yet. Our church runs a Karate class once a week and at a very reasonable price, and it is the same night as the adult floor hockey night that Brent would like to attend. Superboy is quite excited to give this a whirl, his belly buddy also attends. (His mom is Brent's oldest friend and the boys were born on the same day.)

Our church seems to be attracting people from our past lives. A number of couples that Brent grew up with, now attend here. A few people we knew from college are also regulars. And more recently, people I knew growing up are attending. People I knew when I lived 800km away in another province! Last week I looked over to see a familiar face. No longer boyish and a tiny bit rounder, but one I knew. One I had once kissed. So weird. An old youth group friend and his beautiful wife and teensy, darling boy. It felt a bit weird to introduce our spouses and chat after um... 17 years?!? He was never my boyfriend, but as the only girl and boy our ages in the youth group, we did test the waters a little bit. So to speak.

It was a first for us. Brent had no previous girlfriends for me to meet and my dating experience took place mostly in junior high, and was sooooo junior high. So we had very little dating past to share with each other and an no real exes to introduce to each other. But after a second of awkwardness on my part, it was all good. Brent was inviting N out to some men's events and S and I were exchanging numbers. They recently moved to a near-by town and really like our church, so they will likely keep attending. I think I shall call up his wife next week and invite her to mom's morning out. Time for me to go back there anyway. And I would love a new friend.

Hey there dear internet friends, please say a prayer for Aunt Becky today, she is being induced and should have a darling baby girl to show off any time now.

It's in the Blood

2009-01-26T15:58:00.007-07:00

So I had some bloodwork done a couple of weeks ago. They tested my thyroid hormones, my fasting glucose and my iron. I had assumed that all was normal because I haven't heard anything. Well the office called today. She wants me to come in on Friday. ugh.
Now I have to wait all week to know what is wrong! I am sure it is not a big deal, but that won't stop my mind from running wild all week long...

I am sure my sugar is fine, I had it tested a couple of times while pregnant and it was fine. My iron was low post partum, so it is entirely possible that it is just that. It could also be my thyroid I guess, and that is very treatable. I do think it unlikely to be my thyroid, the doctor said it felt fine, no enlargement at all. So iron. It must be that.

anyhoo...

In the interest of honesty and full disclosure, I am restarting my sugar fast. Tomorrow. The triple chocolate brownies and fieldberry tarts I made to take to dinner (that was rescheduled) proved too much for me. I cheated a little and then, in rebellion, I cheated a lot. And I liked it. A lot.

And I made a big mistake. As I was throwing my organic all-nut peanut and almond butters in my cart at Costco, I said yes to the Nutella my 11 year old asked for. (I should be forgiven for being weak, I did take 5 kids to Costco. On a weekend) Well I forgot how much I like Nutella, by the heaping spoonful, in all it's hazlenutty and chocolately goodness. Oh wait! What hazlenut? Ingredients 1 and 2 are SUGAR and modified fat (I think palm oil?), then hazlenuts. 11g of the white stuff per tablespoon! My question after reading that was, 'How on earth do you fit 11g of sugar in one tbsp of nut butter?!?'

I always knew it was dessert, not health food, but it is calling to me! Help! I don't usually put junk food in my cart. Or foods containing 'modified' fats, and now I have two jars of yummy torture sitting in my cupboard. I don't buy that stuff because if it isn't there, I can't eat it. It doesn't call out to me everytime I walk into the kitchen.

Unfortunately, my 11 year old has inherited my sweet tooth and I keep catching him with a spoonful of that yummy stuff, sneaking out of the kitchen as I try to sneak in.

sigh.

Sleeping Arrangements

2009-01-26T08:43:00.001-07:00

We are almost finished the little boys room, painting is all done and now we just need to get the furniture in there. I have a couple pieces of art I want to order and a few that I am working on that need finishing.
Until now, Monkey and Girly have happily shared a room. Monkey has not shown any interest in sleeping in his own room. If he had, I think that room would have been done long ago. He is scared to change rooms, scared to sleep alone. As it stands, there is a double bed in there that my dad stays in twice a month on his way to and from work. It has been so convenient to have spare room!
Saturday night, Daddy convinced Monkey Boy to sleep in his new room. Girly wanted to sleep with him, but Daddy told her that Monkey had to say it was okay. Well Monkey acted pretty cool about it. "I guess she could have a sleepover with me. Maybe we could put a mattress on the floor for her, but if we can't... Well I guess she could sleep in my bed with me. I suppose it would be okay."
Well my two sweet littles, cuddled up in that bed together, put on the musical snow globe and went out like the lights. We kept peeking in on them and they would be cuddled up together, or holding hands. Cu-ute!
So yesterday Daddy and I were chatting about this and how hard it was going to be on both of them to separate. Monkey would probably be okay because baby Zed would sleep with him. But poor Girly was going to be all alone! We may just have to let them keep sharing.
So last night we tucked them in together, prayed, sang and wound up the snow globe. Within 5 minutes Monkey opened the door with a whiny complaint. "Girly keeps putting the snow globe on and she keeps turning on the light to do it! I can't sleep!"

Girly protested, "I just want to put on some soosin' moosic {soothing music}so we can sweep..."

Mommy, "Well you can't sleep if you keep getting up to turn on the light! Go to bed."

Girly, stalling now, "In a second, I just havta pee!"

Daddy tucked them back in bed and told Girly that if she couldn't sleep that she should get up and go to her own bed instead of bugging Monkey Boy.
4.5 minutes later, the door opened and a little voice called out, "I can't sweep. I am goin' to mine own bed."
And she did. And they both slept soundly all night long. Finally!

Mommy? Are you ironing in there?

2009-01-23T09:15:00.004-07:00

Thanks guys! Today will be the big test. We are going to some new friend's for dinner and I am bringing dessert and stuff. I make delicious desserts... I am going to want to eat this dessert... I am going to want to lick the batter from the spoon... But you know what? I don't think I will.
I am realizing how much sugar is hidden in our food! In salad dressings and such. I think I knew, but I never gave it much thought before.

So the other day, hubby and I realized that all the kids were occupied. Baby was sleeping, all 4 of the other's were in the basement playing a video game together and we were amazingly alone. We thought we might take advantage of that time and have some needed Mommy-Daddy time.
Within 5 minutes of locking the door, we heard Girly running up the stairs and then she was pounding on the door. "Mommy?! Daddy? Are you ironing in there?!"

So ironing is our new code word. Isn't parenting fun? I am not sure if we will ever get Mommy-Daddy time again. Apparently everyone has stopped sleeping here. This morning my hubby slipped away while I had 3 kids in my bed. Again. 3 little furnaces surrounding me from all directions.

These child interuptions are habitual around here. One time when I was very pregnant still, and we thought we might move things along, Monkey woke up looking for us. At a very crucial moment. He started to throw his body against the door, screaming for me. So much for my concentration. Dunzo.

{There is a story behind the ironing. A few weeks before this, I was ironing on the floor in the bedroom. I had unplugged the iron and then took Girly to the bathroom. I warned her about the iron and how hot it was and told her to stay out of that room. After I wiped her bottom and I was washing my hands, she slipped out and headed straight for the iron. She plugged it in and started to iron her blanket. By the time I was drying my hands, I heard her cry. She had, of course, touched the iron and burned herself. Now she has a fear of irons. }

Inspired

2009-01-22T15:34:00.003-07:00

Between Laura's journey into health and weightloss; Shay's running (and a number of other blogger/runners I love) and Haley-O over at Cheaty Monkey, I am inspired. Haley is trying to eat more healthfully and responsibly, she is already a vegan, but now she is doing a 3 week sugar and caffeine cleanse. Well after 2 months ~~2 years~~ of indulgence, my sugar cravings are through the roof and I have found myself drinking a cup of coffee and about 6 cups of tea a day. It is time to quit cold turkey.
So I am going to go without sugar and most caffeine for the next 3 weeks. I am also trying to eat a healthful, clean diet and get some (30 minutes minimum) exercise in each day. Yesterday was the first day, and it was a failure. I gave in to my chocolate cravings and ate some chocolate chips. That lead to a few spoons of peanut butter.... But, I didn't eat the chocolate bars in my fridge or the cookies or the tarts on the counter! And the day before? I would have eaten all three.
Today I am doing great! I replaced my morning chocolate milk with hot chocolate made with skim milk, cocoa and a touch of splenda. I think tomorrow I may add some vanilla and cinnamon too. Omelette for breakfast to keep me full all morning.
To head off the afternoon cravings I am making berry smoothies for all of us, with a bit of choco flavoured, sugar-free protein powder. I find protein really helps keep food cravings at bay, and the sweet berries fill that need for sugar.
If I need a treat tonight, I will make myself a skim milk, decaf latte with maybe a touch of splenda or cocoa powder.
Wish me luck in breaking the terrible habits I have gotten into. I need it! And I hope I start to lose some of this spare tire I have been lugging around. It is depressing and when depressed I eat emotionally. ugh. I need to work on that too!

If you need some more cuteness in your day, hop on over to Immortality Art and check out my cuties, lots of layouts up over there.

Playing Hooky, and catching up.

2009-01-20T19:16:00.002-07:00

I am really not sure what is happening with me right now. I think about my blog every day. I write posts in my head constantly. I physically ache to write, but I am having a hard time making myself sit and do it.
I am a bit tired of putting up sloppy writing and then cringing as I read it later. And I don't really have space in my schedule for, well, editing. Lame huh?

Anyhoo... it is life as usual around here. Getting serious about educating the young'uns. Tons of time at the ski hill. General running around. Today we watched the inauguration, just like many of you and wow. I was just speechless. And touched. and stirred. And a little jealous of all my American friends.

I am participating in project 365 this year (one photo per day) and I am putting all my photos in an album with the help of www.weedsandwildflowers.com 's life 365 and my Heritage Makers account, so it only takes a few minutes a day to get them scrapped. Here is the link to my book so far.

This past Sunday we had our kids dedicated at church, so that was very special for us. Zed wore a beautiful dedication gown that my Mom made when my eldest was a baby and we had him dedicated.

Yesterday, Brent played hooky in the afternoon and we went to the ski hill with the kids. I felt so proud as I watched my eldest hold his 2 little siblings between his knees as he took them down the hill, showing them what to do and helping Girly to get over her fear. I thought about how they were making memories with a brother who will have moved out and may have a family of his own by the time they are grown. He is 9, 11 and 14 years older than my littlest ones, I pray that they will be close in spite of that huge age gap. And that we have many more opportunities to make memories together.

Thanks for continuing to come and listen to me ramble, I so appreciate your friendships and shall try to catch up with you guys this week.

My sanity is around here somewhere....

2009-01-14T09:29:00.003-07:00

So, as I am sure you have figured out, the sick bug has been visiting our house. That is not my only reason for not posting though, I haven't been able to log into blogger since the 9th! I rebooted my computer last night and it is now working, so i am not sure if it was a blogger issue or a windows issue, I am guessing both.
We finally got into the doctor this morning, now that everyone is feeling better. Monkey has some 'noise' in his chest and a red ear, so we are taking a watch and see approach. Everyone else is fairly fine now.
Zed is growing, he is now over 15 lbs, so sticking tightly to his growth curve. He had a click in his hip so we are going for x-ray this week, we will make it a family affair. Superboy needs a back x-ray due to winning the genetic lottery like his momma. (I inherited slight scoliosis from my mama and some 'hunching' from my dad. My back doesn't look too bad, but I am experiencing more pain now, especially considering my abysmal fitness level right now.) Daddy also needs an x-ray of his chest. Fun!
The doc is sending me for bloodwork as well; iron, hormones, blood sugar. Fun. But better safe than sorry. Surprisingly she didn't ask me about depression. Usually when I am post-partum and complaining of tiredness, sleeplessness and lack of energy that is the first thing I am questioned about. But I honestly don't think I am depressed so I guess that is fine. I actually feel better emotionally than I have in a couple of years. Very little anxiety, hopeful, content. Feels a bit strange actually! But I am thankful that my mental state is good, otherwise I would be pretty freaked about my lack of sleep and lack of hair...
Anyway, we are on the mend, I am digging my way up out of the laundry pile and mess. I actually had a fairly clean house yesterday, 7 folded baskets of laundry, made dinner and a cake. It was a fabulous day. We even did some school. Which reminds me, I need to go crack the whip now, get the school day done and the chores started.
Talk to you soon and thanks for all the healthy wishes, they worked!

Germs, Germs stay away....

2009-01-07T15:20:00.003-07:00

Help! Save me! My house is full of germs. I can actually feel the cold germs infiltrating my head as I type.

My eldest went to an all-city youth all-nighter on Dec. 30th. The kids were gone until 8 am and had pizza, swim and gym and a concert. I knew it would be a bit of a struggle for my dear boy who usually sleeps 11 hours at night. When he got home, he was still a bit hyped, but he went to bed around lunch and got up the next day. Sick.

This morning, by six am both of my littles were in my bed and whimpering. Eventually they kicked me out of my own bed and I discovered that they were both feverish and sick. Poor things. Even Zed has been out of sorts, I am hoping it stops there.

I shall have to go to bed early tonight and hope that I can stay healthy.

To Whine or not to whine...

2009-01-06T13:24:00.004-07:00

Does anyone else find themselves balancing on one foot while stepping on the scale after all that Christmas excess? I am almost hoping that my thyroid is having some post-pregnancy blips and that is why I am losing my hair and put on 10 pounds in the last 5 weeks! It couldn't possibly be all the Christmas baking and cheese I have wolfed back. Nope, never that.
( sorry I shouldn't joke about the thyroid. It is not a joking matter, but it is common in women post pregnancy to have some issues that are usually not permanent and can be treated with meds, so I have wondered if I should be tested...)

So yesterday wasn't nearly the write-off that I thought it would be, you can read about my slightly productive day here, and as always, pictures here. (the rest of my Project 365
here) And as Lori reminded me, it was epiphany and I had originally planned to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas and Epiphany with the kids (I didn't) as well as Ukranian Christmas tomorrow, so let's just say that is the reason why my tree is still up...

I am feeling a bit sorry for myself today. On top of my increasing fat content, my best homeschooling friend and the hostess of our homeschool support group, put her kids in school after Christmas. So I am feeling a bit alone and bereft in these sometimes stormy seas. And almost all the little friends that Monkey boy wanted to invite to his little fete on Saturday can't come. Which means I don't get to see my friends either. Wah!

Well I was feeling sorry for myself, until I got an email from a dear friend who is having a really hard time right now. And now I am a bit worried about her and not so focused on me. We are going to make a coffee date this week and hopefully we will both benefit from that, I know I will. If you think of it, say a prayer for another mom in the trenches. We all need to have one another's backs in this journey, maybe carry another's loaded pack for a mile or two.

Bless you guys in 2009, I am so blessed to have you in my life, thanks for sharing my load for a few moments each day, I am honoured to share yours too.

Monday already!?!

2009-01-05T10:16:00.002-07:00

I guess today is the day that Christmas vacay is supposed to be over, yet here I sit at 10 am, with my laptop and tea and a butter tart. My tree is still up, my house is still a disaster, and I think I should probably be doing school with the kids but I just want to go back to bed.

I suppose I should at least find some fun and quasi-educational things to do with the kids today. Maybe a trip to the museum to use the pass that their Aunt and Uncle got them for Christmas... or art and music... I could pull out the playdough and paints and classics for kids cd's we got for Christmas... Or we could do both! If I ever drag my lazy butt into the shower and downstairs.

Okay, I guess I should get off the computer and do something, but if you want something to read or look at go ahead and scroll down for Girly's cute story and hop over here to see how I have been spending my time off this weekend!

Story time with Girly.

2009-01-04T10:47:00.005-07:00

She pulled the invisible story book down from the invisible shelf and then read from her cute little hands, she was pretending that her hands were the book. "Daddy, you are the dragon. Mommy, you are the princess and I am the queen!"
She pretends to turn the page, "On this page it says, Once u'pot a time the fire dragon ate the prince! And on this page it says, The princess was very brave, she said to the fire dragon, "Don't swallow my prince!"
The dragon said, "grrrrr, I already did. Oops!"

There was another few stories, one of them involved poop, so I won't make you hear that one. Another series of stories was called, 'Wondrous in Wonderland.' I asked if she meant Alice in Wonderland, but nope, Wondrous in Wonderland.
She kept reading to us from her magical book until Monkey came out of the bathroom and told her that her stories were bad. Mean Monkey!

Speaking of Monkey boy, on the night of his birthday he said something that reminded me that he is still a little boy in spite of his five years and practiced cool. "Invisibible" He has always said invisible with that extra 'bib' and it never fails to make my heart melt. Love wee monkey speak!

Also check out...

2009-01-02T17:53:00.002-07:00

my project 365 photos/layouts at Immortality Art. Make sure you scroll down for an adorable layout of Zed at 3 months. It is my fave!

If you can't access it, make sure to send me your email addy and I will invite you. mightymorphinmama[at]gmail[dot]com

Skiing, sort of.

2009-01-02T10:50:00.008-07:00

As I mentioned in my Christmas post, everyone in our family got skis for Christmas and we bought a family pass at local hill. Last Saturday we took the whole family up to the hill.

My Monkey was anxious to get on the slopes to show us his skills. He kept telling us that he wouldn't fall, that he didn't need lessons, skiing was easy, and that he would be awesome. His confidence is inspiring, but I kept telling him that falling is how you learn and that everyone falls and needs to be taught how to do things, like skiing. He tends to be a bit of a perfectionist like Superboy and I, and he gets easily frustrated when he can't do things perfectly. But, of course, he doesn't want to be taught. He comes by it pretty honestly...

Girly takes things a little slower. As we were driving, and I was distracted playing with my GPS, she asked me, "Mommy, when you went skiing, were you scared?"
I wasn't really listening and just said nope. Brent kind of clued me in to what she was asking me, so I then explained to her that I was very nervous the first time I went skiing, and that it was okay to be scared. I told her that Mommy and Daddy would help her and that even if she was a bit scared, she would still have fun.

Before I even had my toque on my head, Superboy and The Boy were gone up the chairlift. Brent, Monkey and Girly went straight to the line up for the magic carpet on the little bunny slope. I use the term slope very loosely. It was a long line, so by the time it was their turn, The Boy had come to see us and Brent asked him to help with the littles. This was also the only time, all day that I saw Superboy. He adores skiing and has to be forced off of the hill!

They got to the top and Monkey was ready to take off down the slope. So he and the Boy started to make their way down the hill. What he lacked in skill, Monkey made up for in enthusiasm. It took quite a few tries before he managed to even snow plow at all, but he had a blast.

Poor Girly was another story. She was scared crapless. "It's SLIPPERY!" Brent thought it would be a good idea for him to stand downhill a few feet and have her ski into his arms. Uh. No. By the time Daddy dragged her to the bottom of the hill, she wanted those slippery skis off of her feet and she was done.

Now I am a bit timid of trying new things, I would have been scared like her and so I would have taken it a bit slower. Like when I was learning to drive. Brent wanted me to just take over the wheel while going a hundred on the highway. No thanks! I wanted to go to an empty parking lot and get a feel for the way the van handled, how responsive the pedals were, steering etc, so that when I was on the road I could concentrate on where I was going and what was around me.

So while Daddy took Monkey up and down the hill, I refused to take off Girly's skis. I just stood with her at the bottom of the hill and let her walk around in the skis. Let her get used to how they felt and how to stay in control even though they were slippery. She was happy to do that for over an hour and then we all went in for lunch. Good thing, because I was freezing! The ski hill isn't nearly as fun when you are not skiing.

After lunch, all the boys went back out while Girly, Zed and I hung out in the chalet and I fed Zed. It wasn't long before Girly was asking to go back outside, but it was a couple hours before Daddy and Monkey came in for a break. Girly and I watched them on the bigger hill after Monkey figured out the snow plow thing and she really wanted to be with them. Then Daddy went out on his own to try out his board and Monkey warmed up with us for a bit. When Daddy came back, I got Girly ready and she was excited to try again. When Monkey watched them leaving, he decided that he wanted to go too, so I got him dressed again and out they tromped.

By this time, Monkey could go up and down the carpet on his own, so Brent worked with Girly. As they stood in line, she started to freak a little. So she and Dad had a little talk. He told her that if she didn't want to go up, that was okay, but he was going to take her inside to see Mommy. At that moment, Monkey screamed by on his skis, laughing as he whizzed past her. Well, at that moment, something clicked for Girly. She must have decided that if Monkey could do it, so could she. Or that she didn't want to miss out on the fun, because she took Brent's hand, "Let's go Daddy."

Off they went and down she came. Still nervous, but no longer terrified. She was thrilled with her success, and she finally found the joy in the nerves.

They got a couple more runs in and then, while the three of them were at the top of the hill, it was announced that the hill was closed. Well Monkey started to cry right there. He did not want to leave. He was having the time of his short life. He cried half way home!

One of the best parts about skiing was that Superboy had a smile on his face for 2 days afterwards. Skiing brings such joy to him, he is good at it and it is one thing that he truly loves. We had a fabulous time together and are looking forward to many more days in the snow.

frames by weedsandwildflowersdesign.com

The Christmas Post

2009-01-01T10:03:00.005-07:00

Happy New Year!
Here is my super long Christmas post, just skim through the photos and then hop over to Immortality Art for the link for more shots if you like.

Well I thought I might have some free time before now, but I haven't really. Christmas has been wonderful, fabulous in fact. I have so enjoyed spending time with my family, especially with hubby being home. I am now uploading 350 photos from my camera of Christmas and skiing, hopefully I have some good shots to share.

I never actually get around to blogging about special days here, usually I am too exhausted after a holiday to actually write about it and this year was no exception. I am determined to do a Christmas post though, even if it is late.

When we finally all got home on Christmas eve, we ordered pizza and sat down together. It was almost seven so hubby pulled up the NORAD Santa tracker on the laptop. The kids see that Santa is on the East coast of South America, then North America and Canada! Monkey boy is gone like a flash. We start calling his name, "Monkey! What are you doing? Where did you go?"

Monkey yells back, "I am in bed, Santa is in Canada, I have to get to SLEEP!"
We finally convinced him that he had a few hours and that he could come and do our Advent Bible reading and open his Christmas jammies first.

So we did that, got in our jammies, had some hot cocoa and put out cookies for Santa. The kids all got in bed and the work for Mommy and Daddy continued. We cleaned up for a while, waiting until the big guys were sleeping and then I continued wrapping presents while St. Nick was building toys. Girly got a beautiful wooden dollhouse (all in pieces) and Monkey got some dino playmobil, so there was a lot of building.

At one point I heard the big boys' door open, I popped up from the couch and yelled for them to stay in there room. Santa, Daddy and I hid all the toys and stuff in the front entry so the kids could get up and use the bathroom. When I looked at the clock it was 2am! We got them back in bed and finished up the preparations. By the time we got in bed, it was after 3. Guess who was up at 4am?! Girly!

She plopped herself in our bed, and proceeded to toss and turn and chat with me. She kept asking if Santa had come yet. I guess she was too excited to sleep. Her Daddy's snoring from the other side of the bed grew increasingly annoying as the minutes ticked away. Eventually we all fell back asleep and I was awakened at about 8:30am by the excited exclamations of my two blond boys, my middle boys, my off the wall, kamikaze boys. They were chattering back and forth about what Santa had brought and I rushed to get dressed so that I could capture their sweet, joyous faces with my camera and in my heart.

The other 3 occupants of my bed were not so alert. Girly, Zed and Brent remained asleep through my furtive getting ready, but by the time I was ready to go downstairs, they were awakened and eagerly anticipating what awaited us downstairs.

We had a lovely morning together, opening gifts, playing and laughing. It was just the seven of us, and it was perfect. (Even though I had spent a good hour or so crying the night before because I missed my sisters, my family so much, and neither of Brent's parents were going to come in the morning either.) Zed was so happy and content, chattering and laughing away, I remarked that he must be so pleased to have us all together.

Girly was super pleased to have received a crown in her stocking, it was the only thing she had asked Santa for. She immediately put it and the matching jewels on over her jammies. Daddy kept remarking at how different she was from the boys. She methodically opened each gift, exclaiming in joy and thanking the giver with big hugs and kisses. She was slow and careful to their frantic ripping open, equally enjoying each moment and each gift without thinking to the next. It was sweet and special. We all take turns opening gifts, one at a time so that we can enjoy each other's receiving as well as our own. That is always a lesson in torture for the boys, but not her.

Monkey loved his playmobil and big boy lego. He was ecstatic over his little fish tank from his aunt. Superboy and The Boy were also psyched over new video games and things. Superboy told us that he believed in Santa again, because Santa brought him a video game that he really wanted, but had never asked for.

The kids all received skis and books from us, both of which brought joy to their hearts. Even though all the skis weren't new, they were still thankful and eager to hit the slopes. Superboy loves skiing more than anything else. With the Christmas money we got from some of our relatives we bought a ski pass to a local hill. Brent and I both were in agreement that the best gift we could give the kids is time together as a family, especially being active together, so skiing fit perfectly. (plus I cashed in my 8000 airmiles on gift cards for the sport store. Unfortunately the GC's only came in $25 increments. You should have seen the look on the guy's face as we forked over our handfuls of giftcards!)

Santa brought me a Garmin GPS unit and although I had stated that I didn't want any electronics for Christmas, I had really wanted a GPS, so I was pleased. I also got some clothes shopping money, which is good since I can't fit anything I own!

Brent got a snowboard, goggles and a retro hockey jersey. When Superboy and I went shopping for Daddy together, I had shown him the goggles and suggested that they might make a great present for him and his siblings to give their dad. I knew that Brent wouldn't spend the money on himself and I wanted something to be a surprise for him as he had picked out his own snowboard. Superboy wasn't that enthused, especially as I had just told him that I wasn't giving him 40 bucks for the hockey monopoly game that he had wanted to buy. As we wandered the store looking for a sales associate, there it was, glowing orange and blue. The holy grail of Dad gifts. Super wouldn't let me walk away from it and it's exorbitant price tag. He rifled through the whole rack to find Dad's size, and begged me with big wide eyes, "Please Mom, PLEASE!?!"

I sighed, I had never been able to resist those sweet baby blues, "I'll think about it," and I reached up to take it off the rack. Super knew he had me then and he wisely took the jersey and held it quietly while I finished my shopping.

Later in the day we were all driving together and Super and I were feeling pretty good about our purchase, Brent would never guess, and he had really wanted one of those jerseys. Superboy pipes up from the back of the van, "Dad you are so going to love what we got you!"

And Brent, not having learned this lesson from many similar incidences in the past teases, "What is it? What did you guys get me?"

Monkey excitedly exclaims, "An Oiler's jersey!"

Well, poor Super was almost in tears that our surprise was ruined. Brent made it worse later in the day by asking Super, while they were last minute shopping, if Mommy had bought him a snowboard. Of course, not wanting to lie, Super tells him yes. So Daddy asks if I bought him bindings because if not, there were the ones he wanted on sale. So Brent came home from the store with bindings for his snowboard that he had yet to receive. Oh well... Girly had also told The Boy that Mommy and Daddy bought them all skis, because she was with us when we got the boys' skis and he asked her what we were doing. So much for surprises!
He was at least shocked to receive his ski goggles, check out his, 'I already opened all my presents, what the heck!?' face!

The rest of our day was spent cleaning and cooking and setting the table. Brent's Mom and stepdad and Dad and one brother all came for dinner, so it was a quiet, perfect evening. We are used to a much bigger crowd. We opened more presents and gorged ourselves with food, one of Brent's aunts had sent over some yummy Ukrainian dishes on top of turkey, ham and fixings.

I had one perfect quiet moment that day. Brent had gone to pick up his Dad and I had all the food going and kitchen tidied up and had just finished setting the table and lighting the candles. I sat in the darkening living room in front of the lit tree, candles glowing all around (I adore all the lights of Christmas!) and was just overwhelmed with a feeling of contentment and thankfulness. "Thank you, God," I breathed.

And thankful I truly am. We have had another incredible year. Some huge ups, like Zed's birth, and some wrenching downs, like the dissolving of hubby's company. But here we all are, on the first day of a new year and we are together, healthy and content. So very blessed. Thank you God.

credit for frames: weedsandwildflowersdesign.com

Birth Story number 4. It's Monkeys 5th Birthday!

2008-12-31T09:29:00.004-07:00

FYI: I am losing my hair. So much hair. It is all over my house, all over me and all over my baby, and every time I put my hand to my head I come away with a fistful of hair. My ponytail is half size! I know this happens to some degree after I have a baby, but this is nuts! I can see my scalp! I can never see my scalp because I normally have so much hair.
Sorry, I had to get that off my chest, it is making me batty.

So my Monkey boy is 5 years old today. His journey to this earth started on Kalila's first birthday in April 2003 and unfortunately, her death coloured most of my pregnancy with him. To put it mildly, I was scared to death. When we had told the boys that we were pregnant with Kalila, they jumped for joy and cheered. A year after her death we announced to them that we were pregnant again and they said, "Oh." They were scared too. Afraid to hope that they might get another sibling, a live sibling and that made me so sad. They were far too young to have so little hope.
As Monkey grew in my belly and the boys saw how big my belly was getting and felt him moving around in there, they did get more and more excited. It was really a wonderful time in our lives, our first year of homeschooling, doing a ton of fun activities with our best friends and other homeschoolers. And our best friends were also expecting a baby, 3 weeks after ours. Shay and I spent a lot of time together eating ceaser salad, steak and chips. A lot of chips.
I had many scared moments, thinking my baby had died inside of me. Every doctors appointment was filled with apprehension. I only went to emergency for a non-stress test once though, Monkey was an active baby and managed to assauge my fears usually before I freaked out too bad. It was a pretty wonderful pregnancy though. I was healthy and active and I only gained, like 12 pounds. I loved the way I looked!
As we neared the end of my pregnancy the doctors kept close watch over me, sending me for lots of ultrasounds to keep an eye on my fluids which seemed low and to make sure that my womb was still a hospitable environment for Monkey. Just after Christmas, in a better safe than sorry move, they decided that it was time to get my Monkey out of there. He was due on January 9, 2004, but on December 30, 2003, I was taken in for induction. Because there was a bed, the doctor decided to start me on the oxytocin drip immediately, rather than doing a cervical ripening first. If I could do it over again I would have insisted on the ripening first. I also would have asked them to wait a few days so that he was born in January, but that is neither here nor there.
I have little to say about the first 12 hours of labour other than that they were excruciating and unproductive. It would be an understatement to say that I was frightened and tense. I was so tense that every contraction (They happened every 90 seconds and lasted about 30 seconds for hours and hours) was extremely painful and did absolutely nothing. I would brace myself against the pain, my thighs tightened up and I tried not to cry. The doctor kept suggesting an epidural, but I was afraid of that as well.
At some point in the evening, we started to lose Monkey's heartbeat with every contraction. The doctors talked me into having an epidural so that if they had to do an emergency c-section, I would be ready. So I went for it. It did dull the pain and help me relax a bit, but I was still breathing through contractions so they turned it up and gave the (regulated) controller to add an extra burst now and then.
Finally I started to progress, started to open up. But as that happened, and while my nurse was on her lunch break, the alarms on Monkey's heart moniter went off. No heartrate measured, it didn't come back when the contraction stopped, or when I rolled to my side. Brent called for the nurse, screamed actually, and I was crying. The replacement nurse came in and yelled at him impatiently and told us that we were getting upset over nothing. "First-timers," she muttered under her breath. Well, my hubby gave her a piece of his mind, telling her that this was our fourth baby and the last one was born dead, so she better make sure that this one was okay.
She couldn't find his heartbeat and called for the doctor who ran in and called the neonatal resuccitation team.
They told me to push, she wasn't sure I was fully dialated yet, and we couldn't get my contractions to show on the moniters, and I couldn't feel anything. But I was to push, push for my baby's life. And I did, I just kept pushing until his head was out (at 1:47 am). Then they made me stop as they unwrapped the cord from around his neck. And he didn't cry. "Why isn't he crying??" I kept repeating it, but no one would answer me. No one answered because my baby was fine! His apgars were 9, he was just fine. They let me see him for a moment and then whisked him off to the table to make sure he was okay.
It turned out that he was so teeny that he turned around in the birth canal and wrapped the cord around his neck, so during the contractions the cord was compressed, cutting off his lifeline. He came out face up and even though he was 2 pounds smaller than his siblings, at 6lb6oz, he ripped me up nicely.
But he was safe, and healthy and perfect and exactly 5 years ago, this moment, I was begging my doctor to let me take him home to my family, so that I could spend New Year's with them. And she did.

Happy New Year's everyone, I hope you ring it in with those you love. We will be. I had hoped to go to Monkey's fireworks this evening (they have early one's for kids in a nearby neighbourhood) but it is blizzarding out, so we may miss it. But we will be together, ringing in the New Year and celebrating the birth of our amazing Monkey. Love!

For a Christmas photos link (I am super lazy) and a cute layout of Zed, go here

taking a breather

2008-12-30T10:07:00.006-07:00

So I thought I was going to have the 26th and 27th off and to myself, boy was I wrong. Today I finally have some time, baby is fussing but I am determined to write something on my blog! I have a Christmas post in the works, but not done yet and it is already the 30th.

It has been a bit frantic around here. Cleaning, visiting, skiing, cooking, visiting, shopping. Fun, but I am done and I think Zed is too, he seems to have a virus of some sort and he was up most of last night. I am obviously fighting something off, as I have a nice cold sore on my lip. Yuck.

The year is almost done, and it has flown by, well except for a few very pregnant weeks in the summer. Those days dragged their feet a bit, but since Zed has arrived the days seems like moments. Tomorrow is Monkey boy's 5th birthday. Fifth! I have been thinking of him as my baby boy for so long and now he is five, no longer a toddler or a preschooler. 5! He really is still my baby though, he is a teensy little powerhouse, a force to be reckoned with one moment and curled up in my arms like a baby the next.

He so wants to be like his big brothers, to do everything they do. He is 'cool' not 'cute.' He no longer plays with his Thomas trains, but with Lego and Playmobil like Superboy. He doesn't want to use his leapster, but one of the boys' Gameboy DS'. His favourite movies are Star Wars instead of Diego. He sings rock songs instead of nursery rhymes and taught himself to read in a matter of weeks, so that he could walk around with his nose in a book just like the bigger boys.

Poor Girly had lost her playmate recently, Monkey wanted nothing to do with her, he just followed his brothers around. Thankfully, since Christmas, that has changed again and they have been playing together. I have caught them splitting the dollhouse into two houses and playing together. All Monkey's Lego Star Wars characters were laying in a dolly bed with their helmets on the floor.

I have to say that even though Monkey is becoming such a big boy, I am thankful that he still wants to cuddle with mommy every day. He gives the best snuggles. And I still think his thumb sucking is cute, but it is time to stop. He agreed that when he was five that he would stop. So we need to go and pick out a finger puppet today that he will wear on his thumb to discourage the sucking. Hope it goes well!

I guess today won't be quite as relaxing as I thought. I need to make a birthday cake, get my house ready to have dinner guests, buy a birhtday present... oh and fold laundry! So much laundry!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T09:13:00.002-07:00

Well, I am just on my way out to finish my shopping. Nothing like leaving stuff until the last moment. I still need to deep clean my house, wrap presents, make dough for the buns and dessert for tomorrow. I took your advice and decided to forget about trying to crochet Zed's stocking in time for tonight and a good thing too. I am so behind and so freaking out. I waited way too long to order my gifts and half of them aren't here yet! I haven't even finished decorating my tree.
I am excited though, I can't wait for tomorrow, for Zed's first Christmas, for our first Christmas with 5 kids sitting under our tree.

I wish you all a very Merry and Blessed Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. I can't wait to visit you all on Boxing day, I can't bear the thought of more shopping after Christmas, so I plan to blog and scrapbook. Hubby will be working and skiing with the kids while I am tucked in with my latte, my laptop and my babies by the fire. I can hardly wait.